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Sep. 28th, 2011 04:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsHave I mentioned that muji had a gorgeous wedding? Because she did, and I got to high-five the bride as she walked down the aisle, which may be the most awesome thing I have ever done at a wedding.
Anyway, the reason I am bringing this up - other than that it was amazing - is that everyone else who was at the wedding probably heartily wishes I was not there, because I spent the whole time reading out bits from Another Pan, otherwise known as the Sexy Peter Pan High School AU! And I may live in infamy for it, but man, the hilarity of watching everyone's faces was totally worth it. I REGRET NOTHING.
So here is the cast of Another Pan:
SEXY PETER PAN: Semi-immortal teenaged CRIMINAL MASTER OF DISGUISE and leader of an international gang of thieves known as the Lost Boys! Also an amateur Egyptology expert who is hunting for LEGENDARY EGYPTIAN IMMORTALITY STUFF. Also also, abused in childhood by his EVIL HOOK-HANDED NANNY.
EVIL HOOK-HANDED NANNY: I think she is the series villain? Anyway, she's an evil immortal nanny and lives to abuse children or something and is now reincarnated as a boarding school nurse for sexy high school hijinks.
TINA: Sexy Peter Pan's second-in-command and temporary posh boarding school RA! A tough Latina who is madly in love with Peter and collects one tooth from every Lost Boy who joins his gang! Every so often she would get a brief moment that involved more characterization and I would get really excited and then we'd go back to focusing on Peter and his nanny issues again.
SIMON GRIN: Sub-villain! He's an evil, nerdy British Museum employee who plans for a lavish lifestyle of wealth and fortune based on his mad MUSEUM CURATION skills! Given this fact, I don't think the authors really needed to add in all the bizarre Star Trek-esque fantasy sequences to establish that our Simon is dangerously out of touch with reality.
WENDY DARLING: She's nice! She's responsible! She's confident in herself! She's actually pretty cool so it is really a shame so much of her storyline involves being torn between her nice, responsible boyfriend - whom she's just dating so her lonely little brother John can have friends - and sexy Peter Pan!
JOHN DARLING: He's a nerd desperate to reinvent himself by pretending REALLY HARD to be cool. Sometimes this involves coming up to the cool kids and asserting that he is their bro. Sometimes this involves posting things on Facebook like John Darling had a great time last night . . . but don't ask for details, because she knows who she is and that's all I'm going to say about that. Or, on other occasions, everyone sucks SO MUCH!!! I think it is safe to say that about 95% of the things that John did made me bury my face in my hands and go "no, NOOOOO!"
PROFESSOR DARLING: He's an Egyptologist with unfairly discounted theories about how the Egyptian god of death was secretly a GODDESS and there are five mummies in a hidden dungeon whose dust will give IMMORTALITY and there are these five LEGENDS about a lineage CURSED WITH UNDEAD IMMORTALITY and it can all be scientifically proven, no, really, don't go away! I can't imagine why nobody takes him seriously. (He spends his entire class teaching the legends, too, so we get to hear all of them! One of them involves a Jewish slave who builds a totally awesome pyramid all by himself. Another one involves Bedouins. It was at about this point that poor local-Egyptian-stuff-semi-expertgenarti shrieked "THERE WERE NO BEDOUINS IN EGYPT!" and fell over crying.)
My favorite thing about the whole book is how it really does earnestly try to convince you that SCIENCE says these mummies really exist! There is a whole sequence when Evil Professor Simon is musing on the unique vertical striations and bone curvature that a walking mummy would create. When he finds a bone that exhibits these attributes, it proves that EVERYTHING IS TRUE!
rushthatspeaks threw herself on this bullet first and points out some things about this book that are legitimately worthwhile: namely, that Sexy Peter Pan is actually legitimately and intended to be creepy, that it subverts some paranormal romance tropes, and it actually has an interestingly ambiguous ending. All of this is true, and you should read her review for another opinion! I am glad she was able to do something with this book besides point and laugh, but alas, my suspension of disbelief ran away somewhere around the time Evil Simon started twirling his evil curatorial moustache and never really came back.
