(no subject)

[skygiants]

Once upon a time, I read Exiled from Camelot, the novel-length Sir Kay angstfic by Cherith Baldry that Phyllis Ann Kar politely called 'one of the half-best Arthurian novels that I have yet read,' and then launched it off to Be Experienced by osprey_archer and troisoiseaux.

Now my sins have come back upon me sevenfold, or perhaps even fifteenfold: troisoiseaux has discovered that, not content with the amount of hurt and comfort that she inflicted upon Kay in exiled from Camelot, Cherith Baldry has written No Less than Fifteen Sad Kay Fanfics and collected them in a volume called The Last Knight of Camelot: The Chronicles of Sir Kay.

This book has now made its way from troisoiseaux via osprey_archer on to me, along with numerous annotations -- osprey_archer has suggested 'drink!' every time Baldry mentions Kay's 'hawk's face,' which I have not done, as I think this would kill me -- to which I have duly added in my turn. I am proud to tell you that I was taking notes and Kay only experiences agonized manly tears nine times in the volume. That means that there are at least six whole stories where Kay manages not to burst into tears at all! And we're very proud of him for that!

The thesis of The Last Knight of Camelot seems to be that Kay is in unrequited love with Arthur; Gawain and Gareth are both in unrequited love with Kay; and everyone else is mean to Kay, all the time, for no reason. troisoiseaux and osprey_archer in their posts have both pulled out this quote which I also feel I am duty-bound to do:

"Lord of my heart, my mind, my life. All that I'll ever be. All I'll ever want.”

He had never revealed so much before.

Arthur leant towards him; there was love in his face, and wonder and compassion too, and Kay knew, his knowledge piercing like an arrow into his inmost spirit, that his love, this single-minded devotion that could fill his life and be poured out and yet never exhausted, was not returned. Arthur loved him, but not like that.

He could not help shrinking back a little.

However, I also must provide the additional context that this tender moment is immediately interrupted by the ARRIVAL OF MORGAUSE, TO SEDUCE ARTHUR, TO MAKE MORDRED, leading me to believe that Baldry is suggesting that if Kay had instead seized the chance to confidently make out with Arthur at this time, the entire doom of Camelot might have been averted. Alas! instead, Arthur dismisses Kay to go hang out with Morgause, it all goes south, Arthur blames Kay for Some Reason, and Kay spends a week on his knees in the courtyard going on hunger strike for Arthur's forgiveness until he collapses on the cobblestones and wakes up to a repentant Arthur tenderly feeding him warm milk.

If the stories in this volume are any judge, this is a pretty normal week for Kay. I also want to shout out

- the one where Lancelot and Gaheris set up a Fake Adventure for Kay to prove his courage, which destroys Kay emotionally, and kitchen-boy-squire Gareth runs after him and tries to swear loyalty to him and ask Kay to knight him, but Kay is like "you cannot AFFORD to have Kay as a friend >:(( for your knightly reputation >:(((" and Gareth shouts "you can't make me your enemy!!" and then Lancelot finds them arguing and is like 'wow, Kay is abusing this poor kitchen boy' and sweeps the lovelorn Gareth away, leaving Kay's reputation worse than before
- the one where Arthur gets kidnapped by an evil sorcerer who demands Excalibur as Arthur's ransom, and then Kay decides to try and trick the evil sorcerer with a Fake Excalibur even though Lancelot is like 'FAKE Excalibur? that's a LIE and DISHONORABLE,' and then Kay rescues Arthur from being magic-brainwashed by pure power of [brotherly?] love, and as soon as their tender embrace is over Arthur is like 'wait! you brought a FAKE Excalibur? that's a LIE and DISHONORABLE'
- the one where Kay is accused of rape as a Ploy to Discredit Arthur and has to go through a trial by ordeal where he walks over hot coals while on the verge of death from other injuries and Gawain flings himself into the fire to rescue him but it turns out it's fine because Kay is So Extremely Innocent of the Crime that they both end up clinging together bathed in golden light that heals their injuries

Again: FIFTEEN of these. Baldry is truly living her bliss and I honestly cannot but respect it. The book is going to make its way back from here whence it came, but if anyone else is really feeling a shortage of Kay Agonies in their life, let me know; I'm sure an additional stop would be welcomed as long as whoever gets it pays the annotation tax.

