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I just read a super adorable Pride and Prejudice fanfic!
It's called Lady Catherine's Necklace and you can buy it through Amazon, because it was written by Joan Aiken, author of the most amazingly cracked-out children's books of all time. Normally I tend to avoid published Jane Austen fanfic, but in this case I felt it was worth it just to see what she would do!
And while for the first third of the book or so everything seems fairly standard for a Jane Austen fanfic -- scheming adventurers have turned up at Lady Catherine's house, awkward romantic entanglements, etc. -- by midway through it turns out the answer actually is:
- KIDNAP LADY CATHERINE and strand her hilariously on a flooded rock with a depressed sailor-poet with prophetic dreams and a tragic past so that she can LEARN TO COPE WITH LIFE. (The best part is when they try and play Whose Life Sucks More; "she was obliged to concede that to have lost a wife, three children, his entire fortune and an unpublished volume of verse which he had hoped that some English publisher would accept and bring out -- all this greatly exceeded the loss of a son in his third year and a husband whom she had never valued above half")
- meanwhile, turn Anne de Bourgh basically into Mary Lennox from The Secret Garden and have her wander around being cranky to everyone except the garden boy and the gay painters down the road, who teach her about FRIENDSHIP
- meanwhile, ship Maria Lucas/Colonel Fitzwilliam, which is set up to be a love triangle between Maria and Colonel Fitzwilliam and Anne de Bourgh-who-he-is-supposed-to-marry, except Maria keeps thinking instead "Anne looks so nice when she's happy, I hope we'll be friends! :D"
- meanwhile there is a subplot about Lady Catherine's dead husband's SECRET TRAGIC BACKSTORY LOVE AFFAIR, and Lady Catherine's brother has a MYSTERIOUS TREASURE IN THE ATTIC, and someone has a SECRET SIBLING who may or may not have been cross-dressing the whole time, and someone else commits suicide by walking into a blazing bonfire
All of which is pretty much exactly what I would have expected from Joan Aiken but I am delighted nonetheless! I am especially delighted by the fact that in the end, all the girls are like "I CHOOSE ME!" and nobody gets married at all!
Well, okay, Anne actually chooses her possibly cross-dressing garden boy secret half-sibling, but same difference.
And the treasure in the attic turns out to be the secret make-believe fantasy world that Lady Catherine's brother and she made up when they were ten, and the bad guy reforms due to the power of the gay painter's love and moves in with him, and seriously, guys, best Jane Austen fanfic ever.
It's called Lady Catherine's Necklace and you can buy it through Amazon, because it was written by Joan Aiken, author of the most amazingly cracked-out children's books of all time. Normally I tend to avoid published Jane Austen fanfic, but in this case I felt it was worth it just to see what she would do!
And while for the first third of the book or so everything seems fairly standard for a Jane Austen fanfic -- scheming adventurers have turned up at Lady Catherine's house, awkward romantic entanglements, etc. -- by midway through it turns out the answer actually is:
- KIDNAP LADY CATHERINE and strand her hilariously on a flooded rock with a depressed sailor-poet with prophetic dreams and a tragic past so that she can LEARN TO COPE WITH LIFE. (The best part is when they try and play Whose Life Sucks More; "she was obliged to concede that to have lost a wife, three children, his entire fortune and an unpublished volume of verse which he had hoped that some English publisher would accept and bring out -- all this greatly exceeded the loss of a son in his third year and a husband whom she had never valued above half")
- meanwhile, turn Anne de Bourgh basically into Mary Lennox from The Secret Garden and have her wander around being cranky to everyone except the garden boy and the gay painters down the road, who teach her about FRIENDSHIP
- meanwhile, ship Maria Lucas/Colonel Fitzwilliam, which is set up to be a love triangle between Maria and Colonel Fitzwilliam and Anne de Bourgh-who-he-is-supposed-to-marry, except Maria keeps thinking instead "Anne looks so nice when she's happy, I hope we'll be friends! :D"
- meanwhile there is a subplot about Lady Catherine's dead husband's SECRET TRAGIC BACKSTORY LOVE AFFAIR, and Lady Catherine's brother has a MYSTERIOUS TREASURE IN THE ATTIC, and someone has a SECRET SIBLING who may or may not have been cross-dressing the whole time, and someone else commits suicide by walking into a blazing bonfire
All of which is pretty much exactly what I would have expected from Joan Aiken but I am delighted nonetheless! I am especially delighted by the fact that in the end, all the girls are like "I CHOOSE ME!" and nobody gets married at all!
Well, okay, Anne actually chooses her possibly cross-dressing garden boy secret half-sibling, but same difference.
And the treasure in the attic turns out to be the secret make-believe fantasy world that Lady Catherine's brother and she made up when they were ten, and the bad guy reforms due to the power of the gay painter's love and moves in with him, and seriously, guys, best Jane Austen fanfic ever.
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:DDDDD I MUST READ THIS
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