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May. 24th, 2012 08:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsYou know how sometimes you can remember one small detail of a book and nothing else about it? In this case, a few weeks ago I had a sudden powerful flashback to a book with a character named Columba who was at some point maybe got turned into a dove? THAT'S IT. That's all I knew.
It turns out the books were Katya Reimann's Tielmaran Chronicles, so the path before me had clearly been prepared for a reread. I was not actually expecting them to be good! But I've now reread the first two and I'm actually enjoying them enormously. I should have remembered the lesson I learned from Tanya Huff: CRACKED-OUT FANTASY NOVELS ARE THE BEST.
The first book is a fairly standard quest saga in which Gaultry, the Shy, Socially Awkward Magical Twin, has to go on a Quest to rescue her sister the Level-Headed, Socially Confident Magical Twin from evil magical forces! (Please note: for once, FOR ONCE, I get to read a book about twins that features NO TWINCEST.) It is mostly notable for the fact that the backstory turns out to be all about how fifty years ago, one unprepossessing but hardcore queen got together a bunch of awesome witches to make her daughter into one of fantasyland's greatest rulers. Which means that the important people in the book are all awesome old women and their descendants, who -- except for the love interest and the villain -- are pretty much also all women. WHICH IS GREAT.
Anyway, the first book happens, and Gaultry rescues her sister and saves the kingdom, and everything's pretty much okay, and then the second book happens, and that's when things get really amazingly weird.
So the book begins with Gaultry and her twin sister Mervion hanging out at court feeling really bored and socially awkward. Also Gaultry is having relationship problems!
GAULTRY'S SORT-OF BOYFRIEND MARTIN: So Gaultry, you know in the last book, how I was magically geased to protect you against my will, and we had a magical soulbond and all of these intense FEELINGS but they were super awkward and problematic in terms of power dynamics due to the geas thing, and then the geas faded and we were like 'well that's one issue sorted . . .?'
GAULTRY: . . . yes . . .?
MARTIN: So it turns out without a magic soulbond I'm sort of burned-out and dead inside and I don't know if I have the capacity to feel at all. Um. Sorry?
GAULTRY: . . .
MARTIN: I think I just need some time alone to work this out is all. I'm sure it'll be fine, intellectually I still really like you!
GAULTRY: This is kind of upsetting news, but I can't worry about it because NO STOP THE PRINCE CAN'T EAT THOSE DEER!
THE PRINCE: . . . I can't . . .?
GAULTRY: Because they are really DEAD BABIES!
THE PRINCE: . . .
THE COURT: . . .
THE DEER: *are in fact actually dead babies*
A TEENAGED ASSASSIN: I HAVE FAILED IN MY MISSION TO GET THE PRINCE TO EAT DEAD BABIES! Now I will let the poison in my body kill me before the prince's guards can.
GAULTRY: Wait, wait, everybody, stop! I just had a magical vision! That baby assassin's spirit animal is a TINY CUTE PUPPY!
MERVION: Gaultry, that baby assassin just helped kill a bunch of babies and turn them into deer for the king to eat for dinner.
GAULTRY: But his spirit puppy is really, really, really cute, Mervion! THINK OF THE PUPPY.
MERVION: All right, fine. But you're going to be responsible for feeding it and taking it for walks.
So Gaultry shoves half her magic soul into the baby assassin (whose name is Tullier) to keep him alive and also forcibly stop him from killing people, and then promptly takes him off on a quest to go chasing after Martin, along with Martin's hot warrior sister.
HOT WARRIOR SISTER: But there's only one bed in this room. How are we gonna work this?
GAULTRY: I guess we'll just all have to share a bed! We'll put my baby assassin in the middle so he doesn't run away?
HOT WARRIOR SISTER: What about the poison sweat that will kill us if we touch it?
GAULTRY: Eh, we'll wrap him up in a sheet, it'll be fine.
Unfortunately then another assassin attacks in the middle of the night and wounds Gaultry's boyfriend's hot sister, so now it's just Gaultry and Tullier off on a rescue mission to the evil empire . . . via SLAVE SHIP!
TULLIER: So women don't really have rights in the evil empire, so while we're on the slave ship, you're going to have to pretend to be my servant. >:D
GAULTRY: JOY. Meanwhile, if I may ask, who is that handsome lady walking around in chains?
THE SHARIF: I'm the enslaved chief of a desert tribe and I'm talking to you inside your mind.
GAULTRY: . . . do we have a mystic soulbond also?
