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I promise this is the last post I'll make talking about Otherland, but the thing is, after I read all of Otherland, I found out Tad Williams had written a postcanon novella which I had never read and which was published in a collection called Legends II.
So Legends II (and, presumably, Legends I, and Legends III if it exists) is basically just a whole bunch of tie-in novellas from People Who Sold Really Fat Fantasy Novels in the Nineties, each preceded by an earnest three-page summary of the FIVE THOUSAND PAGES OF TEXT you are supposed to have read to really appreciate this story. It is a snapshot of a simpler time. A time when everyone really, earnestly believed that there were only going to be six Song of Ice and Fire books.
...obviously I read the whole book, so I'm just going to go down the list.
1. "Homecoming," Robin Hobb
Actually I quite liked this! Robin Hobb's Fitz/Fool books left me pretty cold even as a teenager, but I vaguely remember really liking the Liveship Traders trilogy, which was not really about kings and battles but much more about trade and economics and difficult cultural change, and featured a storyline about an unpleasant Mean Girl who goes off and undergoes tremendous character growth and becomes a productive person. This story is also about an unpleasant Mean Girl who goes off and undergoes tremendous character growth and becomes a productive person; she is a SOCIETY WIFE and ARTIST and then they all get shipwrecked in the dangerous magical jungle and she uses her society artist skills to build everybody houses. I am down with this. I have been operating under the assumption that the Liveship Traders books would not hold up on the reread, but perhaps I am wrong about this, given that this ended up being my favorite story in the book. . . . of course the bar was not very high.
2. "The Sworn Sword," George R. R. Martin
This is also not bad! I had previously not read any of the Dunk and Egg stories, which are about a low-class teenaged knight and his even more teenaged secret prince squire in the pre-GOT era; in this one they accidentally get in the middle of a petty argument between two nobles about who diverted whose stream that escalates quickly. Nobody is raped, and only one person dies, and the POV character is fairly likable, and it doesn't go on for three thousand pages!
3. "The Yazoo Queen," Orson Scott Card
This ties in to the Alvin Maker series, which I think I read at least one of but remember NOTHING about now, which ... judging from this story, is probably all to the good. In this one, the hero smugs his superpowered way onto a raft with his teenaged black sidekick, smugly pre-empts his teenaged black sidekick at freeing a bunch of slaves from the hold, and smugly gets snippy at his teenaged black sidekick for daring to voice the opinion that some people might prefer to be alive and slaves than dead. Also, there are Aztec cannibals; also, there is a bizarre cameo from Abraham Lincoln; also, there is dialect.
4. "Lord John and the Succubus," Diana Gabaldon
I do remember that I read half of the first Outlander book over the course of a couple nights when I was babysitting, but I never finished it. So while I was reading the story I went to Wikipedia, because I was curious, and ... those books are still going? Really? ANYWAY. This is a mystery story in which Lord John, secretly gay British officer, discovers that there is not really a succubus haunting the German troops he's hanging out with and it is all a clever plot. Which would be fine and pretty enjoyable, if the clever plot did not involve a murderous Romani prostitute and her child-murdering ancestors. >.<
5. "The Book of Changes," Robert Silverberg
So this is from something called the Majipoor series, which I have not read or even heard of. Which, given that from what I could tell the overarching plot of the series appears to be "humans colonize planet, heroically oppress original inhabitants" is ... probably ALSO all to the good. That said, this story was probably the funniest I read, because I don't think Robert Silverberg realized that he was basically writing the exact same plot as a slash fanfic Beauty and the Beast AU.
FURVAIN: I am a naive noble poet who has never managed to write a great work! I'm going to naively ride off and see the world!
KASINIBON: I am a LITHE, CATLIKE BANDIT and now I have CAPTURED you for RANSOM but mostly I just want to ADMIRE you and TALK TO YOU ABOUT POETRY.