Comments

[pauraque]

I may have injured myself laughing at this post. But as my laughter is of pure delight and I am innocent of the crime of not taking Kay's epic manpain seriously enough, I expect to be healed by golden light in short order.

[skygiants]

The hot coals will not harm you, I'm sure of it! Especially if a fellow knight rushes in at the last moment to stand with you because he can't bear to see you suffer unjustly.

[thistleingrey]

Wow. "Poor Kay" is a reaction I have often had while reading Arthurian stuff, but I guess I've never felt strongly enough to understand The Truth.

Suddenly I wonder whether a broad swathe of in-this-year teens and early twentysomethings have a casual fanfic affinity partly from growing up reading Erin Hunter's Warriors books (Hunter is a group that includes Baldry).

[skygiants]

My sense is indeed that Warrior Cats taps into something profoundly fanfictional in the Id, but I don't know if I'd say that's causal -- maybe more the other way around (the teenage Id naturally craves the high-octane fanfic quality of the Warrior Cat.O)

[sovay]

However, I also must provide the additional context that this tender moment is immediately interrupted by the ARRIVAL OF MORGAUSE, TO SEDUCE ARTHUR, TO MAKE MORDRED, leading me to believe that Baldry is suggesting that if Kay had instead seized the chance to confidently make out with Arthur at this time, the entire doom of Camelot might have been averted.

That would not be a take on the Matter of Britain I have seen before and I think it would have been worth a try!

and Gawain flings himself into the fire to rescue him but it turns out it's fine because Kay is So Extremely Innocent of the Crime that they both end up clinging together bathed in golden light that heals their injuries

I got nothing.

[satsuma]

Yeah I am also intrigued by the potential of a preventing Mordred via gay kisses. If anyone out there wants to write a fanfic of a fanfic, go for it 😂

[skygiants]

Beth points out that I forgot to add the real coup de grace on the Tale of the Time Kay Failed To Cockblock Morgause: there is a frame narrative to this short story in which we learn that Kay is telling it to Gareth and Gawain. MORGAUSE'S SONS.

[troisoiseaux]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES.

[skygiants]

how DID you find it, anyway

[osprey_archer]

Listen, Cherith Baldry has a Vision and that Vision could not be contained within a single novel. She can fit SO much more hurt/comfort into this Kay!

I think I actually missed the first couple of "hawk face" descriptions, but even so, anyone who took a whole shot at every "hawk face" I marked might die. Especially if they also included the one or two "falcon-faced" variations. I think a lot of these stories were originally published separately which explains the repeated description, but if I were publishing all the stories together I might edit some of them out...

Honestly surprised that Kay dissolves into manly agonized tears in only nine of the stories. If you had told me it was every single one, I would have reminded you that there was that one weird story from the point of view of the dragon on Arthur's banner, but I would have said "yeah that checks out" about the other fourteen.

I had actually forgotten the one where Arthur gets kidnapped and Kay saves him with Fake Excalibur, but the entire sequence of Gareth & Kay stories lives in my brain rent-free. Gareth loves Kay SO much and Kay spends SO much time repressing him and the bit where Lancelot comes upon Kay telling Gareth "YOU CAN'T BE MY FRIEND, IT WOULD DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION" and is just like, "Sigh, come away from the churl Kay my lad, he can't help being the worst" is just a distillation of the entire book into one scene. Gareth loves Kay so much! Kay is incapable of not shooting himself in the foot! Lancelot exists to gaze upon Kay with a disapproving face.

I was also never quite sure at what point Gareth changed from being some random kitchen boy to a soon-to-be knight that everyone knows is related to Gawain? I really felt that this change ought to be more marked in his behavior. And everyone's behavior toward him.

[sovay]

Gareth loves Kay SO much and Kay spends SO much time repressing him and the bit where Lancelot comes upon Kay telling Gareth "YOU CAN'T BE MY FRIEND, IT WOULD DESTROY YOUR REPUTATION" and is just like, "Sigh, come away from the churl Kay my lad, he can't help being the worst" is just a distillation of the entire book into one scene. Gareth loves Kay so much! Kay is incapable of not shooting himself in the foot! Lancelot exists to gaze upon Kay with a disapproving face.

If someone could excerpt that one for me, I feel I could achieve this book experience without brain damage.

[edit] there was that one weird story from the point of view of the dragon on Arthur's banner

Never mind, what?

