(no subject)
Oct. 11th, 2011 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsSO this weekend a whole bunch of us went down to see NEWSIES: LIVE ON BROADWAY, or rather LIVE IN NEW JERSEY while it waits to grow up into a real show!
But before I write it up, it strikes me that those poor unfortunate souls who did not grow up on the 1992 SERIOUS HISTORICAL DISNEY MOVIE about SINGING NEWSBOYS headed by BATMAN might wish to know what our basis for comparison is! So, tomorrow, NEWSIES, THE MUSICAL; today, NEWSIES, THE PRIMER.
Baby Christian Bale is a cowboy-obsessed REBEL who leads a gang of singing, dancing newsboys!
Then he meets cranky, comes-from-a-real-family, went-to-school-and-everything David Jacobs and his cute little brother Les. They have an escaping-from-the-law meet-cute, Jack invites David to be his partner, David invites Jack home to meet his family and also to stay nights at his place . . .
Then EVIL PULITZER decides to charge Newsies more for their papers so Jack and David take their partnership to the next step by putting David's brains and Jack'slooks charisma loud enthusiasm together to organize a UNION and a historically accurate STRIKE!
It involves probably rather more than the usual number of pelvic thrusts and chest bumps.
Bill Pullman pops in to be their slightly creepy newspaper mentor who writes articles about the strike, buys them food, and occasionally purchases a full set of Newsies from the local judge.
Also deeply important to the strike and to the film: SPOT CONLON, undisputed lord of the Brooklyn Newsies, commander of the wharf of shirtlessness, and most badass scrawny thirteen-year-old in ALL THE WORLD. Everyone else in the movie trembles and hang upon his every word and it is AMAZING.
In between, Jack, pursuing a 'gotta catch 'em all' philosophy with regards to the Jacobs family, attempts a romance with David's sister Sarah. Unfortunately she only has approximately five lines in the entire movie so one can only count him semi-successful.
But she still gets off with more dignity than fake-Swedish vaudeville star and part-time Newsies den mother Ann-Margret, singing such immortal lines as "My lovey-dovey baby, come coochie-coo with me."
Conflict! Newsies get ARRESTED! Bill Pullman has to leave to report on WAR! Tragic moppet Crutchy (I KNOW) gets beaten up and thrown in CHILD PRISON! Jack didn't even tell David his REAL NAME!
Pulitzer threatens David, so Jack agrees to work for him and attempts to send David away for his own good, where 'send him away' means 'shove him up against a wall and say things like "I don't have anyone tucking me in at night . . . like you."'
Betrayed, David demonstrates his character development by taking over leadership of the strike and becoming incrementally scruffier.
Until Jack sees him in TROUBLE and jumps to his RESCUE and then they all run off to print a secret newspaper and lead all the oppressed children of New York on strike! Uh, at least the ones who can read.
Deus ex Teddy Roosevelt! Tragic moppet Crutchy is free! The Newsies rule! Pulitzer drools! Jack decides to abandon his dreams of Santa Fe and stay with his Jacobs family harem! AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING.
Except for Christian Bale, who apparently has never recovered from the trauma of being forced to sing, dance, and wear a ridiculous cowboy hat for the length of a film . . . and also those of us who, forever warped, can now pick random extra Newsies such as Specs, Skittery, Itey, and Bumlets out of a lineup.
So that was the long version! If you want the short version, just go watch this most glorious vid of all time.
But before I write it up, it strikes me that those poor unfortunate souls who did not grow up on the 1992 SERIOUS HISTORICAL DISNEY MOVIE about SINGING NEWSBOYS headed by BATMAN might wish to know what our basis for comparison is! So, tomorrow, NEWSIES, THE MUSICAL; today, NEWSIES, THE PRIMER.
Baby Christian Bale is a cowboy-obsessed REBEL who leads a gang of singing, dancing newsboys!
Then he meets cranky, comes-from-a-real-family, went-to-school-and-everything David Jacobs and his cute little brother Les. They have an escaping-from-the-law meet-cute, Jack invites David to be his partner, David invites Jack home to meet his family and also to stay nights at his place . . .
Then EVIL PULITZER decides to charge Newsies more for their papers so Jack and David take their partnership to the next step by putting David's brains and Jack's
It involves probably rather more than the usual number of pelvic thrusts and chest bumps.
Bill Pullman pops in to be their slightly creepy newspaper mentor who writes articles about the strike, buys them food, and occasionally purchases a full set of Newsies from the local judge.
Also deeply important to the strike and to the film: SPOT CONLON, undisputed lord of the Brooklyn Newsies, commander of the wharf of shirtlessness, and most badass scrawny thirteen-year-old in ALL THE WORLD. Everyone else in the movie trembles and hang upon his every word and it is AMAZING.
In between, Jack, pursuing a 'gotta catch 'em all' philosophy with regards to the Jacobs family, attempts a romance with David's sister Sarah. Unfortunately she only has approximately five lines in the entire movie so one can only count him semi-successful.
But she still gets off with more dignity than fake-Swedish vaudeville star and part-time Newsies den mother Ann-Margret, singing such immortal lines as "My lovey-dovey baby, come coochie-coo with me."
Conflict! Newsies get ARRESTED! Bill Pullman has to leave to report on WAR! Tragic moppet Crutchy (I KNOW) gets beaten up and thrown in CHILD PRISON! Jack didn't even tell David his REAL NAME!
Pulitzer threatens David, so Jack agrees to work for him and attempts to send David away for his own good, where 'send him away' means 'shove him up against a wall and say things like "I don't have anyone tucking me in at night . . . like you."'
Betrayed, David demonstrates his character development by taking over leadership of the strike and becoming incrementally scruffier.
Until Jack sees him in TROUBLE and jumps to his RESCUE and then they all run off to print a secret newspaper and lead all the oppressed children of New York on strike! Uh, at least the ones who can read.
Deus ex Teddy Roosevelt! Tragic moppet Crutchy is free! The Newsies rule! Pulitzer drools! Jack decides to abandon his dreams of Santa Fe and stay with his Jacobs family harem! AND THERE WAS MUCH REJOICING.
Except for Christian Bale, who apparently has never recovered from the trauma of being forced to sing, dance, and wear a ridiculous cowboy hat for the length of a film . . . and also those of us who, forever warped, can now pick random extra Newsies such as Specs, Skittery, Itey, and Bumlets out of a lineup.
So that was the long version! If you want the short version, just go watch this most glorious vid of all time.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 01:09 pm (UTC)(Spot Conlon doesn't actually have a swordcane, but he has a cane that he uses like a swordcane anyway, just for dramatic effect.)
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 02:26 pm (UTC)They're great.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 02:26 pm (UTC)Also, ages ago you were talking about a nonfiction murder mystery kind of book? Maybe there was a locked room mystery? Or something, it was very ~mysterious and also nonfiction, IS THIS RINING ANY BELLS?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-12 06:46 pm (UTC)Also: yes! The book you are thinking of is The Suspicions of Mr. Whicher and I am very impressed with you for remembering a review I wrote last year. *laughing*
no subject
Date: 2011-10-13 11:30 am (UTC)