FURVAIN: Funny how there aren't any women in your bandit stronghold. And how you take me for long walks to see the beautiful scenery every day, and invite me to fancy dinner every night. And recite poetry at me, like, ALL THE TIME.
KASINIBON: Yes ... funny, that ...
At this point I was really, honestly amazed when the plot turned out to be "and then Furvain was divinely inspired to write a stupid-sounding epic poem about his colonialist ancestors" rather than "and then they had sex everywhere in the bandit castle."
6. "The Happiest Dead Boy In the World," Tad Williams
Given that this story is the whole reason I read this book to begin with, it is KIND OF DISTRESSING to me that it's actually the most bizarre and nonsensical story in it ...?
So, OK, the plot of this story is about how several virtual Ava-clones in the network come and accuse virtual Orlando of getting them pregnant, and Orlando is like ????? and then it turns out that Otherland is ... starting its own semi-autonomous virtual persons breeding program ...? by storing virtual genetic data from semi-autonomous virtual dudes such as Orlando and and other semi-autonomous virtual clones, and dumping that genetic data into the wombs of semi-autonomous virtual ladies like the Ava clones whenever they happen to pass through a point where a virtual dude already passed???????
And everybody's reaction to this is like "whoa! Fascinating! Isn't evolution cool!" and Orlando's like "great, I'm excited to be a dad!" NO ONE's reaction is the APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF HORROR that suddenly all these semi-autonomous virtual ladies have had BABIES DUMPED IN THEIR WOMBS WITHOUT CONSENT AUGH WHAT, WHY, with a healthy side order of WTF.
...but at least Sam's gender and sexuality remain canonically ambiguous? So that's ... something ...
7. "Beyond Between," Anne McCaffrey
This is probably the first Anne McCaffrey I have read in something ten years. Maybe fifteen. It's ... inoffensive? Nothing horrific happens? Someone dies on a borrowed dragon and there's some saccharine stuff about dragon heaven. Anne McCaffrey is not a very good writer, news at 11.
8. "The Messenger," Raymond E. Feist
I know I did read, like, a whole trilogy of Raymond E. Feist books, but I literally do not remember a single thing about them now. That said, this story was actually kind of weirdly charming in how straightforward and nondescript it was. An army messenger goes and delivers some messages between armies while having a bad cold. He's cold and cranky and occasionally the enemy shoots at him. That's it, that's the story.
9. "Theshold," Elizabeth Haydon
I also read the Rhapsody books but all I really remember is that sequence in the underground tree cave at the beginning of the first book that felt like it went on FOREVER. And then it was star-crossed love all the way down. This story was about the last five guards commanded to remain behind on an island that's about to be kablammed by a volcano JUST IN CASE everything is not utterly doomed, but it's, like, 99% sure that everything is about to be utterly doomed. The plot is actually reasonably touching, in a 'stoic people stoically face certain death' sort of way. If only the prose were better ...
10. "The Monarch of the Glen," Neil Gaiman
This is a sequel to American Gods and was sort of disconcerting for me to read, because, on the one hand, Neil Gaiman has an actual style and the prose in this story is leaps and bounds better than anything else in the entire volume, and on the other hand I still didn't care. It's not like there's a particular reason why I didn't care, either; I do remember a time when I loved American Gods but that time seems strangely distant and far away.
11. "Indomitable," Terry Brooks
Aww, it's a whole Shannara book in miniature! Jair Ohmsford gets a message from the shade of Alannon, hangs out with Cogline, blithely uses magic, gets increasingly depressed by psychotropic scenery, fights ancient evil, and is unnerved and corrupted by magic, all in the span of thirty pages. There were several of the authors in this volume (George R.R. Martin, especially) where I was like "you should write in miniature all the time, it seems to cure most of your problems!" But Terry Brooks in miniature is just pure Essence of Terry Brooks.
So that was a fun trip down Memory Lane! Ah, fantasy in the nineties. Actually, this book was published in 2004, but it still exudes Essence Of The Nineties. I do count myself lucky that Piers Anthony was not included.
