(no subject)

[skygiants]

Last time genarti was in New York, she left me her vintage copy of Frances Hodgson Burnett's The Lost Prince. "It's fun!" she said. "And it's very pretty! If sort of bizarre in parts."

Well, SHE WAS NOT WRONG. If by 'sort of' you put 'completely and utterly'. Basically, I think it is a wonderful horror novel, and I would like to state right now that Stefan Loristan, the father of the hero of the book, is way up there among the most terrifying characters ever created in fiction of all time.

"Becca," you say, "Frances Hodgson Burnett did not write horror novels. Frances Hodgson Burnett wrote heartwarming stories about children fulfilling their dreams!" And maybe that is mostly true. But NOT IN THIS CASE.

So we start out with our protagonists, who are a.) Marco Loristan, who is Upright, Noble, Strong, Virtuous, Vaguely Buddhist, and causes complete strangers to go "what a nice-looking boy!" when he walks by; b.) the Rat, who is crippled, cranky, violent, commands the street urchin armies, and throws a brick at Marco the first time he sees him. Of course I immediately fell in love with the Rat and was rooting for him to throw many more bricks all over the course of the novel! However, within about four chapters, this happens:

Stefan Loristan: How would you like to come sleep on our sofa, The Rat?
The Rat: . . . . . I LOVE AND WORSHIP YOU AND WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU EVER YOU'RE THE MOST HANDSOME WONDERFUL MAN IN THE WORLD I WOULD DIE FOR YOU DO YOU KNOW THAT?
Stefan Loristan: Yup, pretty much.
The Rat: CAN I SHINE YOUR SHOES AND DO ALL YOUR CHORES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?
Stefan Loristan's Valet: NO. Shining the shoes of the handsomest most wonderful person in the world is MY JOB.
The Rat: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Stefan Loristan's Valet: Okay. Well. Maybe once a week, you can shine his shoes. IF YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.
The Rat: Dude, if I were you, I would not share the shoe-shining duties with ANYONE, I would hoard all the shoe-shining to myself!

Then Stefan Loristan cheerfully sends his 12-year-old son Marco off with the 13-year-old Rat - on his crutches - as a bodyguard. On a dangerous mission to Bring Back the Samavian Monarchy. All around the world. With no money and no adults. And after impressing on them both the value of dying for their country, and after the Rat promises happily to die for Marco if necessary. Because Stefan Loristan is after all the kindest noblest handsomest most responsible man in the world!

The only conclusion is that Stefan Loristan possesses terrifying powers of brainwashing and is going to use them to conquer the world. At the end of the book he has only really conquered a country, but I AM SURE THIS IS JUST THE START.

(There are probably lots of other interesting things to say about the book - about the pseudo-Buddhism - pseuddhism? - and the divine right of kings and the urchins happily signing up to die for the far-off land of Samavia and the evil foreign lady spy and so on - but really I have nothing to say about these, they are all drowned out in a wave of STEFAN LORISTAN SO SCARY.)

So, in my head, what happens after the end of the book is that the Rat uses his cynicism and crankiness to finally break free of the brainwashing, and, though he and Marco are naturally crushed by the fall of their idol, they learn a valuable lesson about outward appearances and use their street urchin army to defeat Stefan's plan to tyrannize the world and set up a wonderful democracy!

And with that postcanon firmly in mind, this is an awesome book.

Comments

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

I just suggested to my sister, and she agreed that I was right, the following theory:

You know what really happened? Germany, Russia and Austria-Hungary were all getting annoyed about the civil war in Samavia. They were afraid the unrest would extend over the Samavian borders or something. So they resurrected an old rumor about a lost dynasty, they got rid of the two warring factions, and they put a Samavian expatriate they thought they could control on the throne. But that wasn't a romantic enough rumor, so they had to cover it up and they started passing a ridiculous story about how two twelve-year-old boys, a noble Samavian hero and his best friend, brought on the revolution all by themselves.

