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Mar. 29th, 2012 11:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsThe first time I met aquamirage --
-- well, okay, the first time I metaquamirage, it was for about five minutes when I was passing through Reading Terminal Market and I heard an unfamiliar voice shout "BECCA!" and I turned and said "????" and she said "It's Meredith! From the internet!" and I said "!!!!" because a.) it was Meredith from the internet and that was super exciting! and b.) I still don't know how she recognized me. Meredith is magic, that's all. (This is not actually relevant, I just enjoy telling that story.)
Anyway, the second time I met Meredith, she started telling me about this book that she'd read for her women in Victorian Fiction class.
MEREDITH: It's a Gothic novel about a plucky heroine who goes around rescuing ladies and spends some time cross-dressing as a Newsie!
BECCA: . . .
MEREDITH: So I'm lending it to you because I'm pretty sure it has your name written in it.
BECCA: YES. YES IT DOES. >:D >:D >:D >:D
Which is how I acquired The Hidden Hand, or, Capitola the Madcap. And I am now going to share it with you because I am generous that way!
Our story begins when rich jerkface Old Hurricane, having learned about long-lost secret heiress Capitola's existence via a conveniently dying nursemaid, takes a trip all the way up to NEW YORK to try and find her so he can thwart his enemy Gabriel Le Noir, henceforward referred to as Gabriel McEvilface.
CAPITOLA: Hello, sir! I am just a plucky newsboy here to make sarcastic commentary at you!
CAPITOLA'S HAT: *blows off, exposing girly hair*
CAPITOLA: . . . whoops.
THE LAW: Capitolaaaaa! Wait till we get you back to the Refuuuuuuuge!
OLD HURRICANE: NO NOT THE REFUGE! Officer, this girl is now my ward and I'm taking her back with me.
CAPITOLA: Oh, cool! Am I your illegitimate daughter?
OLD HURRICANE: Totally not! You can call me . . . uncle.
HERBERT GREYSON, HOT SAILOR: Oh hey, Cap, buddy! I see you've been adopted by a rich uncle. That's cool! Welp, off to sea again.
OLD HURRICANE: Oh, my goodness! My long-lost nephew! Herbert Greyson, you, too, can call me uncle.
CAPITOLA: . . . seriously? Man, if Herbert and I are secretly siblings, I am going to be SO MAD. I have plans for that guy.
OLD HURRICANE: I AM NOT YOUR DAD. I AM NOT HERBERT'S DAD. I AM NOT ANYBODY'S DAD.
CAPITOLA: Well, if you say so.
MARAH ROCKE, OLD HURRICANE'S SECRET LONG-LOST WIFE: You are in fact somebody's dad! But we'll save that reveal for later on in the book.
OLD HURRICANE: Capitola, you should settle down and be a lady!
CAPITOLA: LOL no.
OLD HURRICANE: Capitola, if you don't behave, I will lock you in your room or spank you or --
CAPITOLA: Try it and I will have lawyers on you before you can blink.
OLD HURRICANE: . . .
CAPITOLA: Man, come on, I'm from New York.
HERBERT GREYSON: So hey buddy, turns out I have a long-lost uncle! That guy could in no way be your long-lost dad or anything.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Definitely not, buddy! Anyway, I'm busy having a plot about being virtuous and doctor training and falling in love with this nice heiress Clara Day --
CAPITOLA: Nobody cares, because I'm off CAPTURING BANDITS!
BLACK DONALD, WICKED BANDIT: Technically, you were too tiny to actually tackle me, and I did in fact get away. Still, I'm impressed! I likes a girl with spirit.
CAPITOLA: And I likes a sexy bandit, but I've still got plans for Mr. Herbert Greyson.
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: This Capitola concerns me. I mean, I was supposed to kill her like fifteen years ago, and if it was that hard when she was a baby, it's going to be way more of a challenge now that she's all grown up and newsboy-trained. Black Donald, will you kill her for me?
BLACK DONALD: Sure! But first I'm going to marry her. She's just so plucky! Hey, my bandit brothers, go kidnap Capitola for me, will you?
