skygiants | (no subject)

I am finally done with finals and so behind on writing up everything! I have a ton of stuff to talk about, but let's start with The Hobbit which I saw last night.

- I cannot wait until some eager film student does a shot-by-shot comparison of these movies and the LOTR trilogy, because man, there is so much of that camera work that was literally identical. I have never seen such a dedicated exercise in cinematic nostalgia!

- I deeply enjoyed enjoyed the ten seconds we got of Thranduil Looking Desperately Bored. Other things I enjoy: the moose vs. elk war about Thranduil's steed in the moose and elk tags on tumblr. Because: OH TUMBLR

- I also enjoyed how Galadriel just could not even be bothered to pretend she was listening to Saruman

- I don't know how to feel about Rock'Em Sock'Em Storm Giants

- or about Stoner Radagast

- but Thorin's constant posing was AMAZING. My favorite was that time that he stood like two feet away and pretended that he wasn't hearing Balin going on and on about how amazing he was, then turned around at the MOST DRAMATIC MOMENT POSSIBLE. But I also enjoyed the time that he went charging off to have an epic one-on-one fight while all of his friends were still hanging from their fingertips off a tree, like, ". . . guys? A little help here?"

- I also really enjoyed how Thorin canonically cannot read a map or do directions. My new headcanon for that film is that while he got lost trying to find Bilbo's he accidentally wandered into Lobelia Sackville-Baggins' house and listened to her ranting for an hour about her jerk cousin Bilbo. Speaking of . . .

So this goes outside the cut because a.) not spoilery and b.) legitimately one of the best ideas I have ever had:

So Lobelia Sackville-Baggins is a confirmed spoon thief, right?

As in . . . confirmed burglar?

All it would take is the dwarves going to a different Baggins door, guys. LOBELIA AND THE TWELVE DWARVES. Everyone needs to get cracking on this AU pronto.

(Lobelia Sackville-Baggins don't play with riddle games, man. She just thwacks Gollum with her umbrella, takes the ring and sashays the hell out.)

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Wow. That is the best idea ever.

Lobelia Kicks Dwarves Into Shape, Teaches Them Table Manners, Has No Patience For This Elf Crap, Steals Five Million Bajillion Tons Of Gold. BEST NOVEL.

YOUR BRAIN. I LOVE IT.

LISTEN MR. TOLKEIN

I'M REAL HAPPY FOR YOU AND I'M GONNA LET YOU FINISH

but Lobelia Sackville-Baggins would have been the best hobbit burglar of all time

OF ALL TIME

I would read that AU SO HARD.

I might have talked someone into writing it today! FINGERS CROSSED.

And with the tons of gold builds a much nicer hobbit hole than Bag End and has even cooler parties.

Lobelia throws the best parties, man. AND she invites her dwarf friends, now that she's trained them up right!

. . . I mean this AU may end with Lobelia not being able to relinquish the ring and becoming the Dark Queen of Middle-Earth, but . . . that's also kind of totally awesome, in a way . . .

bwahaha...

Galadriel: ...well, shit.

Yesssssss.

And then sixty years later either we get Dark Lady Lobelia, or Lobelia and her three cranky old biddie hobbit friends saving Middle Earth!

I vote Dark Lady!