Because honestly, what kind of sensible, likely-to-succeed revolution would send the twelve-year-old only son of the [SPOILER] out, with only one twelve-year-old (disabled!) bodyguard, to carry a ridiculous password all the way over Europe? I mean, "The Lamp is lighted." How obvious is that? It's like "swordfish". It says, "Hi, I am planning a revolution." It says, "Why don't my political rivals execute me now, before the war is over?"

Couldn't Loristan et alia just send messages by telegraph in some less-obvious code, like, say, "Buy rice futures on Thursday"? Thereby not endangering the only son of the [SPOILER] and destroying the entire revolution plan? No, this story can't possibly be real. It must be propaganda for something else.

[skygiants]

That is an extremely plausible theory! Because it must not be denied that the plot of the book makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER, super-obvious code not among the least of the problems.

However, I still like my theory that Loristan is an evil mastermind who was obviously hoping to dispose of his son - dangerously pure-hearted and his charismatic - and his son's BFF, who happens to be an even more dangerous strategic genius, in one fell swoop.

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

Your theory has textual evidence! But what's Stefan supposed to do post-canon if his son dies? Maybe he's just testing the boy to see if he's strong enough?

[skygiants]

Ehh, what does he care? He'll be dead by then! Evil masterminds don't care about making the future secure for other people. And it's nicely parallel to the Legend, too. :O

[areyoumymemmy.livejournal.com]

Confession: I sort of loved this book as a kid.

However! We should keep in mind that I was totally the sort of kid who would have been like "You want me to start a revolution by going through some sort of long and probably pointless journey using seemingly sneaky but not really code with interludes where sleeping outdoors is all inspiring and comfortable instead of itchy and cold? With a strange best friend/bodyguard? And the possibility of highly romanticized danger and/or death? I'm ON IT, Dad!"

[kattahj.livejournal.com]

That sounds like very supreme crack. *Immediately goes to find book at Project Gutenberg.*

[skygiants]

Oh dude, I would have been ALL ABOUT that kind of wacky adventure as a kid.

- okay, to be honest, I would be all about that kind of wacky adventure now. (Hey Emmy, want to go on a long and probably pointless journey with me to deliver seemingly sneaky but not really cold? Because I SO WOULD!) I just also have the adult-brain that is shrieking, "not the twelve-year-olds! IRRESPONSIBLE PARENTING!"

[skygiants]

Oh, it SO IS. I enjoyed it immensely; it is sheer ridiculous! And I may be sort of planning to request postcanon fic for Yuletide next year, if nothing else pops up that is more pressing. NOT THAT I'M PLANNING A YEAR AHEAD LIKE A CRAZY PERSON OR ANYTHING.

[kattahj.livejournal.com]

Dude, I was planning a year ahead a couple of weeks after I'd signed up, when I finished the Shamer's Chronicles and realized there's next to no fanfic. *g*

[skygiants]

There are just so many awesome fics out there that need to be written! (Oh, Yuletide, it is sad how much you own my soul.)

[kattahj.livejournal.com]

Yuletide can have my firstborn. And then fic of my firstborn.

[areyoumymemmy.livejournal.com]

(me too! let's do it! What sort of implausible goal are we attempting to accomplish? oooh, let's restore a monarchy that never existed, like... the Beckemistan Empire! In a shocking twist, at the end of our journey, we will be revealed as Beckemistan's rightful rulers!)

Also, this is proof of why I should never have children. I was all like enh, they're twelve, they have to learn sometime. Learn WHAT? How to die with your best friend? Seriously, no kids for me.

[ceitfianna]

I read that book years ago and you've really captured it so well. I always loved the Rat.

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

...That just demands the story about how Princess Aria Moonshine and Prince Adrian Sunbeam Goodfellow-Kane, aged twelve, spend summer vacation reclaiming their rightful kingdom and filling the capital city with high-class brothels.

[skygiants]

(Oh awesome! I APPROVE. We can defeat a few bad guys along the way with our cunning and innocent appreciation of the outdoors. And everyone will obviously be in awe of our pure goodness and bravery, and will conveniently constantly do things for us without having to be asked! Our shoes will never go unshined.)