THE SHARIF: No, I can psychically talk to everybody with whom I share a bond. In this case, it's the bond of you thinking I'm totally awesome.
GAULTRY: Fair enough!
THE SHARIF: So I'm going to break out of my chains and escape with you, is that cool?
GAULTRY: Fine by me.
TULLIER: mutter mutter not fine by me don't see why we need anybody else mutter mutter
GAULTRY: Yes, but since half of my soul is the only thing keeping you alive, you don't get a vote.
So now it is a three-person road trip again! Since they have no idea what to do next now that they're in the evil empire, Gaultry and Tullier decide . . . to go SIGHTSEEING.
TULLIER: And this is the famous fountain where the second emperor drowned his four half-brothers --
GAULTRY: Charming.
TULLIER: And this is the famous temple where the fifth emperor's wife secretly murdered her ex-lover --
GAULTRY: Are there any landmarks in this city that don't have murderous stories attached them?
TULLIER: Maybe we should switch to a lesson about Evil Empire Politics! So there is an Emperor, and his three sons, and his uncle, and his uncle used to date this dancer Luka Pallia, who prayed really hard to the thunder goddess and got pregnant, which surprised everyone, including the Emperor, who had Luka Pallia killed --
GAULTRY: Why was everybody so surprised that Luka Pallia got pregnant?
TULLIER: I might have forgotten to mention that Luka Pallia had a penis.
GAULTRY: . . . golly, Luka Pallia must have prayed really really hard.
TULLIER: So are we done sightseeing yet?
GAULTRY: Yes! Now it's time to break into an official's house to steal some records.
SOME TIME LATER
TULLIER: *IS CAPTURED*
GAULTRY: . . . it would have been fine if we hadn't accidentally stumbled into the orgy!
(The Evil Empire is apparently all orgies, all the time. That's how you know they're evil.)
GAULTRY: How could I let Tullier get captured! I'M THE WORST.
THE SHARIF: Man, the plumbing in this city is fascinating. Look at these pipes!
GAULTRY: You don't seem to care very much about my guilt and angst. :(
THE SHARIF: On a scale of things I care about, aqueducts rank way, way higher than sulky baby assassins.
GAULTRY: Well, even if you don't care, will you cross-dress to help me break into the party?
THE SHARIF: Sure. I do make a good-looking gentleman.
GAULTRY: This cannot be denied.
So Gaultry and the Sharif break back into the official's house for another orgy to rescue Tullier, where they find out that Tullier's father is actually the Emperor's uncle! Otherwise known as the father of the magical mpreg baby.
GAULTRY: Wait, so let me get this straight. Tullier is not the magical divine mpreg baby, though, right? He is the Emperor's uncle's REVENGE BABY to be a secret heir to the empire, after his boyfriend got killed and his original magical divine mpreg baby was castrated at birth?
THE SHARIF: As far as I can follow what's going on, yes.
TULLIER: WHAT. I DON'T WANT A DAD. FAMILIES ARE STUPID. >:| >:| >:|
GAULTRY: ANYWAY, I guess it doesn't really matter, our job is still to rescue my boyfriend!
TULLIER: mutter mutter hey hey you you I don't like your boyfriend mutter mutter
GAULTRY: What was that?
TULLIER: Nothing!
Armed with new information, they are now ready for ROAD TRIP: THE RECKONING. Unfortunately a big thunderstorm gets in the way, so they have take shelter in another evil empire house where another orgy is going on.
TULLIER: mutter mutter sulk mutter don't want to be a secret heir to the empire mutter mutter my dad is stupid mutter mutter
GAULTRY: Will it make you feel better if we steal you a couple of nice weapons?
TULLIER: ...'es.
GAULTRY: Whoops, is that a lady in trouble being assaulted by a drunken guest of the house I see? THE GODS MOVE ME TO COME TO HER RESCUE!
TULLIER: . . . why would the gods move you to come to her rescue? I am the trained assassin here. >:| >:| >:|
GAULTRY: Maybe because you're a sulky brat? Anyway, hello! - oh whoops you only have like a quarter of your soul, lady! What's up here?
COLUMBA: *blank stare*
GAULTRY: Also I am feeling . . . strange lesbian urges rising . . .?
COLUMBA: *sexy blank stare?*
GAULTRY: THIS MUST BE A SPELL! A spell to make this poor girl irresistibly attractive to anybody who sees her! Okay, we're taking you with us to try and fix you.
TULLIER: I am not okay with this! Stop taking in strays!
THE SHARIF: Actually nor am I. This girl unnerves me.
