skygiants: Koizumi Kyoko from Twentieth Century Boys making her signature SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED face (wtf is this)
[personal profile] skygiants
Last time I went to the library, I happened to stumble across The Weeping Ash, a Joan Aiken regency romance I had never seen nor heard of before!

I generally make it a habit to acquire any Joan Aikens I can get my hands on because she is usually very very enjoyably bonkers, so I brought it home with me as good fluff reading for a sunny weekend.

It was, uh ... not what I expected.

The back cover of The Weeping Ash:

New bride Fanny Paget experiences shame and torment in her loveless arranged marriage, finding solace only in her budding friendship with estate gardener Andrew Talgarth. He never seems too busy to listen and sympathize. But Fanny is trapped, until her husband's cousins arrive from India and a series of explosive events unfold that change the lives of all involved. Andrew is there through it all, strong and steadfast, awaiting Fanny's greatest self-discovery -- no matter how long it takes.

This, indeed, is the A-plot and it is largely realist and EXTREMELY GRIM. Fanny's husband is a monster with no redeeming qualities; Fanny spends most of the book Patient Griselda-ing her way through extensive emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Fanny does have one pleasant conversation with Andrew the nice gardener and then her terrible husband fires him, after which Andrew mostly exits the book except for very brief cameo appearances, so I'm not really sure where the back cover writer got 'listening' and 'sympathizing' or indeed the 'there through it all'.

Fanny herself is a very sympathetic character, but if the only plot were her hundreds of pages of misery, I quite likely would not have finished the book.

HOWEVER: there is also a B-plot, in which Fanny's half-Indian mildly telepathic twin cousins Scylla and Carloman end up fleeing a regime change with their unflappable adoptive mother, a Bold English Adventurer, and a maharajah's endangered infant heir! Elephants! Quicksand! Poisoned dresses! Hair-raising escapes across aging rope bridges!

Let me be clear: the B-plot is also not good. It is exactly the sort of deeply Orientalist Romancing-the-Stone style adventure one would expect of a book written in 1980 in which a plucky group of Western adventurers make their way across the Indian subcontinent. I did like the twins, especially Carloman, a cheerfully lazy poet with a seizure disorder and an airy confidence in his own talent. I did not like Colonel Cameron the Bold English Adventurer, who is Scylla's Designated Love Interest, which means that he spends the entire book being an asshole to her for absolutely no reason. Come back, kindly gardener Andrew! I'm sorry for making fun of you for mostly not appearing in the book!!

Roundabout the middle of the book, while the whole party is hanging out in some caves with a religious hermit, she overhears him having a conversation with her adopted mother:

COLONEL CAMERON: Ma'am, I am extremely concerned about Scylla's welfare!
SCYLLA'S ADOPTED MOTHER: Oh?
COLONEL CAMERON: Honestly, I'm fairly sure she'll never make it all the way through this adventure without being captured and seduced by somebody, so I think the best solution is for me to just seduce her now instead? That way at least if she gets pregnant the baby will be mostly European!
MISS MUSSON: um??
SCYLLA: um???
ME: UM???????

SCYLLA'S ADOPTED MOTHER: anyway that's ... a very kind offer ...... but I think I'm going to say no thank you on Scylla's behalf .........
SCYLLA: alas, from overhearing this conversation, I have realized that I love the Colonel and he will never love me back, since he only wants to bang me out of racist duty!

ME: That -- that's what you got from that conversation?? THAT IS WHAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH THIS EXTREMELY HORRIBLE MAN.

Scylla returns, desolate, to her own portion of the cave ... then wakes up in the middle of the night to find someone embracing her! Assuming this is Colonel Cameron, she enthusiastically participates in a bout of silent cave sex.

Unfortunately, she is mistaken; it is not Colonel Cameron. Instead, it turns out she has accidentally banged her twin brother Carloman, who wandered over in a haze of narcolust while sleepwalking. Whoops!

This plot twist came so out of left field to me that at this point I had to read the entire rest of the book -- ALL SIX HUNDRED PAGES OF IT -- to find out where the surprise incest was going.

