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May. 30th, 2026 08:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsI am under a kind of curse, which is that if I see a King Arthur riff that looks exceptionally strange or funny I must bring it home to experience and add to my collection [mentally, metaphorically] [the physical book does not need to stay in my physical home once I have consumed its contents].
King Arthur in the children's novel The Camelot Code: The Once and Future Geek is also under a kind of curse, which is to say, he's King Arthur. I found this novel in a used bookstore and read the back copy explaining the plot, which is that Arthur time travels to the future, self-Googles, and immediately decides to abandon his destiny and try out for the football team instead. The mirror crack'd from side to side, "the curse has come upon me," I cried, eyes fixed on Camelot, etc.
So! The Camelot Code begins with best friends Sophie and Stu, playing their favorite video game Arthurian Flavor World Of Warcraft with their buddy Melvin from California. Alas! Stu can't raid next Friday because he has recently joined the soccer team and he has to go to pizza with them. Sophie worries that their friendship, which is built around being geeks who don't have normal high school hobbies, is perhaps doomed. :((
Meanwhile, in The Indeterminate Past, best friends Serving Boy Arthur and Princess Guinevere (a plucky warrior princess who can absolutely use a sword but is also at risk of being Sold Off Like A Mule to the Highest Bidder in Marriage) are hanging out secretly distributing largesse to oppressed peasants. Alas! They can't distribute any more largesse because evil Agravaine and Kay have shown up to bully them and oppress the peasants even more. Arthur worries that their friendship, which is built around being compassionate heroes who are not married off to evil knights, is perhaps doomed. :((
These two worlds connect when, during a visit to Merlin's Crystal Cave [it's very sparkly] [Merlin distributes Ray-Bans to all visitors], Gwen and Arthur accidentally drop Uther's magical scabbard down a time portal to Massachusetts, which Merlin keeps open for the wi-fi. Through a series of chaotic events, Arthur ends up at Sophie and Stu's school, while Stu under a shape-changing spell has to sub in for him at Camelot to pull the sword out of the stone and get the legend off on the right track.
Merlin is able to recruit Sophie and Stu specifically because! it turns out! he's their raid buddy Melvin! To be clear, this is not part of some Merlin master plan. Merlin just enjoys Arthurian-flavor WoW and it is NOT weird for him that everyone in Arthurian-flavor WoW greets each other by going "May the Merlin be with you."
At Camelot, Stu is able to defeat King Lot in single combat, using his Geek Knowledge, by inventing The Gun [but don't worry] [the gun doesn't do THAT much damage] [this thirteen year old Hasn't Killed Anyone].
Meanwhile, Arthur befriends Stu's good-hearted, extremely handsome jock stepbrother Lucas Lake [Stu and Arthur in their own POVs both take time to tell us how handsome Lucas is] [Which Could Mean Nothing] and joins the football team. He's a natural! Everyone loves him! Sophie, who has now returned to her own time in an attempt to get Arthur to come home, decides the way to convince him is to let him Google himself and perhaps even play a rousing game of Arthurian WoW. Understandably, Arthur reads about the Guinevere/Lancelot Situation and the Mordred Situation and takes a firm stance of Absolutely Not. Being a twenty-first century football hero is great. He is going to stay a twenty-first century football hero, please and thank you.
Oh, Morgana is also here, by the way. We get a moving Morgana-POV chapter about Morgana's difficult childhood and the Uther situation and how sad she was when Merlin came to take baby Arthur away for his Destiny and then we will never hear about any of that again because she is determined to kill Arthur and rule the world as Evil Empress. Anyway, Morgana also ends up at the same Massachusetts high school, where she recruits the guy who didn't get to run the all-important Game Saving Touchdown because Arthur subbed in heroically instead as her minion.
Although Stu is doing his best with Camelot, the future is inevitably being affected by these changes to the story of Definitely Totally Real Historical Arthur! In the future timeline, suddenly Lucas is no longer Stu's stepbrother! Suddenly pepperoni has never been invented! Suddenly Sophie's history exams are asking her about Evil Empress Morgana and the Saxon Invasion that Slaughtered Every Man, Woman and Child! Sophie is spiraling! Guinevere arrives to help with Operation Convince Arthur and encourage him to return to the past and marry her, but alas, Arthur's foreknowledge of The Guinevere/Lancelot Situation stands between them, not helped by Extremely Handsome Jock Stepbrother Lucas Lake innocently hitting on Guinevere at exactly the wrong time.
Meanwhile, Morgana has decided her new plan is to kidnap Guinevere to force Arthur to accede to her whims. Fortunately Sophie is discovering her latent magical abilities, inherited from her long-lost mother, who it turns out is a time-traveling maiden of Avalon who had to abandon the family to save the world. We don't really have time to get into all that but also there really isn't that much more of it to get into.
