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the neeeemo of the nautilus is theeere . . . INSIDE YOUR MIND
So I realized while reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea that this classic work of science fiction literature is basically Phantom of the Opera . . . UNDERWATER!
NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT.
Okay, so we start out our story with ouringenue protagonist, Professor Arronax, whose great passion is AQUATIC SCIENCE (just like Christine's is music!) He lives with a Comic Manservant/BFF named Conseil whom we might as well call the Meg Giry.
(Sidenote: Conseil is genuinely hilarious. His great life passion is classification, and there are at least twenty scenes where every other character is like "ZOMG IMMINENT DANGER! SHARK! GIANT SQUID! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!" and Conseil is happily sitting there reeling off the genus, order and species of the seahorse in the corner.)
So the professor is on his way home when he gets invited off on an expedition to go on an expedition to hunt a possibly-mythical giant narwhal. While on the boat, he meets and hits it off very well with a Manly Canadian Harpooner named Ned, who serves the function of the Raoul. "Ah, my good Ned," Arronax rhapsodizes, "I ask nothing better than to live another hundred years just to have longer to remember you!" And all seems happy and well. However, Arronax, Ned and Conseil's idyll is INTERRUPTED when they discover that the narwhal is actually a SECRET SUBMARINE. Through a complicated series of events, the three of them end up on-board, where they meet the tall, the dark, the mysterious, the DRAMATIC ORGAN-PLAYING Captain Nemo. He tells them they have free reign of his submarine, the Nautilus . . . but they can NEVER LEAVE!!!! (dun dun dun dun) It is implied that the only reason he has not killed them straight off is because he is impressed with Arronax's scientific potential and wants to share ~the secrets of the sea~ with him.
(Captain Nemo: I HAVE BROUGHT YOU/ TO THE SEAT OF SWEET [OCEAN SCIENCE'S] THRONE/ TO THE KINGDOM WHERE ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO [OCEAN SCIENCE] . . . . [OCEAN SCIENCE] . . . .)
Then he's all, "hey baby wanna see my etchings," and takes the Professor away from his companions to show off his secret submarine lair! The Professor is kind of won over by his art collection and Beauty and the Beast-esque library but what really gets him all a-flutter is his massive . . COLLECTION OF OCEAN SPECIMENS. "A nervous conchologist would have fainted!" he exclaims, because nothing says "I am a total pimp" like a complete collection of polyps and echinoderms.
Captain Nemo divides his time between showing off his pimpin' ride, taking the Professor on long romantic walks along the ocean floor (liiiisten to the muuuusic of the seaaaaaaa), and going off into passionate mysterious fits of brooding and organ-playing and possibly murdering innocent sailors. Meanwhile, Ned grows frustrated and angry! He doesn't trust this evil captain! The Professor agrees in theory, but in practice he really doesn't want to leave, because he cannot resist the potential to create beautifulmusic OCEAN SCIENCE, and also if he tries to escape NEMO MIGHT NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN. :( :( :( They have a lot of conversations that go like this:
NED: Nemo has made it pretty clear he will never release us from THIS DURANCE VILE, so I think we should escape as soon as possible!
PROFESSOR: Hmm . . . maybe . . . oh hey a pretty starfish!
NED: I think we should escape tonight.
PROFESSOR: Oh, we don't need to escape tonight, surely . . . look look look at that beautiful stingray!
NED: We have been trapped here for FOUR MONTHS! Let me tell you, the romantic walks may be fun for you, but I have never been more bored IN MY LIFE.
PROFESSOR: This conch shell we just picked up is so gorgeous, it is the biggest one I have ever seen. *_*
NED: We will escape! I am taking you with me! I won't leave you behind! CHRISTINE!!!!
PROFESSOR: I have to go show off this specimen to Captain Nemo! No one has ever understood me like he does.
CONSEIL: AMMONITE!
Ned also bitches a lot because Nemo won't let him harpoon any whales and this wounds his manly Canadian soul. At this point the 5 remaining Ned/Professor fans jump ship, because Nemo may kill people, but he's saving the whales!
But in the end, of course, once Arronax realizes that his Dark and Dramatic Othered Love Interest has pretty definitively murdered a whole bunch of people, he consents to break away and escape with the nice, manly, normative Ned, and return to the normal sunlit world. ("ANGEL OF DARKNESS, YOU DECEIVED ME! I GAVE MY MIND BLINDLY!") And after one last bout of passionate organ-playing, Nemo dies . . . OR DOES HE?
