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Aug. 26th, 2018 11:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsI am furious at myself for not getting around to writing up The Elusive Pimpernel, because I had carefully footnoted on my e-reader all of the moments where Chauvelin suddenly gets extremely gay and NOW MY E-READER IS BROKEN so I have to find them all over again.
Relatedly: this is the book where Chauvelin suddenly gets extremely gay. I don't remember him honestly being that gay in The Scarlet Pimpernel! The Watsonian explanation for this is that Chauvelin did not care THAT personally about the Scarlet Pimpernel until he was personally and humiliatingly defeated by him, which triggered a Sexy Obsession; the Doylian explanation is that most of that book is from Marguerite's POV and she's too distracted to notice Chauvelin giving Percy the eye. But allow me to share with you some representative quotes from The Elusive Pimpernel, which I have painstakingly re-gathered for your enjoyment:
Even now, as [Chauvelin] gazed with grudging admiration at the massive, well-knit figure of his arch-enemy, noted the thin nervy hands and square jaw, the low, broad forehead and deep-set, half-veiled eyes, he knew that in this matter wherein Percy Blakeney was obviously playing with his very life, the only emotion that really swayed him at this moment was his passionate love of adventure.
In a moment Chauvelin was on his feet and with eyes dilated, lips parted in awed bewilderment, he was gazing towards the open window, where astride upon the sill, one leg inside the room, the other out, and with the moon shining full on his suit of delicate-coloured cloth, his wide caped coat and elegant chapeau-bras, sat the imperturbable Sir Percy.
He had seen that self-possessed man of the world, that dainty and fastidious dandy, in the throes of an overmastering passion. He had very nearly paid with his life for the joy of having roused that supercilious and dormant lion. In fact he was ready to welcome any insults from Sir Percy Blakeney now, since these would be only additional evidences that the Englishman's temper was not yet under control.
Already in imagination, Chauvelin saw his impudent enemy, the bold and daring adventurer, standing there beside that table and putting his name to the consummation of his own infamy. The mental picture thus evoked brought a gleam of cruel satisfaction and of satiated lust into the keen, ferret-like face, and a smile of intense joy lit up the narrow, pale-coloured eyes.
Chauvelin went up to the bedstead and looked down upon the reclining figure of the man who had oft been called the most dangerous enemy of Republican France. Of a truth, a fine figure of a man, Chauvelin was ready enough to admit that; the long, hard limbs, the wide chest, and slender, white hands, all bespoke the man of birth, breeding and energy: the face too looked strong and clearly-cut in repose, now that the perpetually inane smile did not play round the firm lips, nor the lazy, indolent expression mar the seriousness of the straight brow.
I REST. MY CASE.
Let us not think, by the way, that Percy is not willing to throw his ASTOUNDINGLY THIRSTY nemesis an occasional flirtatious bone:
CHAUVELIN: What I wish to say to you, Sir Percy, is in the nature of a proposed bargain.
PERCY: Indeed?... Monsieur, you are full of surprises... like a pretty woman.... And pray what are the terms of this proposed bargain?
"Okay, thank you for this thrilling recreation of Kate Beaton's 'Nemesis,' but what is the plot of this book?" you may at this point be asking.
Okay, so: the first half involves Chauvelin's Machinations In England, where he engineers a fight between a visiting French actress and Juliette from I Will Repay in Percy's house, so that Percy steps up to defend Juliette and Marguerite's honor, so that Chauvelin steps up to defend the actress' honor, so that CHAUVELIN CAN CHALLENGE PERCY! TO A DUEL! IN FRANCE!!
PERCY: Great! Sounds like fun! Since you picked the place, do I get to pick the weapons?
CHAUVELIN: Sure, why not?
PERCY: Awesome, I pick these antique swords I happen to have lying around which might or might not have been poisoned by the Borgias?
CHAUVELIN: .... SURE, WHY NOT
(ME: Aw, man, I was really enjoying that two-book run in which Percy did no swashbuckling whatsoever!)
So Percy bops off to France, after an emotional scene with Marguerite, who's spent the first half of the book angsting about how Percy is in so much danger all the time and he'll never give it up EVEN FOR LOVE OF HER (there's an easy solution to this, which is to let Marguerite just be part of the League also, but alas this does not yet seem to be in the cards).