BANDITS: *hide under Capitola's bed*
CAPITOLA: Huh. There seem to be three bandits under my bed. Strange! I'll just lock them in my room and go get the police, shall I?
BANDITS: . . . this was not how this was supposed to go.
BLACK DONALD: Damn but that girl is plucky. <3__<3
BANDITS: While in prison, and not too happy about this whole turn of events, we, too, must admit that the girl is hella plucky.
CLARA DAY: So my dad died and said this guy named Gabriel McEvilface should be my guardian? I'm sure he'll be super nice!
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: Clara, why don't you come live with me in the haunted house where I keep Capitola's long-lost mother locked in the attic?
CLARA DAY: . . . I think I would rather stay with my boyfriend and his nice mom . . .
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: TOO BAD. To make up for losing your boyfriend, though, I will throw in forced marriage to my son Craven McEvilface as part of the bargain?
CLARA DAY: @___@
OLD HURRICANE: So there's a new girl in the neighborhood, Cap, but you shouldn't go visit her because she lives chez McEvilface and I'm pretty sure Gabriel McEvilface wants to kill you.
CAPITOLA: Bollocks to that! If there is a hot new girl in the neighborhood I'm there.
CLARA DAY: Hello, friendly new girl! I can tell right away you are noble and plucky. Besties?
CAPITOLA: With a hot girl like you? Absolutely! Man, too bad I'm not a dude, because if I was we would be getting married, like, yesterday.
CLARA DAY: Yeah, it is kind of too bad.
COWARD MCEVILFACE: Clara Day! You must marry me TONIGHT!
CAPITOLA: NEVER FEAR, Clara Day! BROOKLYN IS HERE!
CLARA DAY: Oh, thank goodness, Capitola! What do I do about this forced marriage thing?
CAPITOLA: Easy! Just switch clothes with me, and you can ride away, and they'll never know the difference.
CLARA DAY: But how am I supposed to pass as you?
CAPITOLA: Just remember to work the swagger, and you're golden.
CLARA DAY: I do kind of enjoy the swagger . . . but I see a flaw in this plan. What happens when you're at the altar with the McEvilfaces and they figure out you're not me? Aren't you scared?
CAPITOLA: Oh, Clara, honey. Come on. I'm from New York.
CLARA DAY: . . . I guess that's fair enough.
CAPITOLA: Let's see, how does this kind of thing go . . . Um, boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo, I am poor Clara Day and I don't want to get married? Boo hoo boo hoo! LOL.
THE MCEVILFACES: Too bad, Clara Day, becase you will --- waaaaait a minute . . .
CAPITOLA: TROLLED! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey Cap, buddy, I was just passing through and I saw this guy trying to forcibly marry you or something. Want me to do anything about it?
CAPITOLA: Can you just hold him in place while I mock him for a while?
HERBERT GREYSON: On it!
TRAVIS ROCKE: So now I dumped my career as a doctor and joined the army due to severe reasons of being an idiot.
HERBERT GREYSON: There's like three chapters of plot here about Travis' accidental court-martial and how I had to get him out of it with my preturnatural powers of 'dudes, chill!', and --
CAPITOLA: But nobody cares about that because I am off fighting a duel!
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Well, if I can't marry one secret heiress, guess I'll try the other. Capitola! ACTUALLY I did all these terrible things only because . . . I am in love with you!
CAPITOLA: Well, that's nice and all, but I still have plans for Mr. Herbert Greyson.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Seriously? I mean, Capitola, I've been reading this whole book, and he hasn't ever tried to tell you what to do or protect you in a manly fashion or anything. He doesn't even angst! And this guy is your love interest? I mean, come on.
CAPITOLA: No means no, Craven McEvilface.
COWARD MCEVILFACE: Are you sure you don't want to marry me instead?
CAPITOLA: . . . not only do I now not want to marry you, I also now don't want to talk to you ever again! That's what happens when you don't respect the no, Mr. McEvilface.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Well, I'll have my revenge! I'll just tell everybody that Capitola is a LOOSE WOMAN.