TULLIER: Hey, I heard that!
GAULTRY: Well, it's nice that you two now share a bond of picking on this poor quarter-souled girl. Oh, but here is another half her soul! COLUMBA, BE FREE . . . ish . . . oh wait half your soul is still missing and replaced with a bird's. Uh. BE HALF FREE!
COLUMBA: oh my god why did you give me my soul back I hate you I want to diiiiiiiie
GAULTRY: . . . . that did not go as planned. Hey, Columba, what's your story?
COLUMBA: So actually there were not one but two magical mpreg babies! I was the other one. My job was just to sit here and take care of my mother's tomb --
GAULTRY: Your mother with the penis?
COLUMBA: Yes.
GAULTRY: Just checking. Carry on.
COLUMBA: But anyway, one day my brother sent me off with this warrior to go get our fortune cards read, and the fortune cards told us me and this half-hawk warrior had a sexy magical soulbond and we should get it on! So we did.
GAULTRY: . . . how did that sexy magical soulbond work out for you?
COLUMBA: Well, then my brother came back and put half my soul in a bird and took away another quarter and stole all my magic powers put all these spells on me, so as you can see, NOT GREAT. And thanks so much for giving me all these painful memories back.
GAULTRY: . . . so hey, Tullier, kiddo, isn't it nice that you have a sister!
TULLIER: . . . . >:| >:| >:|
(THE SHARIF: So Gaultry, FYI, I think our Tullier miiight have a crush on you.
GAULTRY: Nonsense! Tullier's just a cute puppy!
THE SHARIF: Tullier is a fourteen-year-old baby assassin who has never had a friend before. His feelings are A LITTLE CONFUSED. Anyway, that's all the desert wisdom you're getting from me, I just want to get this over with so I can go home and build some aqueducts.)
GAULTRY: Well anyway, I guess we all have no choice except to go the monastery where your evil castrated magical mpreg baby brother lives.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: Would you all like to see my zoo? :D I have birds and monkeys and lemurs and ocelots and cats and dogs and all kinds of things and every one of them has half a person's soul in them! :D :D
GAULTRY: . . .
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: And here is your boyfriend! His soul is now a wolf.
MARTIN: Yo.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: And now your friend's soul is half-cat! ISN'T THIS FUN.
THE SHARIF: Thanks so very much.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: Oh and while we're at it here is Columba's magical soulbonded half-hawk warrior.
COLUMBA: . . . . so are we getting back together now?
MAGICAL SOULBONDED HALF-HAWK WARRIOR: . . . no, I don't think so.
GAULTRY: . . . . well, that was awkward. Anyway, what is the purpose of all this?
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: So you know how there's that legend about how the castrated god threatened your patron goddess into sleeping with him and it temporarily healed his manhood? :D?
GAULTRY: . . .
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: You can try to resist, but man, I can keep doing this all day. Oh, here's a puppy to soulbond to Tullier!
GAULTRY: The cute puppy?! This is ALL TOO HORRIBLE. I WILL RAISE ALL MY MAGIC AGAINST YOU.
So then there's a magical battle, and Tullier stabs his big brother, and Martin gets free somehow, and Columba tries to become an all-powerful magical goddess and then Gaultry kills her bird-soul, and the Sharif is just like *eyeroll* YOU PEOPLE and eventually everything ends mostly sort of okay.
GAULTRY: So Martin, uh . . . how are you feeling?
MARTIN: I think actually being held hostage and soulbonded to a wolf somehow helped me get over my relationship issues! We are back on, baby.
GAULTRY: Great! So . . . road trip down the river?
MARTIN: I'm in.
TULLIER: I am so in. But I still don't like your boyfriend.
THE SHARIF (PLUS CAT): I'm in. I have to get home and build some aqueducts.
A PUPPY, A MONKEY, A LEMUR AND A BIRD: We are also in! :D You needed more cute animal companions, right?
GAULTRY: . . . . okay . . . .?
AND THAT'S THE END until the next book, which I don't think I ever read! I am SUPER LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I mean, it has cute puppies, what could go wrong?
It turns out the books were Katya Reimann's Tielmaran Chronicles, so the path before me had clearly been prepared for a reread. I was not actually expecting them to be good! But I've now reread the first two and I'm actually enjoying them enormously. I should have remembered the lesson I learned from Tanya Huff: CRACKED-OUT FANTASY NOVELS ARE THE BEST.