FRENCH ACTRESS: Hey Lady Blakeney I heard you like running off to France to rescue your husband from stupid Pimpernel exploits
MARGUERITE: I do like running off to France to rescue my husband from stupid Pimpernel exploits ....
FRENCH ACTRESS: Well, I feel bad about the fight, and I happen to have a spare passport and fake papers! Good luck!
MARGUERITE: Awesome! Off to France I go!
[one day later]
FRENCH GUARDS: Hello, Lady Blakeney! We got a tip you'd be coming this way and we're throwing you in prison.
MARGUERITE: I cannot believe that Percy gets to run over to France to rescue people ALL THE DANG TIME and I do it twice and suddenly it's 'an obvious move' and 'definitely a trap'
To add insult to injury, they throw Marguerite in a conspicuously easy-to-break-into prison guarded by one (1) single sad old priest who has some kind of tie to Juliette From The Last Book.
MARGUERITE: This is fine, Percy is going to break me out of here in like half a minute?
SAD OLD PRIEST: Alas! if you are broken out of here, I will be put to death.
MARGUERITE: ...
SAD OLD PRIEST: Which would be fine, and I would help you escape for sure, but alas! also my two grandchildren will be also for sure put to death.
MARGUERITE: ...
SAD OLD PRIEST: Alas! my son is the family breadwinner! Double alas, my poor young granddaughter! she is nine, and blind!
MARGUERITE: OH, COME ON.
CHAUVELIN: Oh ho, I have trapped Marguerite and Percy in an Ethical Dilemma!
SOME FRENCH GUY MORE EVIL THAN CHAUVELIN: Also I told the town that if the Scarlet Pimpernel escapes then every breadwinner in the WHOLE TOWN will be put to death.
CHAUVELIN: ..... my plan was sheer elegance in its evil simplicity. This seems a little excessive.
Anyway, then Percy turns up and strikes a pose in Chauvelin's window (you may recall the 'eyes dilated, lips parted' quote from above) and Chauvelin reveals his TRUE evil plan:
CHAUVELIN: Allow me, first, to monologue villainously at you -
PERCY: [straight up fake snoring]
CHAUVELIN: oh! my god!
CHAUVELIN: OKAY FINE HERE'S THE ACTUAL EVIL PLAN: in order for us to set free you and Marguerite and the old priest and his bread-winning grandson and his poor blind granddaughter AND the entire bread-winning population of the town (which I thought was over the top but never mind), YOU will sign a letter confessing that you secretly took bribes and betrayed a conspiracy to save Marie Antoinette and were working for the French Government the WHOLE TIME! And we'll publish it .... IN THE ENGLISH PAPERS.
MARGUERITE: oh no! not your honor! not the papers!!!
PERCY: sounds great! let's have a big setting-everyone-free party! can I get back to my nap now
(As previously mentioned, I read this book and I Will Repay out of order, but this exchange is definitely funnier when you realize that Percy spent the entire last book trying to explain why a conspiracy to save Marie Antoinette was a dumb idea.)
But of course Percy has a secret plan; it involves secretly substituting a fake letter (with the entire Scarlet Pimpernel doggerel rhyme written out in it) for the real letter; NOBODY thinks to check the letter before it gets whizzed off to Paris, probably because Chauvelin is too overcome by square jaws and slender white hands and wide lips and so on.
Percy and Chauvelin, for the record, never actually DO fight with the poisoned swords. Percy just waves the poisoned sword for a second, then smacks Chauvelin in the face with the real letter, picks him up, ties and gags him, places him kindly on the sofa and wanders off, because Percy is a giant and Chauvelin is a tiny man full powered only by ineffectual thirsty rage.
AND THAT'S THE END OF THAT SCARLET PIMPERNEL ADVENTURE!
