(no subject)

So at first I felt a little bit like a bad lit-nerd for not having read Calvino's If on a winter's night a traveler.

And now I feel a bit like a bad lit-nerd for not loving If on a winter's night a traveler?

I mean, yes, reading meta as novel, that's cool! And there are certainly some bits that spoke to me, that made me go, yes, that's how I read, that's what it means. And there were other parts that were numinous and beautiful in and of themselves. But there are plenty of other bits that didn't and weren't, and -- man, I don't know. I rebel against the idea of the 'perfect' female reader as a mysterious, unattainable object of desire full of secrets. I rebel against the division of the desirable passive female reader and the undesirable active female reader.

And I think maybe I just rebel against the whole characterization of the act of reading as bizarre, mystical, inherently frustrating. That may be what Calvino feels, when he sits down and digs deep into his soul about how he feels about books, but to me it seems like a strangely one-sided portrayal. The act of reading is numinous to me exactly because it's so ordinary, and so necessary. A day feels wrong to me if I haven't picked up a book at any point. And I didn't feel that part of reading, that comfort and joy, from If on a winter's night a traveler. I get that part of the point is to frustrate the reader. But I didn't just feel frustrated, I spent a lot of the time feeling alienated.

I'm glad I read it, though! I like being able to read all the excellent If on a winter's night a traveler Yuletide fics.