(no subject)

[skygiants]

I was on vacation this weekend, so, as is traditional, I kicked off with a Barbara Michaels Gothic, Vanish With the Rose.

The premise of this one is that our heroine Diana's baby brother vanished while working for an elderly woman at (of course) an enormous country house. The country house has since been sold to an enthusiastic pair of professors and history nerds who are very keen on remodeling and fixing up the gardens, so Diana -- for the record, an adult, high-powered lawyer -- turns up to investigate! in disguise! AS THEIR LANDSCAPE ARCHITECT!

Almost as soon as she begins the plan, Diana finds herself in MORAL AGONIES about it. Emily and Charles are so nice! They really BELIEVE she's going to turn in a solid diagram about where they can place the ha-ha!!

She would never be able to see a rose, much less one of the lovely old varieties, without being reminded of her perfidy toward people who had trusted her.

In between paroxysms of guilt about her landscaping perfidy, Diana rounds out her circle of acquaintances with some possible suspects/routes in the Gothic novel dating simulator, including

WALT - the sullen hot one, a contractor with a chip on his shoulder about being smart but under-educated, who is in on Diana's secret and Disapproves Of Her Taking In Those Nice People
ANTHONY - the funny weird one, Emily's wildly talkative son who can't hold down a job and collects useless old cars, giant dogs, and cacti
MARY JO - the ambitious nineteen-year-old cleaning lady with an even bigger chip on her shoulder than Walt, who is putting herself through college by holding down three jobs while resolutely ignoring her abusive ex-husband's occasional fits of murderous rage

Diana's judgmental asshole father, in town for a judgy visit, sums up the inevitable Romantic Choice: "On the whole, I think I'd prefer the strong silent sullen gentleman with the muscles to the loquacious youth with the garish taste in haberdashery."

That said, Diana actually spends much more time in the book making giant shiny eyes at Mary Jo than either of them, AS IS RIGHT AND JUST.

Mary Jo gave Diana's hand a brief squeeze before withdrawing hers; Diana felt as if she had won a prize.

After a few days of desperately trying to fake her way through landscape architecting, Emily and Charles take off on an antiques-buying trip and leave Diana house-sitting. Diana and Anthony start having visitations from what might be a ghost, while Mary Jo's asshole ex turns up with a gun and starts taking potshots at anyone who might be around, including all of Anthony's giant dogs. As a result, Walt, Anthony, and Mary Jo all move into the house with Diana!

The rest of the book goes pretty much as follows;

ANTHONY: I'm gonna tear this house apart trying to figure out what's going on with the ghost!
WALT: I really, really would like to solve the problem of the abusive ex with the gun!
DIANA: I still have to figure out what happened to my brother! Did the ghost get him? Did the abusive ex with the gun get him? DID ONE OF MY LOVE INTERESTS GET HIM?
MARY JO: You guys do what you need to do with the Gothic plot and all, I have an actual exam tomorrow and will be in the library with a math textbook.

In the end, I was genuinely surprised -- and pleasantly so -- to find out that:

- actually, no love interest was murderous!
- the ghost, the murderous ex, and all possible love interests are just red herrings!
- the actual murderer is DIANA'S JUDGY DAD, who turned up to berate her brother about his poor life choices and then whacked him on the head in a fit of judgy rage!
- Diana hooks up with the funny weird one rather than the hot sullen one!
- the other two don't hook up either!
- Diana's boyfriend is like 'but hey, maybe they'll hook up eventually!' and Diana is like 'uh, I hope not, Mary Jo just got a scholarship and has WAY better things to right now than hook up with anyone!'
- because Diana loves Mary Jo best of all, the end

Comments

[kore]

Diana hooks up with the funny weird one rather than the hot sullen one!

....omg YES

[skygiants]

I WAS PLEASED AND ASTOUNDED. Michaels never even bothers to go off into paeans about his eyes and muscles etc.! The best he gets is 'today, slightly better-dressed and less weird-looking.'

[kore]

Man, I almost want to get it for that alone. /sick and tired of endless sulky!love interests even tho I also have a Bad Boy Thing

[skygiants]

Right? For a Gothic novel especially, where the rule is that the sulky one ALWAYS has a heart of gold and is your true love, it makes a really nice change.

[misbegotten]

I may have to read it just because you said "landscaping perfidy." And because Diana loves Mary Jo best of all. But yeah, landscaping perfidy FTW.

[skygiants]

I kept cracking up at inappropriate times because she was just SO DISTRESSED. Like, yes, OK, impersonating a landscape architect without proper credentials is certainly a very inconsiderate thing to do and I respect Diana's qualms about it, but given the WIDE RANGE of perfidious behavior available in the genre I think she is probably not history's GREATEST monster.

[cahn]

So what happened when she had to reveal her PERFIDY to the professors? And did they ever get their proper landscaping done? :)

[skygiants]

By the time the professors come back at the end and have had explained to them the ghost, the asshole ex with the gun, AND the mysterious pre-canon murder, they are very willing to forgive Diana her PERFIDY (if a little disappointed that nobody let them get involved with all the action.)

I believe by the time Diana returns in an epilogue the landscaping has been taken care of, but by whom, nobody knows. Maybe the ghost!

[sovay]

I believe by the time Diana returns in an epilogue the landscaping has been taken care of, but by whom, nobody knows. Maybe the ghost!

I really enjoy the idea of a ghost who knew from the start that Diana was no landscape architect and has finally taken matters into their own albeit ectoplasmic hands: "If you want something done . . ."

[sovay]

- Diana hooks up with the funny weird one rather than the hot sullen one!

That's delightful. Also, hurrah for Mary Jo.

[skygiants]

Mary Jo gets the happiest ending of all: a new bestie, a scholarship, and no more asshole ex!

[sovay]

Mary Jo gets the happiest ending of all: a new bestie, a scholarship, and no more asshole ex!

That really is a miracle of a happy ending for anyone in a Gothic novel.

[littlerhymes]

... wow, that is a legitimately good ending. Also, UNDERCOVER as a LANDSCAPE ARCHITECT - truly a stroke of genius!

[skygiants]

She hastily read like FOUR WHOLE books on landscape architecture before showing up at their doorstep! RESEARCH.

[brownbetty]

I want you to know I read a book last week where I was initially confused, and then I was like, "Wait a second, I know what this is, it's a Gothic!" and then it made a lot more sense and it was all thanks to you.