CAPITOLA: The path before me has been prepared, Mr. McEvilface. I have no choice but to challenge you to a duel and then shoot you in the head six times with a pistol.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Oh nooooooo I am dying! I confess everything! I'm sorry to have done this to you, Capitola! You just . . . had so much . . . pluck . . . *faints*
CAPITOLA: I think you may have neglected to notice that your head wounds are actually . . . not fatal . . . because I shot you with a pea-shooter? TROLLED! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: . . . .
CAPITOLA: And that's the way we do it in New York.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Well now I am out of my difficulties and have gone off to make my fortune working in an insane asylum.
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: Sir! Sir! I have been trapped here for years, a victim of the McEvilfaces! But everyone just thinks I'm conveniently Victorian crazy!
TRAVIS ROCKE: I don't think you're Victorian crazy!
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: Out of curiosity, why not?
TRAVIS ROCKE: Because you don't look crazy, obviously.
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: . . . if you say so, I guess.
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey Travis buddy, remember when we used to share a bed? Good times. Good times.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Indeed, good times. I'm glad we get to share one more hotel bed before we go back home and marry our respective love interests!
BECCA: . . . . well okay then.
BLACK DONALD: Hey hey baby, Capitola baby, I sense the plot threads are about to get wrapped up, so how about I ravish you now?
CAPITOLA: Black Donald, I like you, but if you don't respect the no . . .
BLACK DONALD: Dude, I am a villainous outlaw. I never respect the no!
CAPITOLA: . . . then I am going to have to send you hurtling down this trapdoor to break all your bones! Sorry, man.
BLACK DONALD: That girl . . . just has . . . so much pluck . . .
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey, Capitola, you want to get married or what?
CAPITOLA: Sounds good! Is that my long-lost mother you've got with you?
HERBERT GREYSON: Yep! Also my long-lost aunt, and my secret cousin Travis, and also his long-lost girlfriend, who I understand is also your girlfriend?
CAPITOLA: Yep! Double wedding? :D
BECCA: . . . Sedoretu? :D?
CAPITOLA: No, just melodrama, but that can be your headcanon if you want I guess!
BECCA: I want!
aquamirage ---- well, okay, the first time I met
aquamirage, it was for about five minutes when I was passing through Reading Terminal Market and I heard an unfamiliar voice shout "BECCA!" and I turned and said "????" and she said "It's Meredith! From the internet!" and I said "!!!!" because a.) it was Meredith from the internet and that was super exciting! and b.) I still don't know how she recognized me. Meredith is magic, that's all. (This is not actually relevant, I just enjoy telling that story.)Anyway, the second time I met Meredith, she started telling me about this book that she'd read for her women in Victorian Fiction class.
MEREDITH: It's a Gothic novel about a plucky heroine who goes around rescuing ladies and spends some time cross-dressing as a Newsie!
BECCA: . . .
MEREDITH: So I'm lending it to you because I'm pretty sure it has your name written in it.
BECCA: YES. YES IT DOES. >:D >:D >:D >:D
Which is how I acquired The Hidden Hand, or, Capitola the Madcap. And I am now going to share it with you because I am generous that way!
Our story begins when rich jerkface Old Hurricane, having learned about long-lost secret heiress Capitola's existence via a conveniently dying nursemaid, takes a trip all the way up to NEW YORK to try and find her so he can thwart his enemy Gabriel Le Noir, henceforward referred to as Gabriel McEvilface.
CAPITOLA: Hello, sir! I am just a plucky newsboy here to make sarcastic commentary at you!
CAPITOLA'S HAT: *blows off, exposing girly hair*
CAPITOLA: . . . whoops.
THE LAW: Capitolaaaaa! Wait till we get you back to the Refuuuuuuuge!
OLD HURRICANE: NO NOT THE REFUGE! Officer, this girl is now my ward and I'm taking her back with me.
CAPITOLA: Oh, cool! Am I your illegitimate daughter?
OLD HURRICANE: Totally not! You can call me . . . uncle.
HERBERT GREYSON, HOT SAILOR: Oh hey, Cap, buddy! I see you've been adopted by a rich uncle. That's cool! Welp, off to sea again.
OLD HURRICANE: Oh, my goodness! My long-lost nephew! Herbert Greyson, you, too, can call me uncle.