Relatedly: this is the book where Chauvelin suddenly gets extremely gay. I don't remember him honestly being that gay in The Scarlet Pimpernel! The Watsonian explanation for this is that Chauvelin did not care THAT personally about the Scarlet Pimpernel until he was personally and humiliatingly defeated by him, which triggered a Sexy Obsession; the Doylian explanation is that most of that book is from Marguerite's POV and she's too distracted to notice Chauvelin giving Percy the eye. But allow me to share with you some representative quotes from The Elusive Pimpernel, which I have painstakingly re-gathered for your enjoyment:
Even now, as [Chauvelin] gazed with grudging admiration at the massive, well-knit figure of his arch-enemy, noted the thin nervy hands and square jaw, the low, broad forehead and deep-set, half-veiled eyes, he knew that in this matter wherein Percy Blakeney was obviously playing with his very life, the only emotion that really swayed him at this moment was his passionate love of adventure.
In a moment Chauvelin was on his feet and with eyes dilated, lips parted in awed bewilderment, he was gazing towards the open window, where astride upon the sill, one leg inside the room, the other out, and with the moon shining full on his suit of delicate-coloured cloth, his wide caped coat and elegant chapeau-bras, sat the imperturbable Sir Percy.
He had seen that self-possessed man of the world, that dainty and fastidious dandy, in the throes of an overmastering passion. He had very nearly paid with his life for the joy of having roused that supercilious and dormant lion. In fact he was ready to welcome any insults from Sir Percy Blakeney now, since these would be only additional evidences that the Englishman's temper was not yet under control.
Already in imagination, Chauvelin saw his impudent enemy, the bold and daring adventurer, standing there beside that table and putting his name to the consummation of his own infamy. The mental picture thus evoked brought a gleam of cruel satisfaction and of satiated lust into the keen, ferret-like face, and a smile of intense joy lit up the narrow, pale-coloured eyes.
Chauvelin went up to the bedstead and looked down upon the reclining figure of the man who had oft been called the most dangerous enemy of Republican France. Of a truth, a fine figure of a man, Chauvelin was ready enough to admit that; the long, hard limbs, the wide chest, and slender, white hands, all bespoke the man of birth, breeding and energy: the face too looked strong and clearly-cut in repose, now that the perpetually inane smile did not play round the firm lips, nor the lazy, indolent expression mar the seriousness of the straight brow.
I REST. MY CASE.
Let us not think, by the way, that Percy is not willing to throw his ASTOUNDINGLY THIRSTY nemesis an occasional flirtatious bone:
CHAUVELIN: What I wish to say to you, Sir Percy, is in the nature of a proposed bargain.
PERCY: Indeed?... Monsieur, you are full of surprises... like a pretty woman.... And pray what are the terms of this proposed bargain?
"Okay, thank you for this thrilling recreation of Kate Beaton's 'Nemesis,' but what is the plot of this book?" you may at this point be asking.
Okay, so: the first half involves Chauvelin's Machinations In England, where he engineers a fight between a visiting French actress and Juliette from I Will Repay in Percy's house, so that Percy steps up to defend Juliette and Marguerite's honor, so that Chauvelin steps up to defend the actress' honor, so that CHAUVELIN CAN CHALLENGE PERCY! TO A DUEL! IN FRANCE!!
PERCY: Great! Sounds like fun! Since you picked the place, do I get to pick the weapons?
CHAUVELIN: Sure, why not?
PERCY: Awesome, I pick these antique swords I happen to have lying around which might or might not have been poisoned by the Borgias?
CHAUVELIN: .... SURE, WHY NOT
(ME: Aw, man, I was really enjoying that two-book run in which Percy did no swashbuckling whatsoever!)
So Percy bops off to France, after an emotional scene with Marguerite, who's spent the first half of the book angsting about how Percy is in so much danger all the time and he'll never give it up EVEN FOR LOVE OF HER (there's an easy solution to this, which is to let Marguerite just be part of the League also, but alas this does not yet seem to be in the cards).
FRENCH ACTRESS: Hey Lady Blakeney I heard you like running off to France to rescue your husband from stupid Pimpernel exploits
MARGUERITE: I do like running off to France to rescue my husband from stupid Pimpernel exploits ....
FRENCH ACTRESS: Well, I feel bad about the fight, and I happen to have a spare passport and fake papers! Good luck!
MARGUERITE: Awesome! Off to France I go!
[one day later]
FRENCH GUARDS: Hello, Lady Blakeney! We got a tip you'd be coming this way and we're throwing you in prison.