Anyway! By telling Arthur about the Saxon Invasion That Slaughters Every Man, Woman and Child and reminding him of the oppressed peasants that they tried to help at the beginning of the book, Sophie and Guinevere are able to convince Arthur to take up his destiny and they all go back, just in time, because the big Saxon Invasion That Slaughters Every Man, Woman and Child is TOMORROW! !! !!! and Stu's magic looks-like-Arthur spell has washed off because he unwisely dove in a lake to rescue Elaine of Astolat! !! !!!
Lucas comes too because he's a nice handsome boy who just wants to help. Also, in the alternate future that's been created by the timeline changes, he doesn't just love sports! He also loves Madden and various strategy games. This is how we know that he is truly virtuous at heart.
Unfortunately, Morgana has now successfully kidnapped Guinevere, so somebody has to go rescue her. [I regret to say that Guinevere being a virtuous warrior maiden actually has no impact on the plot beats whatsoever.] Arthur and Lucas have to use their football-and-Madden strategy skills to rout the Saxons and so will be to busy for the rescue mission, but if Sophie and Stu can get the WoW raid party back together, they're confident they can save the day. Fortunately, Elaine of Astolat can lead them to Astolat, where Merlin went to fess up to making a mess of things with the time travel internet portal situation. Unfortunately, Merlin's been turned into a tree for a thousand years in penance for his crimes, and regretfully suggests that they must find a pickup group in the next town. Fortunately, Elaine of Astolat can also free Merlin from his tree. Elaine of Astolat kind of an MVP despite the fact that the book persists in reminding us that she's annoying and soppy. Don't worry about Elaine, though. Not only is she not going to drown in the river, but she'll be rewarded with a slow dance with Nice Handsome Jock Lucas Lake before the story ends.
And so! Sophie, Stu, and Merlin go to defeat Morgana, in a climactic battle that conveniently works exactly like Arthurian WoW and ends with Stu stabbing Morgana dead with Excalibur [but don't worry, her spirit escapes] [it's fine] [this thirteen year old HASN'T KILLED ANYONE]. Arthur and Lucas' football strategies prove amazingly effective in routing the Saxons [people probably died offscreen but please don't worry about it] [that thirteen year old probably didn't kill anyone either]. Everyone has a big party and then goes back to their own time, but not before Sophie's magical time-traveling mother recruits her into the secret society of time traveling Avalon maidens, and also shares her Skype ID so they can talk any time. This was really the greatest surprise to me of the whole book. Skype?? I said. Skype? But then I thought to check the pub date and it was 2018, so: ok, sure, Skype. I guess hypothetically that was indeed still sort of relevant then.
Oh, and Sophie has come to terms with Stu being on the soccer team. They will still raid on the weekends! Maybe Sophie will also even consider playing field hockey!
Okay, that's all. It's in the mental collection. My curse has been lifted, and the book can now leave my house again.
King Arthur in the children's novel The Camelot Code: The Once and Future Geek is also under a kind of curse, which is to say, he's King Arthur. I found this novel in a used bookstore and read the back copy explaining the plot, which is that Arthur time travels to the future, self-Googles, and immediately decides to abandon his destiny and try out for the football team instead. The mirror crack'd from side to side, "the curse has come upon me," I cried, eyes fixed on Camelot, etc.
So! The Camelot Code begins with best friends Sophie and Stu, playing their favorite video game Arthurian Flavor World Of Warcraft with their buddy Melvin from California. Alas! Stu can't raid next Friday because he has recently joined the soccer team and he has to go to pizza with them. Sophie worries that their friendship, which is built around being geeks who don't have normal high school hobbies, is perhaps doomed. :((
Meanwhile, in The Indeterminate Past, best friends Serving Boy Arthur and Princess Guinevere (a plucky warrior princess who can absolutely use a sword but is also at risk of being Sold Off Like A Mule to the Highest Bidder in Marriage) are hanging out secretly distributing largesse to oppressed peasants. Alas! They can't distribute any more largesse because evil Agravaine and Kay have shown up to bully them and oppress the peasants even more. Arthur worries that their friendship, which is built around being compassionate heroes who are not married off to evil knights, is perhaps doomed. :((
These two worlds connect when, during a visit to Merlin's Crystal Cave [it's very sparkly] [Merlin distributes Ray-Bans to all visitors], Gwen and Arthur accidentally drop Uther's magical scabbard down a time portal to Massachusetts, which Merlin keeps open for the wi-fi. Through a series of chaotic events, Arthur ends up at Sophie and Stu's school, while Stu under a shape-changing spell has to sub in for him at Camelot to pull the sword out of the stone and get the legend off on the right track.
Merlin is able to recruit Sophie and Stu specifically because! it turns out! he's their raid buddy Melvin! To be clear, this is not part of some Merlin master plan. Merlin just enjoys Arthurian-flavor WoW and it is NOT weird for him that everyone in Arthurian-flavor WoW greets each other by going "May the Merlin be with you."
At Camelot, Stu is able to defeat King Lot in single combat, using his Geek Knowledge, by inventing The Gun [but don't worry] [the gun doesn't do THAT much damage] [this thirteen year old Hasn't Killed Anyone].