I had all those years where my disposable income rested on making sure other people's children stayed alive to train me in freaking out over children in danger! - although actually, now that I think about it, I am totally cool with children in danger, as long as it's not their parents cheerfully sending them into danger. They sneak off and get into danger on their own? Awesome, more power to them! Die nobly, baby adventurers!

[skygiants]

*sage* Twenty years from now will be the first generation of children born into indentured Yuletide servitude.

Which will be awesome, because: they will have to write more fic!

[skygiants]

Me too! He's like the more badass version of Colin Craven. (Not that I don't love Colin Craven too, bless his hypochondriac little heart.) I totally want him to grow up and join the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or something.

[ceitfianna]

Hee yes, that would be fun. A great conversation would be Jamie, the Rat and Chrestomanci all talking about getting out of trouble and foolish people they've known.

[skygiants]

HA! Yes, it would be - though I feel both Jamie and the Rat would mock Chrestomanci for his dressing gown.

(Now you should write it!)

[ceitfianna]

The mocking would be fun but I was thinking more of Chrestomanci at about the same age, like in Conrad's Fate.

They kind of end up in a random world together and all have their different plans to Fix things.

[skygiants]

I APPROVE SO MUCH.

And poor Conrad just kind of along for the ride and constantly facepalming?

[ceitfianna]

Oh yes and special appearance by Marco and Joris being Heroic as the three boys share looks of yeah they try.

[skygiants]

*cackles* PERFECT.

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, I adored that book when I was a kid.

I must find a copy.

[schiarire.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a book for .. me!

[batyatoon]

Clearly I should read this.

[skygiants]

You should!

Gen's copy is super-pretty, it has illustrations and everything, and it is a good thing I saw her recently or I probably would have 'forgotten' it was hers and not mine. >.>

[skygiants]

READ IT AND THEN TELL ME WHETHER STEFAN LORISTAN IS NOT THE SCARIEST THING YOU WILL EVER ENCOUNTER

he sucks bad temper, free will and scrappitude out of street urchins with just his magical smile, he is like Stepford Enjolras!

[skygiants]

You should! - we were babbling about it at you last weekend, weren't we? I have a vague recollection of you looking bemused as Gen tried to explain the slashiness and I tried to explain THE TERROR

[batyatoon]

You were, yes! I think I actually read the bit with NO YOU CANNOT HAS SHOESHINE PRIVILEGES.

[genarti]

I would have remembered and gone on Quest to regain it from you! *noble pose*

You know. Eventually.




Okay, so I'd have eventually spotted it on your bookshelf and said "Oh, is that where that went!" all oblivious to your scheming wiles. But whatever.

[genarti]

AGREED.

[genarti]

Remind me and I will bring the Pretty Old Book along next time I come to NYC too!

Or, you know. There are libraries.

Whatever.

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

Hee hee hee, I loved The Lost Prince. It is RIDICULOUS. Also Marco and the Rat are in love, I want slash of them pls.

[skygiants]

Oh absolutely! (I finished the book and resisted the temptation to leap forward in Yuletide to hunt for fic; I am still at the end of the Es! Not to the Fs yet!) However first the Rat must get over the fact that he is also in love with Marco's father, as this is bound to lead to relationship problems.

[bravecows.livejournal.com]

I like the idea of overthrowing Marco's dad. He is sort of like Obama really. It doesn't really matter whether he's genuinely that good and noble etc. or not -- even if he was for reals, it would still be scary how charismatic he is.

[skygiants]

And there are no checks and balances in Samavia, either! Sooner or later Loristan's power is sure to be used for evil by someone even if not him, and from there it's a straight shot to tyranny and misery (and agony and woe, etc.)

Also then Marco can have some angsty layers, which is always fun.

[genarti]

I feel you should know that every time I see this post, I cackle to myself.

*cheerful*

[skygiants]

MAYBE THAT WAS MY SECRET PLAN ALL ALONG.

Oh, but it's no fun if you never notice the scheming wiles! :O

[skygiants]

*serene* I live to amuse. And inspire.