(no subject)

[skygiants]

My friend Rahul's second book, We Are Totally Normal, is coming out at the end of March, and she kindly sent me an ARC!

Based on how much I loved Rahul's first book, Enter Title Here, I also fully expected to enjoy We Are Totally Normal; I absolutely did not expect to get gut-punched with so many moments of emotional recognition.

We Are Totally Normal focuses on moderately terrible teen Nandan, a high school junior who, having achieved a degree of social success, is now trying to figure out how to turn that social success into something that allows for genuine conversation and connection rather than the endless stream of boring drunken keggers preferred by the bro squad. In the meantime, Nandan has decided to pay it forward by mentoring sweet nerdy Dave through a first high school romance with equally sweet nerdy Mari.

Unfortunately, before Nandan can really get Dave/Mari off the ground, Nandan and Dave hook up in Nandan's basement after a bad party, launching Dave straight into infatuation and Nandan into a spiraling, complicated, incredibly messy journey through sexuality and identity. Rahul does some of the most honest writing I've seen about feelings that don't map to a standard narrative. This isn't a fluffy or a feel-good book, but it's absolutely a book that feels true.

Nandan doesn't particularly enjoy sex, most of the time, with anyone. Nandan does really like Dave, and wants him to be happy -- and Nandan, it turns out, also really likes the opportunity that his new queer identity offers him to move socially out of bro-land into the inner circle of female friendship reigned over by Nandan's glamorous ex-girlfriend Avani. Which of course might mean that Nandan has really liked Avani the whole time ... or may mean that Nandan really just wants to be Avani, which is not at all the same thing.

Here's the thing: it's great to know, really know, that you've got An Identity, that that's The Thing You Are. But what if you don't actually know what you want? What if sex and romance are always unpleasantly fraught with layers of expectation and anxiety no matter who you try them with; what if nothing ever just clicks the way it seems like it's supposed to; what if you're too aware of the narratives that you want to tell about yourself to feel like any of them are a hundred percent true?

I don't actually have that much in common with Nandan, in most ways (including the fact that I'm not nearly so much of a social engineer.) But that sense of doubt, the emotional back-and-forth, the way you can want nothing more to be close to a person one day and then the next day all physical contact just feels wrong, and there's no way you can explain it, even to yourself ... I have felt all those things, and very rarely seen them written about.

The book ends before Nandan really finds any actual answers, except to the question 'does Dave matter to me in some way' (the answer is yes) -- which is a thing some people are going to find really frustrating, I suspect, but I genuinely love it. A reader can absolutely take a guess at what some of those answers may be, in the future ... but, I mean, a lot of people don't find their answers at seventeen. Some people never do find The Answer. Sometimes there isn't An Answer to be found. It doesn't make for a tidy narrative, but it's a thing that's true.

Comments

[thistleingrey]

It doesn't make for a tidy narrative, but it's a thing that's true.

That matters. *tips hat to author*

[skygiants]

Rahul is really, really good at writing the kind of awkward, messy feelings that are hard to write about.

[halojedha]

This sounds really great. That complexity and fluidity is so important to represent. Stories all too often simplify narratives and characters when most of us experience ourselves as changeable and contradictory.

[skygiants]

"Just be yourself honestly!" is great advice in theory and in practice is like "but that would require SO much more self-knowledge than I actually have available to me -"

[sovay]

Some people never do find The Answer. Sometimes there isn't An Answer to be found.

That sounds both useful and its own kind of satisfying.

[skygiants]

The book ends with one good moment, and it's like -- well, maybe this moment won't last, and all that uncertainty will come back again tomorrow. But it's worth appreciating the moment, I think.

[sperrywink]

It's great that the book and Nandan spoke to you. I know what you mean about the narratives we tell ourselves about ourselves and being wishful thinking or something like that rather than truth.

[skygiants]

It's very confusing, actually, being a creature of excessive self-awareness and narrative construction!

[grrlpup]

I love Enter Title Here (and the author’s blog) and am so excited for this one!!

[skygiants]

yessss it's so good!

[chestnut_pod]

That sounds wonderful and true, and I've gone and put an alert on its release date! Thanks for the introduction.

[skygiants]

You're very welcome, I really hope you enjoy it! :D

[troisoiseaux]

But what if you don't actually know what you want? What if sex and romance are always unpleasantly fraught with layers of expectation and anxiety no matter who you try them with; what if nothing ever just clicks the way it seems like it's supposed to; what if you're too aware of the narratives that you want to tell about yourself to feel like any of them are a hundred percent true?

Oh. That's a big mood.

I'll have to keep an eye out for this book when it comes out!

[skygiants]

So MUCH of the book is like "oh no, ENORMOUS MOOD." I kind of wish I'd read it as a teenager or early twenty-something but it is also still terribly relatable to me here and now in this present time ...

[obopolsk]

Oh, this book sounds so good! Adding it to my list.

[skygiants]

I will very much look forward to hearing your thoughts on it! :D