The first book is a fairly standard quest saga in which Gaultry, the Shy, Socially Awkward Magical Twin, has to go on a Quest to rescue her sister the Level-Headed, Socially Confident Magical Twin from evil magical forces! (Please note: for once, FOR ONCE, I get to read a book about twins that features NO TWINCEST.) It is mostly notable for the fact that the backstory turns out to be all about how fifty years ago, one unprepossessing but hardcore queen got together a bunch of awesome witches to make her daughter into one of fantasyland's greatest rulers. Which means that the important people in the book are all awesome old women and their descendants, who -- except for the love interest and the villain -- are pretty much also all women. WHICH IS GREAT.
Anyway, the first book happens, and Gaultry rescues her sister and saves the kingdom, and everything's pretty much okay, and then the second book happens, and that's when things get really amazingly weird.
So the book begins with Gaultry and her twin sister Mervion hanging out at court feeling really bored and socially awkward. Also Gaultry is having relationship problems!
GAULTRY'S SORT-OF BOYFRIEND MARTIN: So Gaultry, you know in the last book, how I was magically geased to protect you against my will, and we had a magical soulbond and all of these intense FEELINGS but they were super awkward and problematic in terms of power dynamics due to the geas thing, and then the geas faded and we were like 'well that's one issue sorted . . .?'
GAULTRY: . . . yes . . .?
MARTIN: So it turns out without a magic soulbond I'm sort of burned-out and dead inside and I don't know if I have the capacity to feel at all. Um. Sorry?
GAULTRY: . . .
MARTIN: I think I just need some time alone to work this out is all. I'm sure it'll be fine, intellectually I still really like you!
GAULTRY: This is kind of upsetting news, but I can't worry about it because NO STOP THE PRINCE CAN'T EAT THOSE DEER!
THE PRINCE: . . . I can't . . .?
GAULTRY: Because they are really DEAD BABIES!
THE PRINCE: . . .
THE COURT: . . .
THE DEER: *are in fact actually dead babies*
A TEENAGED ASSASSIN: I HAVE FAILED IN MY MISSION TO GET THE PRINCE TO EAT DEAD BABIES! Now I will let the poison in my body kill me before the prince's guards can.
GAULTRY: Wait, wait, everybody, stop! I just had a magical vision! That baby assassin's spirit animal is a TINY CUTE PUPPY!
MERVION: Gaultry, that baby assassin just helped kill a bunch of babies and turn them into deer for the king to eat for dinner.
GAULTRY: But his spirit puppy is really, really, really cute, Mervion! THINK OF THE PUPPY.
MERVION: All right, fine. But you're going to be responsible for feeding it and taking it for walks.
So Gaultry shoves half her magic soul into the baby assassin (whose name is Tullier) to keep him alive and also forcibly stop him from killing people, and then promptly takes him off on a quest to go chasing after Martin, along with Martin's hot warrior sister.
HOT WARRIOR SISTER: But there's only one bed in this room. How are we gonna work this?
GAULTRY: I guess we'll just all have to share a bed! We'll put my baby assassin in the middle so he doesn't run away?
HOT WARRIOR SISTER: What about the poison sweat that will kill us if we touch it?
GAULTRY: Eh, we'll wrap him up in a sheet, it'll be fine.
Unfortunately then another assassin attacks in the middle of the night and wounds Gaultry's boyfriend's hot sister, so now it's just Gaultry and Tullier off on a rescue mission to the evil empire . . . via SLAVE SHIP!
TULLIER: So women don't really have rights in the evil empire, so while we're on the slave ship, you're going to have to pretend to be my servant. >:D
GAULTRY: JOY. Meanwhile, if I may ask, who is that handsome lady walking around in chains?
THE SHARIF: I'm the enslaved chief of a desert tribe and I'm talking to you inside your mind.
GAULTRY: . . . do we have a mystic soulbond also?
THE SHARIF: No, I can psychically talk to everybody with whom I share a bond. In this case, it's the bond of you thinking I'm totally awesome.
GAULTRY: Fair enough!
THE SHARIF: So I'm going to break out of my chains and escape with you, is that cool?
GAULTRY: Fine by me.
TULLIER: mutter mutter not fine by me don't see why we need anybody else mutter mutter
GAULTRY: Yes, but since half of my soul is the only thing keeping you alive, you don't get a vote.
So now it is a three-person road trip again! Since they have no idea what to do next now that they're in the evil empire, Gaultry and Tullier decide . . . to go SIGHTSEEING.
TULLIER: And this is the famous fountain where the second emperor drowned his four half-brothers --
GAULTRY: Charming.
