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Feb. 29th, 2012 11:58 amSo the experience of reading Cold Fire (sequel to Cold Magic) goes pretty much like this:
BOOK: *OPENS*
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Chase scene! Evil magicians! Revolution! Run awaaaaaaaay!
LAWYER DINOSAURS: Hello! We might be helpful! But we're not going to be.
ANGRY REVOLUTIONARIES: Hello! We might be helpful! But we're not going to be.
OUR HEROINE'S FAKE ARRANGED HUSBAND: Hello! I might be helpful! But mostly I'm going to be fabulously dressed and sulky about how you won't say if you liiiike me or not.
FAKE AU NAPOLEON: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might be really bad news!
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Run awaaaaaaaaaaaay!
OUR HEROINE'S OLD SCHOOL PRINCIPAL: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might be a dragon. YOU DON'T KNOW.
SOME GOBLINS: Hello! We might be helpful! But we don't really know why we're in this book.
UNDEAD SEVERED HEAD OF A FAMOUS CELTIC POET AND LEGAL SCHOLAR: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might make you make out with me.
OUR HEROINE'S FABULOUS COUSIN: Or, or, how about this: I might make you make out with me.
UNDEAD SEVERED HEAD OF A FAMOUS CELTIC POET AND LEGAL SCHOLAR: . . . ahhhh! You are too fabulous! I can't make out with you! RUN AWAAAAAY!
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Run awaaaaaay! Into . . . the spirit world!
THE SPIRIT WORLD: Hello! You thought we were going to be helpful, and . . . that was pretty stupid, actually.
THE LORD OF THE WILD HUNT: Now, you know I'm not going to be helpful.
OUR HEROINE: Run awaaaaay, fabulous cousin!
FABULOUS COUSIN: *runs awaaaaaay*
(BECCA: . . . wait, hang on, I'm on page 100? This initial chase sequence has been going on for a hundred pages?)
( SPOILERS FOR LIKE A THIRD OF THE BOOK, I can't even spoil the whole thing, there's just TOO MUCH. So mostly just the bits that involve zombies and punching sharks in the face. )
So . . . that's Cold Fire! I don't think I have ever read a book that reminded me more of a roller coaster. A roller coaster on which you spend a lot of time screaming for things to slow down, but also on which you get to punch a shark in the face.
BOOK: *OPENS*
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Chase scene! Evil magicians! Revolution! Run awaaaaaaaay!
LAWYER DINOSAURS: Hello! We might be helpful! But we're not going to be.
ANGRY REVOLUTIONARIES: Hello! We might be helpful! But we're not going to be.
OUR HEROINE'S FAKE ARRANGED HUSBAND: Hello! I might be helpful! But mostly I'm going to be fabulously dressed and sulky about how you won't say if you liiiike me or not.
FAKE AU NAPOLEON: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might be really bad news!
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Run awaaaaaaaaaaaay!
OUR HEROINE'S OLD SCHOOL PRINCIPAL: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might be a dragon. YOU DON'T KNOW.
SOME GOBLINS: Hello! We might be helpful! But we don't really know why we're in this book.
UNDEAD SEVERED HEAD OF A FAMOUS CELTIC POET AND LEGAL SCHOLAR: Hello! I might be helpful! Or I might make you make out with me.
OUR HEROINE'S FABULOUS COUSIN: Or, or, how about this: I might make you make out with me.
UNDEAD SEVERED HEAD OF A FAMOUS CELTIC POET AND LEGAL SCHOLAR: . . . ahhhh! You are too fabulous! I can't make out with you! RUN AWAAAAAY!
OUR HEROINE AND HER FABULOUS COUSIN: Run awaaaaaay! Into . . . the spirit world!
THE SPIRIT WORLD: Hello! You thought we were going to be helpful, and . . . that was pretty stupid, actually.
THE LORD OF THE WILD HUNT: Now, you know I'm not going to be helpful.
OUR HEROINE: Run awaaaaay, fabulous cousin!
FABULOUS COUSIN: *runs awaaaaaay*
(BECCA: . . . wait, hang on, I'm on page 100? This initial chase sequence has been going on for a hundred pages?)
( SPOILERS FOR LIKE A THIRD OF THE BOOK, I can't even spoil the whole thing, there's just TOO MUCH. So mostly just the bits that involve zombies and punching sharks in the face. )
So . . . that's Cold Fire! I don't think I have ever read a book that reminded me more of a roller coaster. A roller coaster on which you spend a lot of time screaming for things to slow down, but also on which you get to punch a shark in the face.