Meanwhile, Arthur befriends Stu's good-hearted, extremely handsome jock stepbrother Lucas Lake [Stu and Arthur in their own POVs both take time to tell us how handsome Lucas is] [Which Could Mean Nothing] and joins the football team. He's a natural! Everyone loves him! Sophie, who has now returned to her own time in an attempt to get Arthur to come home, decides the way to convince him is to let him Google himself and perhaps even play a rousing game of Arthurian WoW. Understandably, Arthur reads about the Guinevere/Lancelot Situation and the Mordred Situation and takes a firm stance of Absolutely Not. Being a twenty-first century football hero is great. He is going to stay a twenty-first century football hero, please and thank you.
Oh, Morgana is also here, by the way. We get a moving Morgana-POV chapter about Morgana's difficult childhood and the Uther situation and how sad she was when Merlin came to take baby Arthur away for his Destiny and then we will never hear about any of that again because she is determined to kill Arthur and rule the world as Evil Empress. Anyway, Morgana also ends up at the same Massachusetts high school, where she recruits the guy who didn't get to run the all-important Game Saving Touchdown because Arthur subbed in heroically instead as her minion.
Although Stu is doing his best with Camelot, the future is inevitably being affected by these changes to the story of Definitely Totally Real Historical Arthur! In the future timeline, suddenly Lucas is no longer Stu's stepbrother! Suddenly pepperoni has never been invented! Suddenly Sophie's history exams are asking her about Evil Empress Morgana and the Saxon Invasion that Slaughtered Every Man, Woman and Child! Sophie is spiraling! Guinevere arrives to help with Operation Convince Arthur and encourage him to return to the past and marry her, but alas, Arthur's foreknowledge of The Guinevere/Lancelot Situation stands between them, not helped by Extremely Handsome Jock Stepbrother Lucas Lake innocently hitting on Guinevere at exactly the wrong time.
Meanwhile, Morgana has decided her new plan is to kidnap Guinevere to force Arthur to accede to her whims. Fortunately Sophie is discovering her latent magical abilities, inherited from her long-lost mother, who it turns out is a time-traveling maiden of Avalon who had to abandon the family to save the world. We don't really have time to get into all that but also there really isn't that much more of it to get into.
Anyway! By telling Arthur about the Saxon Invasion That Slaughters Every Man, Woman and Child and reminding him of the oppressed peasants that they tried to help at the beginning of the book, Sophie and Guinevere are able to convince Arthur to take up his destiny and they all go back, just in time, because the big Saxon Invasion That Slaughters Every Man, Woman and Child is TOMORROW! !! !!! and Stu's magic looks-like-Arthur spell has washed off because he unwisely dove in a lake to rescue Elaine of Astolat! !! !!!
Lucas comes too because he's a nice handsome boy who just wants to help. Also, in the alternate future that's been created by the timeline changes, he doesn't just love sports! He also loves Madden and various strategy games. This is how we know that he is truly virtuous at heart.
Unfortunately, Morgana has now successfully kidnapped Guinevere, so somebody has to go rescue her. [I regret to say that Guinevere being a virtuous warrior maiden actually has no impact on the plot beats whatsoever.] Arthur and Lucas have to use their football-and-Madden strategy skills to rout the Saxons and so will be to busy for the rescue mission, but if Sophie and Stu can get the WoW raid party back together, they're confident they can save the day. Fortunately, Elaine of Astolat can lead them to Astolat, where Merlin went to fess up to making a mess of things with the time travel internet portal situation. Unfortunately, Merlin's been turned into a tree for a thousand years in penance for his crimes, and regretfully suggests that they must find a pickup group in the next town. Fortunately, Elaine of Astolat can also free Merlin from his tree. Elaine of Astolat kind of an MVP despite the fact that the book persists in reminding us that she's annoying and soppy. Don't worry about Elaine, though. Not only is she not going to drown in the river, but she'll be rewarded with a slow dance with Nice Handsome Jock Lucas Lake before the story ends.
And so! Sophie, Stu, and Merlin go to defeat Morgana, in a climactic battle that conveniently works exactly like Arthurian WoW and ends with Stu stabbing Morgana dead with Excalibur [but don't worry, her spirit escapes] [it's fine] [this thirteen year old HASN'T KILLED ANYONE]. Arthur and Lucas' football strategies prove amazingly effective in routing the Saxons [people probably died offscreen but please don't worry about it] [that thirteen year old probably didn't kill anyone either]. Everyone has a big party and then goes back to their own time, but not before Sophie's magical time-traveling mother recruits her into the secret society of time traveling Avalon maidens, and also shares her Skype ID so they can talk any time. This was really the greatest surprise to me of the whole book. Skype?? I said. Skype? But then I thought to check the pub date and it was 2018, so: ok, sure, Skype. I guess hypothetically that was indeed still sort of relevant then.
Oh, and Sophie has come to terms with Stu being on the soccer team. They will still raid on the weekends! Maybe Sophie will also even consider playing field hockey!
Okay, that's all. It's in the mental collection. My curse has been lifted, and the book can now leave my house again.