IN OTHER NEWS: I am writing this from a bus on my way to spend Rosh Hashanah with my family, so hey, l'shana tovah, everyone!
muji had a gorgeous wedding? Because she did, and I got to high-five the bride as she walked down the aisle, which may be the most awesome thing I have ever done at a wedding.Anyway, the reason I am bringing this up - other than that it was amazing - is that everyone else who was at the wedding probably heartily wishes I was not there, because I spent the whole time reading out bits from Another Pan, otherwise known as the Sexy Peter Pan High School AU! And I may live in infamy for it, but man, the hilarity of watching everyone's faces was totally worth it. I REGRET NOTHING.
So here is the cast of Another Pan:
SEXY PETER PAN: Semi-immortal teenaged CRIMINAL MASTER OF DISGUISE and leader of an international gang of thieves known as the Lost Boys! Also an amateur Egyptology expert who is hunting for LEGENDARY EGYPTIAN IMMORTALITY STUFF. Also also, abused in childhood by his EVIL HOOK-HANDED NANNY.
EVIL HOOK-HANDED NANNY: I think she is the series villain? Anyway, she's an evil immortal nanny and lives to abuse children or something and is now reincarnated as a boarding school nurse for sexy high school hijinks.
TINA: Sexy Peter Pan's second-in-command and temporary posh boarding school RA! A tough Latina who is madly in love with Peter and collects one tooth from every Lost Boy who joins his gang! Every so often she would get a brief moment that involved more characterization and I would get really excited and then we'd go back to focusing on Peter and his nanny issues again.
SIMON GRIN: Sub-villain! He's an evil, nerdy British Museum employee who plans for a lavish lifestyle of wealth and fortune based on his mad MUSEUM CURATION skills! Given this fact, I don't think the authors really needed to add in all the bizarre Star Trek-esque fantasy sequences to establish that our Simon is dangerously out of touch with reality.
WENDY DARLING: She's nice! She's responsible! She's confident in herself! She's actually pretty cool so it is really a shame so much of her storyline involves being torn between her nice, responsible boyfriend - whom she's just dating so her lonely little brother John can have friends - and sexy Peter Pan!
JOHN DARLING: He's a nerd desperate to reinvent himself by pretending REALLY HARD to be cool. Sometimes this involves coming up to the cool kids and asserting that he is their bro. Sometimes this involves posting things on Facebook like John Darling had a great time last night . . . but don't ask for details, because she knows who she is and that's all I'm going to say about that. Or, on other occasions, everyone sucks SO MUCH!!! I think it is safe to say that about 95% of the things that John did made me bury my face in my hands and go "no, NOOOOO!"
PROFESSOR DARLING: He's an Egyptologist with unfairly discounted theories about how the Egyptian god of death was secretly a GODDESS and there are five mummies in a hidden dungeon whose dust will give IMMORTALITY and there are these five LEGENDS about a lineage CURSED WITH UNDEAD IMMORTALITY and it can all be scientifically proven, no, really, don't go away! I can't imagine why nobody takes him seriously. (He spends his entire class teaching the legends, too, so we get to hear all of them! One of them involves a Jewish slave who builds a totally awesome pyramid all by himself. Another one involves Bedouins. It was at about this point that poor local-Egyptian-stuff-semi-expert
genarti shrieked "THERE WERE NO BEDOUINS IN EGYPT!" and fell over crying.) My favorite thing about the whole book is how it really does earnestly try to convince you that SCIENCE says these mummies really exist! There is a whole sequence when Evil Professor Simon is musing on the unique vertical striations and bone curvature that a walking mummy would create. When he finds a bone that exhibits these attributes, it proves that EVERYTHING IS TRUE!
rushthatspeaks threw herself on this bullet first and points out some things about this book that are legitimately worthwhile: namely, that Sexy Peter Pan is actually legitimately and intended to be creepy, that it subverts some paranormal romance tropes, and it actually has an interestingly ambiguous ending. All of this is true, and you should read her review for another opinion! I am glad she was able to do something with this book besides point and laugh, but alas, my suspension of disbelief ran away somewhere around the time Evil Simon started twirling his evil curatorial moustache and never really came back.IN OTHER NEWS: I am writing this from a bus on my way to spend Rosh Hashanah with my family, so hey, l'shana tovah, everyone!