[skygiants]

It IS very very funny how many times I'd hit a story and be like 'oh, yes, sure, this IS an existing bit of the Arthurian corpus ... and I see we have somehow managed to make this one also All About How Kay's Sad ......' I think my favorite example of this was the 'Lancelot paints agonized portraits of his affair' incident. I do not think any previous version of the story has Kay there for that! For once, this was not about Him or His Problems! AND BALDRY IS HERE TO FIX THAT.

I do keep wondering if it's possible to write a book that likes both Kay AND Lancelot. No one seems to have done it yet. Either Kay exists to be a buffoon, or Lancelot exists to be a disapproving exemplar of everything the author thinks is stupid about knights.

[petra]

This made me cackle. It's a hard life being someone's blorbo.

[skygiants]

There are simply so many possible torments through which he can be put!

[rymenhild]

... I don't even know where to start.

[skygiants]

I don't think he COULD win the title of champion woobie from Vanyel, but I think that Baldry THINKS he could.

[evewithanapple]

It's honestly so inspiring to know that the tropes I can find by opening the front page of AO3 share so much DNA with a novel written twenty-five years ago. The impulse to whump is truly immortal.

Also I went to Cherith Baldry's Goodreads page, read the words "one of three writers who write the bestselling YA series WARRIORS under the pen name Erin Hunter" and experienced a truly indescribable emotion.

[skygiants]

I'm so glad that Baldry's Warrior Cats money allows her to pursue her true passion: putting her favorite obscure woobie through elaborate hurt/comfort scenarios. It IS an immortal impulse!

[littlerhymes]

I truly admire Cherith and all she wants to be. Exiled from Camelot was honestly so fun for so many reasons! Maybe I'll read this one day... one emotional day...

[osprey_archer]

It is supposed to come back to me after genarti reads it, so if you would like me to send you the fully annotated version...

[chestnut_pod]

WALKING OVER HOT COALS! Not just invulnerable, but healed by golden light! It's a whump life wherever you go.

[lirazel]

So glad that so many of us had the same first reaction of "WHUMP!" I did not read the comments before I commented, so I was delighted to see this is the first word that popped into all our minds.

[lirazel]

WHUMP. Good to know what people who don't have the outlet of fanfiction do when the heart demands hurt/hurt/hurt/comfort/hurt!

I am simply dying to know the backstory of how Baldry fell in love with Sir Kay specifically. Which of the retellings was she reading where he captured her heart????

[kadharonon]

Gonna be honest, I’m about 1/3 of the way through an attempt to read Le Morte d’Arthur and I’m right there with her. Kay suggested once that it might be a bad idea to disarm at night when they’re a war party going to meet a much bigger army (immediately made fun of for this suggestion and then vindicated when they were attacked in the middle of the night) and since then I’ve just been like “it’s you and me against all of the rest of these chucklefucks, Kay.”

[kadharonon]

OKAY SO I'm just far enough into my read-through of Le Morte d'Arthur to have decided that Kay is the Only Sensible Knight in here, and my friend Fran was like "you should read Exiled from Camelot, it's 100% Kay whump all the way through," and I've just started it, so I made a noise somewhat like a steam kettle when I saw this on my dash, let me tell you.

Kay: so wonderful. so whumpable. thank you Cherith Baldry for your service in the Kay whump mines.

[skygiants]

oh I am SO excited to hear what you think when you finish Exiled from Camelot. (if you've not read Idylls of the Queen I also could not more highly recommend it, and, unlike Exiled from Camelot -- sorry Exiled from Camelot -- I also think it's genuinely a good book ... Kay and Mordred Go On A Murder Mystery Road Trip!!)

I keep trying to read the Morte and I keep failing out shockingly early in. SOMEDAY, BY GOD

[marginaliana]

This seems like something it would be fantastic to read aloud at a party with someone pouring maybe half-shots accompanied by a full glas of water for each.

[skygiants]

I think that's exactly the way to do it, with prizes for those who manage to keep a straight face.

[scintilla10]

Ahahaha, this is absolute gold, so hysterical!

From going back to your original post about Exiled from Camelot, I now realize the polite Phyllis Ann Karr review was "one of the half-dozen best," but on initial read the slight misquote in this post ("one of the half-best") was bafflingly funny. Such passive aggressive politeness! XD

[skygiants]

asjdf;lkdj thank you I had completely missed the misquote 😂

[obopolsk]

Thank you for this utterly delightful recap of a book I've somehow missed in my quest to read everything Arthurian.