Never fear, Nemo fans: he'll return in the sequel, The Mysterious Island: LOVE (AND OCEAN SCIENCE) NEVER DIE. Which I will totally be reading! MORE OCEAN SCIENCE. \o/
NO WAIT HEAR ME OUT.
Okay, so we start out our story with our
(Sidenote: Conseil is genuinely hilarious. His great life passion is classification, and there are at least twenty scenes where every other character is like "ZOMG IMMINENT DANGER! SHARK! GIANT SQUID! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!" and Conseil is happily sitting there reeling off the genus, order and species of the seahorse in the corner.)
So the professor is on his way home when he gets invited off on an expedition to go on an expedition to hunt a possibly-mythical giant narwhal. While on the boat, he meets and hits it off very well with a Manly Canadian Harpooner named Ned, who serves the function of the Raoul. "Ah, my good Ned," Arronax rhapsodizes, "I ask nothing better than to live another hundred years just to have longer to remember you!" And all seems happy and well. However, Arronax, Ned and Conseil's idyll is INTERRUPTED when they discover that the narwhal is actually a SECRET SUBMARINE. Through a complicated series of events, the three of them end up on-board, where they meet the tall, the dark, the mysterious, the DRAMATIC ORGAN-PLAYING Captain Nemo. He tells them they have free reign of his submarine, the Nautilus . . . but they can NEVER LEAVE!!!! (dun dun dun dun) It is implied that the only reason he has not killed them straight off is because he is impressed with Arronax's scientific potential and wants to share ~the secrets of the sea~ with him.
(Captain Nemo: I HAVE BROUGHT YOU/ TO THE SEAT OF SWEET [OCEAN SCIENCE'S] THRONE/ TO THE KINGDOM WHERE ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO [OCEAN SCIENCE] . . . . [OCEAN SCIENCE] . . . .)
Then he's all, "hey baby wanna see my etchings," and takes the Professor away from his companions to show off his secret submarine lair! The Professor is kind of won over by his art collection and Beauty and the Beast-esque library but what really gets him all a-flutter is his massive . . COLLECTION OF OCEAN SPECIMENS. "A nervous conchologist would have fainted!" he exclaims, because nothing says "I am a total pimp" like a complete collection of polyps and echinoderms.
Captain Nemo divides his time between showing off his pimpin' ride, taking the Professor on long romantic walks along the ocean floor (liiiisten to the muuuusic of the seaaaaaaa), and going off into passionate mysterious fits of brooding and organ-playing and possibly murdering innocent sailors. Meanwhile, Ned grows frustrated and angry! He doesn't trust this evil captain! The Professor agrees in theory, but in practice he really doesn't want to leave, because he cannot resist the potential to create beautiful
NED: Nemo has made it pretty clear he will never release us from THIS DURANCE VILE, so I think we should escape as soon as possible!
PROFESSOR: Hmm . . . maybe . . . oh hey a pretty starfish!
NED: I think we should escape tonight.
PROFESSOR: Oh, we don't need to escape tonight, surely . . . look look look at that beautiful stingray!
NED: We have been trapped here for FOUR MONTHS! Let me tell you, the romantic walks may be fun for you, but I have never been more bored IN MY LIFE.
PROFESSOR: This conch shell we just picked up is so gorgeous, it is the biggest one I have ever seen. *_*
NED: We will escape! I am taking you with me! I won't leave you behind! CHRISTINE!!!!
PROFESSOR: I have to go show off this specimen to Captain Nemo! No one has ever understood me like he does.
CONSEIL: AMMONITE!
Ned also bitches a lot because Nemo won't let him harpoon any whales and this wounds his manly Canadian soul. At this point the 5 remaining Ned/Professor fans jump ship, because Nemo may kill people, but he's saving the whales!
But in the end, of course, once Arronax realizes that his Dark and Dramatic Othered Love Interest has pretty definitively murdered a whole bunch of people, he consents to break away and escape with the nice, manly, normative Ned, and return to the normal sunlit world. ("ANGEL OF DARKNESS, YOU DECEIVED ME! I GAVE MY MIND BLINDLY!") And after one last bout of passionate organ-playing, Nemo dies . . . OR DOES HE?
Never fear, Nemo fans: he'll return in the sequel, The Mysterious Island: LOVE (AND OCEAN SCIENCE) NEVER DIE. Which I will totally be reading! MORE OCEAN SCIENCE. \o/
no subject
I don't think you should stop mocking though! Mocking is good. And (no offense whatsoever intended) I highly doubt he'd read your LJ, so there's no harm in it.
no subject
(But Love Never Dies is the WORST/BEST IDEA EVER.)