Chekhov's twincest gun never goes off! Scylla is like "Carloman must never know" and, indeed, he never does; they return to their perfectly normal sibling relationship and the accidental incest is never mentioned again. This is surely a great relief to Scylla on the personal level, but it leaves me, the reader, a confused and tormented soul. Why did you spring one scene of pointless accidental incest on me, Joan Aiken? I don't understand??

Anyway, ninety pages from the end of this six hundred page book -- after some extremely unpleasant adventures on a ship of the line in which Scylla is raped by a royal officer, after which Carloman and some friends promptly murder that officer, followed by unrelated poetic success for Carloman -- Scylla, Carloman, and the maharajah's endangered infant heir FINALLY make it to England to stay with their cousin Fanny, her horrible husband, the horrible husband's useless stepdaughters, and Fanny's developmentally delayed baby.

Fanny and Scylla immediately become best friends and bond over how the various awful things that have happened to them are not their fault no matter who might try to victim-blame, so that's nice! Then Carloman and Fanny then take ten pages to fall into restrained and pining love, after which Carloman heads back out to sea, Fanny's baby turns up MURDERED, and the last fifty pages take an abrupt left turn into a recreation of the Saville Kent case??

In the last ten pages of the book:
- Fanny's husband (obviously) turns out to be the murderer and commits suicide
- Fanny's husband ALSO murders Carloman when he turns back up to accuse him
- Scylla is pretty sad, but not so sad that when horrible Colonel Cameron turns back up she can't throw himself into his arms for a glorious reunion!
- Fanny is also pretty sad, but in the very last line of the book she does get to look up and smile at her nice gardener, who's back in the text at last!
- so that's ... fine ......?

And that was The Weeping Ash! Possibly my least favorite Joan Aiken to date, would not recommend, but ... as always with Joan Aiken ... it was certainly An Experience .......
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Date: 2019-06-11 04:39 am (UTC)
castiron: cartoony sketch of owl (Default)
From: [personal profile] castiron
This is clearly the kind of book that the term "epic WTFery" was invented for.

Date: 2019-06-11 04:39 am (UTC)
thistleingrey: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thistleingrey
Also, uh, "Carloman" = Charlemagne?? So confused.

Date: 2019-06-11 04:43 am (UTC)
meganbmoore: (Default)
From: [personal profile] meganbmoore
The twitter comments didn't prepare me for this.

Date: 2019-06-11 04:59 am (UTC)
landofnowhere: (Default)
From: [personal profile] landofnowhere
W.T.F. I feel bad for Scylla and Carloman, who deserve much better than this nonsense.

Date: 2019-06-11 05:02 am (UTC)
sovay: (I Claudius)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Possibly my least favorite Joan Aiken to date, would not recommend, but ... as always with Joan Aiken ... it was certainly An Experience .......

If you're taking disrecommendations, I do not remember enjoying Castle Barebane (1976). It is actually the reason I have never read any of Aiken's other Gothics, because it was the first one I tried.

Date: 2019-06-11 05:33 am (UTC)
conuly: (Default)
From: [personal profile] conuly
What.

Date: 2019-06-11 05:35 am (UTC)
aella_irene: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aella_irene
OH GOD IT WAS THIS ONE.

This book! Baby Aella's FIRST BOOK CONTAINING SEX. THE UR-ROMANCE.

(Admittedly, I had forgotten the twincest in favour of the bit where Carloman writes poetry about the tragedy of Fanny's developmentally delayed baby, which even then I recognised was not a sure fire guarantee of romantic success, but rather A Dick Move)
Edited Date: 2019-06-11 05:39 am (UTC)

Date: 2019-06-11 05:53 am (UTC)
venetia_sassy: (MLP // shake it off)
From: [personal profile] venetia_sassy
Um.

... maybe she was sleep-deprived? Or tried to write down a dream? (Take two or three of my 'misery-drama dreams', I could write this.)

