(no subject)

[skygiants]

Back in January, I was out in Denver with a bunch of other awesome people and agonistes and silveraspen decided to give out party favors.

SWEENEY AND ASPEN: Okay, who wants the Snuggie?
BECCA: ME! Me, me, pick me!*
SWEENEY AND ASPEN: No, Becca, you can't have the Snuggie.
BECCA: WHAT IS THIS INJUSTICE. >:O
SWEENEY AND ASPEN: We have a present picked out for you already! You get to read this YA romance novel and parodize it on your LJ. :D
BECCA: I am always glad to receive new books, and I am glad that you enjoy my parodies . . . . but I wanted the Snuggie.

* You laugh now, but you know you secretly want one too. I AM JUST NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT.

So that is how I ended up reading Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl's Beautiful Creatures . . . but I have to confess, Sweeney and Aspen, I don't think I will be able to parodize it as much as you wanted me to! I mean, yes, it is super ridiculous in places, but it is also totally endearing in places. Tearing it apart would be like kicking a puppy!

So the book centers around Ethan, a high schooler in a Tiny Unchanging Southern Town who is really good at basketball (agonistes, when she gave me the book: it's the South and they're obsessing over basketball? LOL HOW RIDICULOUS bookelfe: Yes, yes, ha ha, how ridiculous! okay, mental note, basketball is not a thing in the South! GOOD TO KNOW) and hangs out with the cool kids but secretly despises all of them for their stupidity and shallowness. He eats with the popular kids at lunch and attends the obligatory two or three parties a year so they don't force him to hang out with them the rest of the time when he'd rather be rereading To Kill a Mockingbird for the umpteenth time and planning for his big college break! Oh, the hardships of Ethan's life.

Enter: LENA, who is mysterious and beautiful and angsty and wears all black and is the niece of the town local shut-in and shatters windows with her miiiiiiiiiind. Ethan has also been having dreams about her before she shows up. Pretty soon they have a mysterious mental connection and are going on random time-travel trips and also there are sirens and Incubi and snake-armed illusionists and secret libraries underneath the town and magical moon books written in terrible faux-medievalese and epic Dark and Light mythology and I don't even know because there are about five million plot twists going on and half of them make no sense, but Ethan does not even care about any of this. All Ethan cares about is omg does Lena like me? with an occasional dollop of if Lena turns evil, does that mean she'll dump me? D: A typical dramatic scene goes like this:

ETHAN: Lena I am coming to dinner! :D I am so excited you invited me! And, uh, your morally ambiguous cousin has come along too, is that okay?
LENA'S HOUSE: *transforms into a nineteenth-century manor*
LENA'S WACKY MAGICAL RELATIONS: *read minds, have visions, conjure snakes out of thin air*
ETHAN: Huh. Trippy!
LENA'S MORALLY AMBIGUOUS COUSIN: *hangs onto Ethan, makes ominous speeches about good and evil*
LENA: *OUT-OF-CONTROL MAGICAL TEMPER TANTRUM* LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE
WINDOWS: *shatter*
STORMS: *summoned*
VARIOUS PIECES OF FURNITURE: *fly around in a manic fashion*
LENA'S FAMILY: *collectively freak out*
ETHAN: omg she said boyfriend :D :D :D :D :D

I will also note that Lena writes emo poetry. It is exactly as terrible as you would expect. As part of her uncontrolled superpowers, when she is upset, her emo poetry writes itself on her bedroom walls. I literally laughed aloud. (Our POV character Ethan thinks her poetry is awesome, but Ethan also thinks Lena is the prettiest awesomest specialest amazingest girl ever to live, so this is only to be expected.) Basically I spent most of the book just wanting to pat them both on the head; I mock, but I also found it kind of sweet!

However, there are some issues with the portrayal of the South that even a 100% Yankee like me noticed. For one thing: okay, Marian the librarian. Marian was Ethan's mom's best friend and co-author, who keeps the town library and writes major academic work about Southern history. Marian is also apparently the only black person in town, but that is totally not why people don't like her; as Ethan portrays it Gatlin has no racism, only anti-intellectual prejudice. I am fairly dubious about the validity of this. Also, it is kiiind of awkward how every other student in Ethan's school (his best friend excepted; every non-Lena girl MOST EMPHATICALLY included) is stupid, shallow, clique-ish, devoid of dreams and ambition, possessed of an evil herd mentality and worthy to be despised. Way to validate Ethan's liberal white-boy elitism, book!

All that said, though, I did totally enjoy reading the book and I may read the sequel as well. Sweeney, Aspen, JUDGE ME IF YOU MUST.

Comments

[rahkan.livejournal.com]

If Britney and Santana count as shallow, then depth is wayyy overrated.

Also, Snuggies are not comfortable...whenever you move your arms, it opens up blanket crevices and warmth seeps away...they're like big, loose, useless sweaters.

[skygiants]

Britney and Santana are AWESOME. I know this just from what I have gleaned from various commentary! This book's protagonist might not recognize their awesome though. :(

. . . but big, loose sweaters are wonderful!