TULLIER: And this is the famous temple where the fifth emperor's wife secretly murdered her ex-lover --
GAULTRY: Are there any landmarks in this city that don't have murderous stories attached them?
TULLIER: Maybe we should switch to a lesson about Evil Empire Politics! So there is an Emperor, and his three sons, and his uncle, and his uncle used to date this dancer Luka Pallia, who prayed really hard to the thunder goddess and got pregnant, which surprised everyone, including the Emperor, who had Luka Pallia killed --
GAULTRY: Why was everybody so surprised that Luka Pallia got pregnant?
TULLIER: I might have forgotten to mention that Luka Pallia had a penis.
GAULTRY: . . . golly, Luka Pallia must have prayed really really hard.
TULLIER: So are we done sightseeing yet?
GAULTRY: Yes! Now it's time to break into an official's house to steal some records.
SOME TIME LATER
TULLIER: *IS CAPTURED*
GAULTRY: . . . it would have been fine if we hadn't accidentally stumbled into the orgy!
(The Evil Empire is apparently all orgies, all the time. That's how you know they're evil.)
GAULTRY: How could I let Tullier get captured! I'M THE WORST.
THE SHARIF: Man, the plumbing in this city is fascinating. Look at these pipes!
GAULTRY: You don't seem to care very much about my guilt and angst. :(
THE SHARIF: On a scale of things I care about, aqueducts rank way, way higher than sulky baby assassins.
GAULTRY: Well, even if you don't care, will you cross-dress to help me break into the party?
THE SHARIF: Sure. I do make a good-looking gentleman.
GAULTRY: This cannot be denied.
So Gaultry and the Sharif break back into the official's house for another orgy to rescue Tullier, where they find out that Tullier's father is actually the Emperor's uncle! Otherwise known as the father of the magical mpreg baby.
GAULTRY: Wait, so let me get this straight. Tullier is not the magical divine mpreg baby, though, right? He is the Emperor's uncle's REVENGE BABY to be a secret heir to the empire, after his boyfriend got killed and his original magical divine mpreg baby was castrated at birth?
THE SHARIF: As far as I can follow what's going on, yes.
TULLIER: WHAT. I DON'T WANT A DAD. FAMILIES ARE STUPID. >:| >:| >:|
GAULTRY: ANYWAY, I guess it doesn't really matter, our job is still to rescue my boyfriend!
TULLIER: mutter mutter hey hey you you I don't like your boyfriend mutter mutter
GAULTRY: What was that?
TULLIER: Nothing!
Armed with new information, they are now ready for ROAD TRIP: THE RECKONING. Unfortunately a big thunderstorm gets in the way, so they have take shelter in another evil empire house where another orgy is going on.
TULLIER: mutter mutter sulk mutter don't want to be a secret heir to the empire mutter mutter my dad is stupid mutter mutter
GAULTRY: Will it make you feel better if we steal you a couple of nice weapons?
TULLIER: ...'es.
GAULTRY: Whoops, is that a lady in trouble being assaulted by a drunken guest of the house I see? THE GODS MOVE ME TO COME TO HER RESCUE!
TULLIER: . . . why would the gods move you to come to her rescue? I am the trained assassin here. >:| >:| >:|
GAULTRY: Maybe because you're a sulky brat? Anyway, hello! - oh whoops you only have like a quarter of your soul, lady! What's up here?
COLUMBA: *blank stare*
GAULTRY: Also I am feeling . . . strange lesbian urges rising . . .?
COLUMBA: *sexy blank stare?*
GAULTRY: THIS MUST BE A SPELL! A spell to make this poor girl irresistibly attractive to anybody who sees her! Okay, we're taking you with us to try and fix you.
TULLIER: I am not okay with this! Stop taking in strays!
THE SHARIF: Actually nor am I. This girl unnerves me.
TULLIER: Hey, I heard that!
GAULTRY: Well, it's nice that you two now share a bond of picking on this poor quarter-souled girl. Oh, but here is another half her soul! COLUMBA, BE FREE . . . ish . . . oh wait half your soul is still missing and replaced with a bird's. Uh. BE HALF FREE!
COLUMBA: oh my god why did you give me my soul back I hate you I want to diiiiiiiie
GAULTRY: . . . . that did not go as planned. Hey, Columba, what's your story?
COLUMBA: So actually there were not one but two magical mpreg babies! I was the other one. My job was just to sit here and take care of my mother's tomb --
GAULTRY: Your mother with the penis?
COLUMBA: Yes.
GAULTRY: Just checking. Carry on.
