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Jul. 5th, 2016 08:29 amI was on vacation this weekend, so, as is traditional, I kicked off with a Barbara Michaels Gothic, Vanish With the Rose.
The premise of this one is that our heroine Diana's baby brother vanished while working for an elderly woman at (of course) an enormous country house. The country house has since been sold to an enthusiastic pair of professors and history nerds who are very keen on remodeling and fixing up the gardens, so Diana -- for the record, an adult, high-powered lawyer -- turns up to investigate! in disguise! AS THEIR LANDSCAPE ARCHITECT!
Almost as soon as she begins the plan, Diana finds herself in MORAL AGONIES about it. Emily and Charles are so nice! They really BELIEVE she's going to turn in a solid diagram about where they can place the ha-ha!!
She would never be able to see a rose, much less one of the lovely old varieties, without being reminded of her perfidy toward people who had trusted her.
In between paroxysms of guilt about her landscaping perfidy, Diana rounds out her circle of acquaintances with some possible suspects/routes in the Gothic novel dating simulator, including
WALT - the sullen hot one, a contractor with a chip on his shoulder about being smart but under-educated, who is in on Diana's secret and Disapproves Of Her Taking In Those Nice People
ANTHONY - the funny weird one, Emily's wildly talkative son who can't hold down a job and collects useless old cars, giant dogs, and cacti
MARY JO - the ambitious nineteen-year-old cleaning lady with an even bigger chip on her shoulder than Walt, who is putting herself through college by holding down three jobs while resolutely ignoring her abusive ex-husband's occasional fits of murderous rage
Diana's judgmental asshole father, in town for a judgy visit, sums up the inevitable Romantic Choice: "On the whole, I think I'd prefer the strong silent sullen gentleman with the muscles to the loquacious youth with the garish taste in haberdashery."
That said, Diana actually spends much more time in the book making giant shiny eyes at Mary Jo than either of them, AS IS RIGHT AND JUST.
Mary Jo gave Diana's hand a brief squeeze before withdrawing hers; Diana felt as if she had won a prize.
After a few days of desperately trying to fake her way through landscape architecting, Emily and Charles take off on an antiques-buying trip and leave Diana house-sitting. Diana and Anthony start having visitations from what might be a ghost, while Mary Jo's asshole ex turns up with a gun and starts taking potshots at anyone who might be around, including all of Anthony's giant dogs. As a result, Walt, Anthony, and Mary Jo all move into the house with Diana!
The rest of the book goes pretty much as follows;
ANTHONY: I'm gonna tear this house apart trying to figure out what's going on with the ghost!
WALT: I really, really would like to solve the problem of the abusive ex with the gun!
DIANA: I still have to figure out what happened to my brother! Did the ghost get him? Did the abusive ex with the gun get him? DID ONE OF MY LOVE INTERESTS GET HIM?
MARY JO: You guys do what you need to do with the Gothic plot and all, I have an actual exam tomorrow and will be in the library with a math textbook.
In the end, ( I was genuinely surprised by the resolution! )
The premise of this one is that our heroine Diana's baby brother vanished while working for an elderly woman at (of course) an enormous country house. The country house has since been sold to an enthusiastic pair of professors and history nerds who are very keen on remodeling and fixing up the gardens, so Diana -- for the record, an adult, high-powered lawyer -- turns up to investigate! in disguise! AS THEIR LANDSCAPE ARCHITECT!
Almost as soon as she begins the plan, Diana finds herself in MORAL AGONIES about it. Emily and Charles are so nice! They really BELIEVE she's going to turn in a solid diagram about where they can place the ha-ha!!
She would never be able to see a rose, much less one of the lovely old varieties, without being reminded of her perfidy toward people who had trusted her.
In between paroxysms of guilt about her landscaping perfidy, Diana rounds out her circle of acquaintances with some possible suspects/routes in the Gothic novel dating simulator, including
WALT - the sullen hot one, a contractor with a chip on his shoulder about being smart but under-educated, who is in on Diana's secret and Disapproves Of Her Taking In Those Nice People
ANTHONY - the funny weird one, Emily's wildly talkative son who can't hold down a job and collects useless old cars, giant dogs, and cacti
MARY JO - the ambitious nineteen-year-old cleaning lady with an even bigger chip on her shoulder than Walt, who is putting herself through college by holding down three jobs while resolutely ignoring her abusive ex-husband's occasional fits of murderous rage
Diana's judgmental asshole father, in town for a judgy visit, sums up the inevitable Romantic Choice: "On the whole, I think I'd prefer the strong silent sullen gentleman with the muscles to the loquacious youth with the garish taste in haberdashery."
That said, Diana actually spends much more time in the book making giant shiny eyes at Mary Jo than either of them, AS IS RIGHT AND JUST.
Mary Jo gave Diana's hand a brief squeeze before withdrawing hers; Diana felt as if she had won a prize.
After a few days of desperately trying to fake her way through landscape architecting, Emily and Charles take off on an antiques-buying trip and leave Diana house-sitting. Diana and Anthony start having visitations from what might be a ghost, while Mary Jo's asshole ex turns up with a gun and starts taking potshots at anyone who might be around, including all of Anthony's giant dogs. As a result, Walt, Anthony, and Mary Jo all move into the house with Diana!
The rest of the book goes pretty much as follows;
ANTHONY: I'm gonna tear this house apart trying to figure out what's going on with the ghost!
WALT: I really, really would like to solve the problem of the abusive ex with the gun!
DIANA: I still have to figure out what happened to my brother! Did the ghost get him? Did the abusive ex with the gun get him? DID ONE OF MY LOVE INTERESTS GET HIM?
MARY JO: You guys do what you need to do with the Gothic plot and all, I have an actual exam tomorrow and will be in the library with a math textbook.
In the end, ( I was genuinely surprised by the resolution! )