MARGUERITE: I cannot believe that Percy gets to run over to France to rescue people ALL THE DANG TIME and I do it twice and suddenly it's 'an obvious move' and 'definitely a trap'
To add insult to injury, they throw Marguerite in a conspicuously easy-to-break-into prison guarded by one (1) single sad old priest who has some kind of tie to Juliette From The Last Book.
MARGUERITE: This is fine, Percy is going to break me out of here in like half a minute?
SAD OLD PRIEST: Alas! if you are broken out of here, I will be put to death.
MARGUERITE: ...
SAD OLD PRIEST: Which would be fine, and I would help you escape for sure, but alas! also my two grandchildren will be also for sure put to death.
MARGUERITE: ...
SAD OLD PRIEST: Alas! my son is the family breadwinner! Double alas, my poor young granddaughter! she is nine, and blind!
MARGUERITE: OH, COME ON.
CHAUVELIN: Oh ho, I have trapped Marguerite and Percy in an Ethical Dilemma!
SOME FRENCH GUY MORE EVIL THAN CHAUVELIN: Also I told the town that if the Scarlet Pimpernel escapes then every breadwinner in the WHOLE TOWN will be put to death.
CHAUVELIN: ..... my plan was sheer elegance in its evil simplicity. This seems a little excessive.
Anyway, then Percy turns up and strikes a pose in Chauvelin's window (you may recall the 'eyes dilated, lips parted' quote from above) and Chauvelin reveals his TRUE evil plan:
CHAUVELIN: Allow me, first, to monologue villainously at you -
PERCY: [straight up fake snoring]
CHAUVELIN: oh! my god!
CHAUVELIN: OKAY FINE HERE'S THE ACTUAL EVIL PLAN: in order for us to set free you and Marguerite and the old priest and his bread-winning grandson and his poor blind granddaughter AND the entire bread-winning population of the town (which I thought was over the top but never mind), YOU will sign a letter confessing that you secretly took bribes and betrayed a conspiracy to save Marie Antoinette and were working for the French Government the WHOLE TIME! And we'll publish it .... IN THE ENGLISH PAPERS.
MARGUERITE: oh no! not your honor! not the papers!!!
PERCY: sounds great! let's have a big setting-everyone-free party! can I get back to my nap now
(As previously mentioned, I read this book and I Will Repay out of order, but this exchange is definitely funnier when you realize that Percy spent the entire last book trying to explain why a conspiracy to save Marie Antoinette was a dumb idea.)
But of course Percy has a secret plan; it involves secretly substituting a fake letter (with the entire Scarlet Pimpernel doggerel rhyme written out in it) for the real letter; NOBODY thinks to check the letter before it gets whizzed off to Paris, probably because Chauvelin is too overcome by square jaws and slender white hands and wide lips and so on.
Percy and Chauvelin, for the record, never actually DO fight with the poisoned swords. Percy just waves the poisoned sword for a second, then smacks Chauvelin in the face with the real letter, picks him up, ties and gags him, places him kindly on the sofa and wanders off, because Percy is a giant and Chauvelin is a tiny man full powered only by ineffectual thirsty rage.
AND THAT'S THE END OF THAT SCARLET PIMPERNEL ADVENTURE!
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 06:45 pm (UTC)CONTEXT.
P.S. "That supercilious and dormant lion" is definitely the title of somebody's sex tape.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 10:02 pm (UTC)I'm pretty sure the phrase 'that supercilious and dormant lion' is straight-up used in a sexy context in some Dorothy Dunnett book.
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Date: 2018-08-27 06:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 03:37 am (UTC)I just realized it would make an even better MetaFilter handle than blog.
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Date: 2018-08-26 06:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 10:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 08:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 10:10 pm (UTC)A Watsonian explanation: THERE IS ONLY ONE
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Date: 2018-08-26 10:09 pm (UTC)I'm starting to think I need to read these books, they are SO RIDICULOUS.
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Date: 2018-08-26 10:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-26 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-28 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-08-27 02:10 am (UTC)THIS IS. A LOT.
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Date: 2018-08-28 12:58 am (UTC)THERE WERE MORE
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Date: 2018-08-28 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-09-15 10:16 pm (UTC)