Date: 2019-06-11 06:01 am (UTC)
rachelmanija: (Unicorn emotions)
From: [personal profile] rachelmanija
she has accidentally banged her twin brother Carloman, who wandered over in a haze of narcolust while sleepwalking.

What the hell.

the entire rest of the plot

WHAT THE HELL.

Date: 2019-06-11 06:03 am (UTC)
rachelmanija: (Saiyuki: Special Hell)
From: [personal profile] rachelmanija
I was thinking Charybdis, to go with Scylla.

Date: 2019-06-11 06:03 am (UTC)
sovay: (What the hell ass balls?!)
From: [personal profile] sovay
(Admittedly, I had forgotten the twincest in favour of the bit where Carloman writes poetry about the tragedy of Fanny's developmentally delayed baby, which even then I recognised was not a sure fire guarantee of romantic success, but rather A Dick Move)

Uh.

Date: 2019-06-11 06:13 am (UTC)
aella_irene: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aella_irene
According to the narrative, their dotty professor father WANTED to name them Scylla and Charybdis, but the priest objected.

Date: 2019-06-11 06:18 am (UTC)
aella_irene: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aella_irene
Is it not every woman's romantic DREAM to be presented with a sheaf of paper going into loving detail about how your baby can't hold up his own head?

Date: 2019-06-11 07:24 am (UTC)
cyphomandra: fractured brooding landscape (Default)
From: [personal profile] cyphomandra
???!!!???

I checked, and not only does my library actually has this, but it claims it’s the middle volume of a three book Paget Family saga. I have no idea where Aiken would go with a sequel...

Date: 2019-06-11 08:09 am (UTC)
antisoppist: (Default)
From: [personal profile] antisoppist
And there I was thinking it was only my generation who grew up with Lace who had it bad.

Date: 2019-06-11 08:19 am (UTC)
aella_irene: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aella_irene
I wish I'd seen this comment on Sunday, before I thought 'Castle Barebane? That sounds enjoyable bonkers'and bought it.

Date: 2019-06-11 08:30 am (UTC)
aella_irene: (Default)
From: [personal profile] aella_irene
The really disturbing bit was actually all the marital rape. The incest genuinely slipped my mind in comparison to various scenes in which Fanny is in agonising pain and being ignored by her stepdaughters.

Date: 2019-06-11 08:57 am (UTC)
vass: Jon Stewart reading a dictionary (books)
From: [personal profile] vass
Kindly Gardener Andrew must have seen the oncoming storm of the rest of the book and fled for higher ground.

Date: 2019-06-11 11:01 am (UTC)
ashlyme: Picture of me wearing a carnival fox mask (Default)
From: [personal profile] ashlyme
No. Nay. Nein. Jesus fucking Christ. And other aghast sort of words.

Date: 2019-06-11 11:22 am (UTC)
marginaliana: Buddy the dog carries Bobo the toy (Default)
From: [personal profile] marginaliana
w h a t

Date: 2019-06-11 12:01 pm (UTC)
asakiyume: (black crow on a red ground)
From: [personal profile] asakiyume
Yoowwwwwwzers.

That sounds just... extremely unpleasant, actually.

Date: 2019-06-11 12:01 pm (UTC)
asakiyume: created by the ninja girl (Default)
From: [personal profile] asakiyume
This was actually my thought only substitute drugs for sleep deprived.

Date: 2019-06-11 12:52 pm (UTC)
venetia_sassy: (MLP // shake it off)
From: [personal profile] venetia_sassy
A hallucinatory quality, certainly!

Date: 2019-06-11 01:25 pm (UTC)
genarti: ([ouran] QUELLE HORREUR)
From: [personal profile] genarti
...Words fail me except for the all-important YIIIIKES.

Date: 2019-06-11 02:13 pm (UTC)
thistleingrey: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thistleingrey
Yes, I think that's the start, but shifted over for a reason I can't guess without reading. Carlo+man is definitely the same lexical parts as Charles the great, in older texts.
Page 1 of 4 << [1] [2] [3] [4] >>

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