skygiants | (no subject)

Crossposts: http://bookelfe.livejournal.com/315263.html

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lotr,
movies

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I am finally done with finals and so behind on writing up everything! I have a ton of stuff to talk about, but let's start with The Hobbit which I saw last night.

- I cannot wait until some eager film student does a shot-by-shot comparison of these movies and the LOTR trilogy, because man, there is so much of that camera work that was literally identical. I have never seen such a dedicated exercise in cinematic nostalgia!

- I deeply enjoyed enjoyed the ten seconds we got of Thranduil Looking Desperately Bored. Other things I enjoy: the moose vs. elk war about Thranduil's steed in the moose and elk tags on tumblr. Because: OH TUMBLR

- I also enjoyed how Galadriel just could not even be bothered to pretend she was listening to Saruman

- I don't know how to feel about Rock'Em Sock'Em Storm Giants

- or about Stoner Radagast

- but Thorin's constant posing was AMAZING. My favorite was that time that he stood like two feet away and pretended that he wasn't hearing Balin going on and on about how amazing he was, then turned around at the MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT POSSIBLE. But I also enjoyed the time that he went charging off to have an epic one-on-one fight while all of his friends were still hanging from their fingertips off a tree, like, ". . . guys? A little help here?"

- I also really enjoyed how Thorin canonically cannot read a map or do directions. My new headcanon for that film is that while he got lost trying to find Bilbo's he accidentally wandered into Lobelia Sackville-Baggins' house and listened to her ranting for an hour about her jerk cousin Bilbo. Speaking of . . .

So this goes outside the cut because a.) not spoilery and b.) legitimately one of the best ideas I have ever had:

So Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is a confirmed spoon thief, right?

As in . . . confirmed burglar?

All it would take is the dwarves going to a different Baggins door, guys. LOBELIA AND THE TWELVE DWARVES. Everyone needs to get cracking on this AU pronto.

(Lobelia Sackville-Baggins don't play with riddle games, man. She just thwacks Gollum with her umbrella, takes the ring and sashays the hell out.)

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I like how your mind works though I think taking the spoons is from when Bilbo comes back when its thought that he died. So that AU might take a little wiggle room but I'd read it. This was just a fun movie.

All I'm saying is, she's got the skills, man! THE SKILLS AND THE INITIATIVE. Lobelia needs no wizard to push her into a life of crime!

Unfortunately she does get caught by Bilbo -- but we can handwave that as a Moment of Weakness.

If hobbits are the great secret weapon, then the only way to defeat hobbits is with other hobbits! We can't hold that against her.

*_____*

Wow. That is the best idea ever.

Lobelia Kicks Dwarves Into Shape, Teaches Them Table Manners, Has No Patience For This Elf Crap, Steals Five Million Bajillion Tons Of Gold. BEST NOVEL.

YOUR BRAIN. I LOVE IT.

LISTEN MR. TOLKEIN

I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH

but Lobelia Sackville-Baggins would have been the best hobbit burglar of all time

OF ALL TIME

I would read that AU SO HARD.

I might have talked someone into writing it today! FINGERS CROSSED.

And with the tons of gold builds a much nicer hobbit hole than Bag End and has even cooler parties.

Lobelia throws the best parties, man. AND she invites her dwarf friends, now that she's trained them up right!

. . . I mean this AU may end with Lobelia not being able to relinquish the ring and becoming the Dark Queen of Middle-Earth, but . . . that's also kind of totally awesome, in a way . . .

bwahaha...

Galadriel: ...well, shit.

Yesssssss.

And then sixty years later either we get Dark Lady Lobelia, or Lobelia and her three cranky old biddie hobbit friends saving Middle Earth!

I vote Dark Lady!

I literally just started laughing so hard my roommates turned and were like ". . . are you all right . . .?"

DAMN YOU SHATI

Permission to link?

Please feel free! :)

LOBELIA AND THE TWELVE DWARVES.

Helpless ROFLing.

[Hi -- did NOT come here via

kouredios' meme, but on a friend's rec. Very pleased to be reading you.]

My favourite Thorin pose was his NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO face when Azog was having a flameout overhead in one of the flashbacks.

Welcome and glad to have you here! :D

HAHAHAHA YEAH I REMEMBER THAT FACE. All of the flashbacks were pretty full of Epic Thorin Posing. Oh - and that time he sliced off Nemesis Orc's hand, and Nemesis Orc is just kind of standing there waving his bleeding stump, and Thorin's making this dramatic face of "I HAVE SLAIN MY ENEMY!" No, dude, that's pretty much just a flesh wound . . . .

......yes.

BEST HOBBIT AU EVER.

I have no words to describe how much I want and need this AU in my life.

WE ALL NEED IT. The WORLD needs it! I am hoping if I shout about it long enough someone will come through . . . . >:D

My favourite part might well have been Gandalf's "ohshit busted by ~~mom~~ my boss" face, complete with the entire "nagnagnag NO ONE IS LISTENING" sequence. Even venerably grey and cryptic wizards have to put up with even older and greyer wizards getting on their cases!

Also HAHAHA. I feel this AU would perhaps... not end too well for Middle Earth... but nonetheless I WOULD READ THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

HAHAHA YES. And Elrond is just sitting there looking pissy because the cool kids are passing notes and he's stuck actually listening to Saruman, like, "guys, YOU ALL SUCK."

I don't know what you're talking about, Dark Lady Lobelia is CLEARLY the best possible ruler of Middle-Earth. >.>

Chalk me up as another who wants the Lobelia burglar adventure!

Maybe someone can travel back in time and present Tolkien with a petition!

So Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is a confirmed spoon thief, right?

As in . . . confirmed burglar?

All it would take is the dwarves going to a different Baggins door, guys.

I'm going to cry. FUCK YOU TOLKIEN WHY ARGH

The Hobbit COULD HAVE BEEN a story about an actual female character!

*averts eyes from spoilers*

LOBELIA AND THE TWELVE DWARVES is AMAZING.

It has instantly jumped into position as my favorite Tolkien-related alternate universe!

What is your now-second favorite?

This is more reading sideways into the text, but the one where half the dwarves, including Thorin, are ladies!

Of course there's no reason really it can't be both.

I would like to pretend they are in canon, but canon is so solidly itself in this regard that it defies my imagination. =

Here via network. I bow to your genius.

LOBELIA!

GREATEST HOBBIT EVER!

That is amazing.

I WANT IT TO EXIST SO MUCH.

This is a *wonderful* idea; do you mind if I take a crack at it (with attribution, of course)?

PLEASE DO. I want as many versions of this running around as possible!

My favourite part was BUNNIES DRAWING A SLEIGH because it is a) frankly ridiculous and b) 9yo Izzy's favourite animal was bunnies.

The whole movie was pretty ridiculous to be honest and I feel that I owe apologies to the poor girl (~11 years old) who was sitting next to me for laughing so much.

I continue to enjoy the cinematography and the pretty cities!

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