COLUMBA: But anyway, one day my brother sent me off with this warrior to go get our fortune cards read, and the fortune cards told us me and this half-hawk warrior had a sexy magical soulbond and we should get it on! So we did.
GAULTRY: . . . how did that sexy magical soulbond work out for you?
COLUMBA: Well, then my brother came back and put half my soul in a bird and took away another quarter and stole all my magic powers put all these spells on me, so as you can see, NOT GREAT. And thanks so much for giving me all these painful memories back.
GAULTRY: . . . so hey, Tullier, kiddo, isn't it nice that you have a sister!
TULLIER: . . . . >:| >:| >:|
(THE SHARIF: So Gaultry, FYI, I think our Tullier miiight have a crush on you.
GAULTRY: Nonsense! Tullier's just a cute puppy!
THE SHARIF: Tullier is a fourteen-year-old baby assassin who has never had a friend before. His feelings are A LITTLE CONFUSED. Anyway, that's all the desert wisdom you're getting from me, I just want to get this over with so I can go home and build some aqueducts.)
GAULTRY: Well anyway, I guess we all have no choice except to go the monastery where your evil castrated magical mpreg baby brother lives.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: Would you all like to see my zoo? :D I have birds and monkeys and lemurs and ocelots and cats and dogs and all kinds of things and every one of them has half a person's soul in them! :D :D
GAULTRY: . . .
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: And here is your boyfriend! His soul is now a wolf.
MARTIN: Yo.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: And now your friend's soul is half-cat! ISN'T THIS FUN.
THE SHARIF: Thanks so very much.
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: Oh and while we're at it here is Columba's magical soulbonded half-hawk warrior.
COLUMBA: . . . . so are we getting back together now?
MAGICAL SOULBONDED HALF-HAWK WARRIOR: . . . no, I don't think so.
GAULTRY: . . . . well, that was awkward. Anyway, what is the purpose of all this?
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: So you know how there's that legend about how the castrated god threatened your patron goddess into sleeping with him and it temporarily healed his manhood? :D?
GAULTRY: . . .
EVIL CASTRATED MAGICAL MPREG BROTHER: You can try to resist, but man, I can keep doing this all day. Oh, here's a puppy to soulbond to Tullier!
GAULTRY: The cute puppy?! This is ALL TOO HORRIBLE. I WILL RAISE ALL MY MAGIC AGAINST YOU.
So then there's a magical battle, and Tullier stabs his big brother, and Martin gets free somehow, and Columba tries to become an all-powerful magical goddess and then Gaultry kills her bird-soul, and the Sharif is just like *eyeroll* YOU PEOPLE and eventually everything ends mostly sort of okay.
GAULTRY: So Martin, uh . . . how are you feeling?
MARTIN: I think actually being held hostage and soulbonded to a wolf somehow helped me get over my relationship issues! We are back on, baby.
GAULTRY: Great! So . . . road trip down the river?
MARTIN: I'm in.
TULLIER: I am so in. But I still don't like your boyfriend.
THE SHARIF (PLUS CAT): I'm in. I have to get home and build some aqueducts.
A PUPPY, A MONKEY, A LEMUR AND A BIRD: We are also in! :D You needed more cute animal companions, right?
GAULTRY: . . . . okay . . . .?
AND THAT'S THE END until the next book, which I don't think I ever read! I am SUPER LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I mean, it has cute puppies, what could go wrong?
no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 05:37 pm (UTC)The above is kind of how I felt doing the soul-math all the way through this thing, and now I am laughing helplessly.
Also I kind of want this road trip to detour over into Pullman's daemon-ridden world now such that this happy band runs into Lyra and Pantaleimon (sp?) and Will Parry and Kirjava.
Also also Sharif/Aqueducts = OTP.
wtf.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 10:19 pm (UTC)(They would be SO HORRIFIED by daemon worlds. Taking out people's souls is WRONG, Aspen!)
SHARIF/AQUEDUCTS IS TOTALLY MY SERIES OTP.
you should totally read these >:D
no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 10:28 pm (UTC)HMM.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-24 10:35 pm (UTC)(I do think a lot of the stuff about the books, cracked-out as they are, holds up surprisingly well -- lots of strong women, lots of cultural misunderstandings that can't all be chalked up to EVIL EMPIRE, and she does a surprisingly good job with having people interact with their gods and belief system in a way that feels much more medieval than modern, if you know what I mean.)
no subject
Date: 2012-05-25 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-25 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-05-25 02:29 am (UTC)