CAPITOLA: . . . seriously? Man, if Herbert and I are secretly siblings, I am going to be SO MAD. I have plans for that guy.
OLD HURRICANE: I AM NOT YOUR DAD. I AM NOT HERBERT'S DAD. I AM NOT ANYBODY'S DAD.
CAPITOLA: Well, if you say so.
MARAH ROCKE, OLD HURRICANE'S SECRET LONG-LOST WIFE: You are in fact somebody's dad! But we'll save that reveal for later on in the book.
OLD HURRICANE: Capitola, you should settle down and be a lady!
CAPITOLA: LOL no.
OLD HURRICANE: Capitola, if you don't behave, I will lock you in your room or spank you or --
CAPITOLA: Try it and I will have lawyers on you before you can blink.
OLD HURRICANE: . . .
CAPITOLA: Man, come on, I'm from New York.
HERBERT GREYSON: So hey buddy, turns out I have a long-lost uncle! That guy could in no way be your long-lost dad or anything.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Definitely not, buddy! Anyway, I'm busy having a plot about being virtuous and doctor training and falling in love with this nice heiress Clara Day --
CAPITOLA: Nobody cares, because I'm off CAPTURING BANDITS!
BLACK DONALD, WICKED BANDIT: Technically, you were too tiny to actually tackle me, and I did in fact get away. Still, I'm impressed! I likes a girl with spirit.
CAPITOLA: And I likes a sexy bandit, but I've still got plans for Mr. Herbert Greyson.
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: This Capitola concerns me. I mean, I was supposed to kill her like fifteen years ago, and if it was that hard when she was a baby, it's going to be way more of a challenge now that she's all grown up and newsboy-trained. Black Donald, will you kill her for me?
BLACK DONALD: Sure! But first I'm going to marry her. She's just so plucky! Hey, my bandit brothers, go kidnap Capitola for me, will you?
BANDITS: *hide under Capitola's bed*
CAPITOLA: Huh. There seem to be three bandits under my bed. Strange! I'll just lock them in my room and go get the police, shall I?
BANDITS: . . . this was not how this was supposed to go.
BLACK DONALD: Damn but that girl is plucky. <3__<3
BANDITS: While in prison, and not too happy about this whole turn of events, we, too, must admit that the girl is hella plucky.
CLARA DAY: So my dad died and said this guy named Gabriel McEvilface should be my guardian? I'm sure he'll be super nice!
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: Clara, why don't you come live with me in the haunted house where I keep Capitola's long-lost mother locked in the attic?
CLARA DAY: . . . I think I would rather stay with my boyfriend and his nice mom . . .
GABRIEL MCEVILFACE: TOO BAD. To make up for losing your boyfriend, though, I will throw in forced marriage to my son Craven McEvilface as part of the bargain?
CLARA DAY: @___@
OLD HURRICANE: So there's a new girl in the neighborhood, Cap, but you shouldn't go visit her because she lives chez McEvilface and I'm pretty sure Gabriel McEvilface wants to kill you.
CAPITOLA: Bollocks to that! If there is a hot new girl in the neighborhood I'm there.
CLARA DAY: Hello, friendly new girl! I can tell right away you are noble and plucky. Besties?
CAPITOLA: With a hot girl like you? Absolutely! Man, too bad I'm not a dude, because if I was we would be getting married, like, yesterday.
CLARA DAY: Yeah, it is kind of too bad.
COWARD MCEVILFACE: Clara Day! You must marry me TONIGHT!
CAPITOLA: NEVER FEAR, Clara Day! BROOKLYN IS HERE!
CLARA DAY: Oh, thank goodness, Capitola! What do I do about this forced marriage thing?
CAPITOLA: Easy! Just switch clothes with me, and you can ride away, and they'll never know the difference.
CLARA DAY: But how am I supposed to pass as you?
CAPITOLA: Just remember to work the swagger, and you're golden.
CLARA DAY: I do kind of enjoy the swagger . . . but I see a flaw in this plan. What happens when you're at the altar with the McEvilfaces and they figure out you're not me? Aren't you scared?
CAPITOLA: Oh, Clara, honey. Come on. I'm from New York.
