skygiants

I learned last year that Willo Davis Roberts, who wrote beloved children's book The Girl With The Silver Eyes, had a sideline in Gothics. I learned this because I found a book of hers called The Hellfire Heritage in a used bookstore in Chicago, which is apparently volume SIX of a SEVEN-VOLUME SAGA.*

For a year I held out hopes of acquiring at least one of the earlier six, but since my local libraries could not provide I have now just gone ahead and read The Hellfire Heritage, the back cover of which -- well, I'm just gonna quote:

Sabrina first met Edward on a terror-ridden trip to a seaside mansion where ravenous evil feasted on all that was innocent. She came to fear Edward as she learned of the lies that he told and the designs that he hid. But despite all danger, she could not bring herself to break away from this man of so much mystery and menace - even as she felt the hands of unspeakable horror claiming her body and soul for better or worse.

Given all this, I was a little surprised to discover that Sinister Edward basically misses the entire plot.

But I'm getting ahead of myself! When the book begins, Sabrina is on tour in America with her two useless teen brothers, who have promised a friend that they would escort Daisy, a nice old lady, back to her [clearly going to be sinister and isolated] home in upstate California.

SABRINA'S USELESS TEEN BROTHERS: Buuuuuuut then we were invited on a cruise soooooo we were thinking maybe you could do it for us? :D? :D???
SABRINA: oh my GOD

I should note, by the way, that it is 1867. That said, this is still the most relatable opening to a Gothic I have ever encountered.

However, despite her understandable irritation at having to spend AN ENTIRE MONTH babysitting Daisy because her USELESS TEEN BROTHERS can't keep their commitments, she perks up when she actually starts her journey and and meets Back-Cover-Designated-Sinister Edward.

SABRINA: This is the first time I have felt sexual attraction in the three years since my first love tragically died and BY GOD I AM PURSUING IT

She also meets a nice blonde brother and sister from a Once Great Southern Family and spends some time congratulating herself on her social skills. Unfortunately, there is also a murder, Daisy has been drugged and had her glasses stepped on, and all of Sabrina's money is stolen, so Sabrina is not having very much fun by the time she gets to Daisy's creepy house to meet her asshole brother and sister-in-law and their extremely spoiled grandchild Lisa.

Almost immediately after she gets there, the spoiled grandchild's governess falls-or-is-pushed off a cliff and breaks her leg.

DAISY'S ASSHOLE SISTER-IN-LAW: SO, Sabrina, we know we said you would be a guest in our house for bringing Daisy home, but since you're stuck here anyway since the next boat and are temporarily penniless, maybe you could do some governessing for us? :D?
SABRINA: Um, excuse me? this is my vacation??

And within 24 hours she has found an alternate governess in Meg, her blonde shipboard friend, and is back to spending her vacation taking long walks on the beach with Edward and attempting to avoid everyone in the creepy house as much as possible. BLESS.

Alas, the crimes at the house start piling up, including Missing Money and Sinister Blackmail Notes and Someone Shooting At Daisy's Asshole Brother and also Someone Shooting At Sabrina, and also, after a series of perfectly nice dates, Edward drops some hint that he would like Sabrina to bring Lisa down to the beach to meet him and Sabrina's Gift of Fear IMMEDIATELY goes off

SABRINA: Aaaand now it's time to never speak to Edward again!

(This is extra hilarious given that the back cover is like SHE COULD NOT BREAK AWAY and Sabrina in the actual book is like CREEP RADAR ACTIVATED, GOODBYE FOREVER!!)

Anyway in the end it turns out there were of course like three separate mysteries:

a.) Daisy stole all the money because she was tired of living with her asshole brother and sister and wanted to run away to San Francisco and get a job as a lady's companion, because she may be SEVENTY but she is STILL SPRY and there are lots of people even older! a.) dick move, Daisy but b.) good on you, Daisy

b.) blonde shipboard friends did all the blackmail and murder, which is honestly only what you can expect of blonde shipboard friends from a Once Great Southern Family

c.) Edward is (of course) Lisa's real father who, after a lengthy custody battle, was simply embarked in a spot of parental kidnapping. In fact he was so focused on the custody battle that fifteen pages from the end of the book he is shocked to find that Sabrina is accusing him of crimes, given that he has no idea any crimes have actually been committed besides the fact that he stepped on Daisy's glasses to stop her from recognizing him: "Did you say extortion? And murder? It didn't really register, I was too busy planning my own affairs." IT DIDN'T REALLY REGISTER. B L E S S.

And then the book ends with him proposing before they get back on the boat to California, which was honestly very disappointing to me because I wanted the book to end with Sabrina explaining the entire plot to her useless brothers, with a heavy emphasis on AND THIS IS WHY I WILL NEVER DO YOUR DANG CHORES FOR YOU EVER AGAIN.

*normally this is where I would link to Goodreads but there is an Amazon strike on so if you care you can look it up yourself

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viridian5

I only knew Willo Davis Roberts from the YA Sunfire historical romance books, my favorite and best-remembered of which thankfully eschewed the usual "torn between two swains" thing in favor of the girl disguising herself as a boy to run off to adventure and freedom after her two gold-chasing brothers. (And finding love along the way because of course she does, though she spends a lot of time trying to hide that she's actually a girl so he won't send her home.) Since it was written in 1984 I'm sure the gender roles would appall me if I read it today, but it remains a warm memory.