So Legends II (and, presumably, Legends I, and Legends III if it exists) is basically just a whole bunch of tie-in novellas from People Who Sold Really Fat Fantasy Novels in the Nineties, each preceded by an earnest three-page summary of the FIVE THOUSAND PAGES OF TEXT you are supposed to have read to really appreciate this story. It is a snapshot of a simpler time. A time when everyone really, earnestly believed that there were only going to be six Song of Ice and Fire books.
...obviously I read the whole book, so I'm just going to go down the list.
1. "Homecoming," Robin Hobb
Actually I quite liked this! Robin Hobb's Fitz/Fool books left me pretty cold even as a teenager, but I vaguely remember really liking the Liveship Traders trilogy, which was not really about kings and battles but much more about trade and economics and difficult cultural change, and featured a storyline about an unpleasant Mean Girl who goes off and undergoes tremendous character growth and becomes a productive person. This story is also about an unpleasant Mean Girl who goes off and undergoes tremendous character growth and becomes a productive person; she is a SOCIETY WIFE and ARTIST and then they all get shipwrecked in the dangerous magical jungle and she uses her society artist skills to build everybody houses. I am down with this. I have been operating under the assumption that the Liveship Traders books would not hold up on the reread, but perhaps I am wrong about this, given that this ended up being my favorite story in the book. . . . of course the bar was not very high.
2. "The Sworn Sword," George R. R. Martin
This is also not bad! I had previously not read any of the Dunk and Egg stories, which are about a low-class teenaged knight and his even more teenaged secret prince squire in the pre-GOT era; in this one they accidentally get in the middle of a petty argument between two nobles about who diverted whose stream that escalates quickly. Nobody is raped, and only one person dies, and the POV character is fairly likable, and it doesn't go on for three thousand pages!
3. "The Yazoo Queen," Orson Scott Card
This ties in to the Alvin Maker series, which I think I read at least one of but remember NOTHING about now, which ... judging from this story, is probably all to the good. In this one, the hero smugs his superpowered way onto a raft with his teenaged black sidekick, smugly pre-empts his teenaged black sidekick at freeing a bunch of slaves from the hold, and smugly gets snippy at his teenaged black sidekick for daring to voice the opinion that some people might prefer to be alive and slaves than dead. Also, there are Aztec cannibals; also, there is a bizarre cameo from Abraham Lincoln; also, there is dialect.
4. "Lord John and the Succubus," Diana Gabaldon
I do remember that I read half of the first Outlander book over the course of a couple nights when I was babysitting, but I never finished it. So while I was reading the story I went to Wikipedia, because I was curious, and ... those books are still going? Really? ANYWAY. This is a mystery story in which Lord John, secretly gay British officer, discovers that there is not really a succubus haunting the German troops he's hanging out with and it is all a clever plot. Which would be fine and pretty enjoyable, if the clever plot did not involve a murderous Romani prostitute and her child-murdering ancestors. >.<
5. "The Book of Changes," Robert Silverberg
So this is from something called the Majipoor series, which I have not read or even heard of. Which, given that from what I could tell the overarching plot of the series appears to be "humans colonize planet, heroically oppress original inhabitants" is ... probably ALSO all to the good. That said, this story was probably the funniest I read, because I don't think Robert Silverberg realized that he was basically writing the exact same plot as a slash fanfic Beauty and the Beast AU.
FURVAIN: I am a naive noble poet who has never managed to write a great work! I'm going to naively ride off and see the world!
KASINIBON: I am a LITHE, CATLIKE BANDIT and now I have CAPTURED you for RANSOM but mostly I just want to ADMIRE you and TALK TO YOU ABOUT POETRY.
FURVAIN: Funny how there aren't any women in your bandit stronghold. And how you take me for long walks to see the beautiful scenery every day, and invite me to fancy dinner every night. And recite poetry at me, like, ALL THE TIME.