CLARA DAY: . . . I guess that's fair enough.
CAPITOLA: Let's see, how does this kind of thing go . . . Um, boo hoo boo hoo boo hoo, I am poor Clara Day and I don't want to get married? Boo hoo boo hoo! LOL.
THE MCEVILFACES: Too bad, Clara Day, becase you will --- waaaaait a minute . . .
CAPITOLA: TROLLED! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey Cap, buddy, I was just passing through and I saw this guy trying to forcibly marry you or something. Want me to do anything about it?
CAPITOLA: Can you just hold him in place while I mock him for a while?
HERBERT GREYSON: On it!
TRAVIS ROCKE: So now I dumped my career as a doctor and joined the army due to severe reasons of being an idiot.
HERBERT GREYSON: There's like three chapters of plot here about Travis' accidental court-martial and how I had to get him out of it with my preturnatural powers of 'dudes, chill!', and --
CAPITOLA: But nobody cares about that because I am off fighting a duel!
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Well, if I can't marry one secret heiress, guess I'll try the other. Capitola! ACTUALLY I did all these terrible things only because . . . I am in love with you!
CAPITOLA: Well, that's nice and all, but I still have plans for Mr. Herbert Greyson.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Seriously? I mean, Capitola, I've been reading this whole book, and he hasn't ever tried to tell you what to do or protect you in a manly fashion or anything. He doesn't even angst! And this guy is your love interest? I mean, come on.
CAPITOLA: No means no, Craven McEvilface.
COWARD MCEVILFACE: Are you sure you don't want to marry me instead?
CAPITOLA: . . . not only do I now not want to marry you, I also now don't want to talk to you ever again! That's what happens when you don't respect the no, Mr. McEvilface.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Well, I'll have my revenge! I'll just tell everybody that Capitola is a LOOSE WOMAN.
CAPITOLA: The path before me has been prepared, Mr. McEvilface. I have no choice but to challenge you to a duel and then shoot you in the head six times with a pistol.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: Oh nooooooo I am dying! I confess everything! I'm sorry to have done this to you, Capitola! You just . . . had so much . . . pluck . . . *faints*
CAPITOLA: I think you may have neglected to notice that your head wounds are actually . . . not fatal . . . because I shot you with a pea-shooter? TROLLED! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
CRAVEN MCEVILFACE: . . . .
CAPITOLA: And that's the way we do it in New York.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Well now I am out of my difficulties and have gone off to make my fortune working in an insane asylum.
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: Sir! Sir! I have been trapped here for years, a victim of the McEvilfaces! But everyone just thinks I'm conveniently Victorian crazy!
TRAVIS ROCKE: I don't think you're Victorian crazy!
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: Out of curiosity, why not?
TRAVIS ROCKE: Because you don't look crazy, obviously.
CAPITOLA'S LONG-LOST MOTHER: . . . if you say so, I guess.
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey Travis buddy, remember when we used to share a bed? Good times. Good times.
TRAVIS ROCKE: Indeed, good times. I'm glad we get to share one more hotel bed before we go back home and marry our respective love interests!
BECCA: . . . . well okay then.
BLACK DONALD: Hey hey baby, Capitola baby, I sense the plot threads are about to get wrapped up, so how about I ravish you now?
CAPITOLA: Black Donald, I like you, but if you don't respect the no . . .
BLACK DONALD: Dude, I am a villainous outlaw. I never respect the no!
CAPITOLA: . . . then I am going to have to send you hurtling down this trapdoor to break all your bones! Sorry, man.
BLACK DONALD: That girl . . . just has . . . so much pluck . . .
HERBERT GREYSON: Hey, Capitola, you want to get married or what?
CAPITOLA: Sounds good! Is that my long-lost mother you've got with you?
HERBERT GREYSON: Yep! Also my long-lost aunt, and my secret cousin Travis, and also his long-lost girlfriend, who I understand is also your girlfriend?
CAPITOLA: Yep! Double wedding? :D
BECCA: . . . Sedoretu? :D?
CAPITOLA: No, just melodrama, but that can be your headcanon if you want I guess!
BECCA: I want!