KASINIBON: Yes ... funny, that ...
At this point I was really, honestly amazed when the plot turned out to be "and then Furvain was divinely inspired to write a stupid-sounding epic poem about his colonialist ancestors" rather than "and then they had sex everywhere in the bandit castle."
6. "The Happiest Dead Boy In the World," Tad Williams
Given that this story is the whole reason I read this book to begin with, it is KIND OF DISTRESSING to me that it's actually the most bizarre and nonsensical story in it ...?
So, OK, the plot of this story is about how several virtual Ava-clones in the network come and accuse virtual Orlando of getting them pregnant, and Orlando is like ????? and then it turns out that Otherland is ... starting its own semi-autonomous virtual persons breeding program ...? by storing virtual genetic data from semi-autonomous virtual dudes such as Orlando and and other semi-autonomous virtual clones, and dumping that genetic data into the wombs of semi-autonomous virtual ladies like the Ava clones whenever they happen to pass through a point where a virtual dude already passed???????
And everybody's reaction to this is like "whoa! Fascinating! Isn't evolution cool!" and Orlando's like "great, I'm excited to be a dad!" NO ONE's reaction is the APPROPRIATE LEVEL OF HORROR that suddenly all these semi-autonomous virtual ladies have had BABIES DUMPED IN THEIR WOMBS WITHOUT CONSENT AUGH WHAT, WHY, with a healthy side order of WTF.
...but at least Sam's gender and sexuality remain canonically ambiguous? So that's ... something ...
7. "Beyond Between," Anne McCaffrey
This is probably the first Anne McCaffrey I have read in something ten years. Maybe fifteen. It's ... inoffensive? Nothing horrific happens? Someone dies on a borrowed dragon and there's some saccharine stuff about dragon heaven. Anne McCaffrey is not a very good writer, news at 11.
8. "The Messenger," Raymond E. Feist
I know I did read, like, a whole trilogy of Raymond E. Feist books, but I literally do not remember a single thing about them now. That said, this story was actually kind of weirdly charming in how straightforward and nondescript it was. An army messenger goes and delivers some messages between armies while having a bad cold. He's cold and cranky and occasionally the enemy shoots at him. That's it, that's the story.
9. "Theshold," Elizabeth Haydon
I also read the Rhapsody books but all I really remember is that sequence in the underground tree cave at the beginning of the first book that felt like it went on FOREVER. And then it was star-crossed love all the way down. This story was about the last five guards commanded to remain behind on an island that's about to be kablammed by a volcano JUST IN CASE everything is not utterly doomed, but it's, like, 99% sure that everything is about to be utterly doomed. The plot is actually reasonably touching, in a 'stoic people stoically face certain death' sort of way. If only the prose were better ...
10. "The Monarch of the Glen," Neil Gaiman
This is a sequel to American Gods and was sort of disconcerting for me to read, because, on the one hand, Neil Gaiman has an actual style and the prose in this story is leaps and bounds better than anything else in the entire volume, and on the other hand I still didn't care. It's not like there's a particular reason why I didn't care, either; I do remember a time when I loved American Gods but that time seems strangely distant and far away.
11. "Indomitable," Terry Brooks
Aww, it's a whole Shannara book in miniature! Jair Ohmsford gets a message from the shade of Alannon, hangs out with Cogline, blithely uses magic, gets increasingly depressed by psychotropic scenery, fights ancient evil, and is unnerved and corrupted by magic, all in the span of thirty pages. There were several of the authors in this volume (George R.R. Martin, especially) where I was like "you should write in miniature all the time, it seems to cure most of your problems!" But Terry Brooks in miniature is just pure Essence of Terry Brooks.
So that was a fun trip down Memory Lane! Ah, fantasy in the nineties. Actually, this book was published in 2004, but it still exudes Essence Of The Nineties. I do count myself lucky that Piers Anthony was not included.