(no subject)

[skygiants]

IN OTHER OTHER NEWS: I have vowed I won't do any memes on tumblr that I don't do on DW too, because DW IS SO MUCH BETTER FOR IT, so:

Let’s play Burn Read Rewrite.
It’s like Kill Fuck Marry, but with books.

So, we've all played Kill/Fuck/Marry on here before, you know the drill, let's go! Let me know if you want me to give you three books back, after the three you give me. :D

Open all day tomorrow probably as well as tonight because, like, what else am I going to be doing except sitting on the couch attempting to be a good recovering invalid.

Comments

[rymenhild]

Books With Fabulous Ladies:

The Queen of Attolia, Code Name Verity, The Privilege of the Sword.

(I'd love one, but I may be coming and going over the next few days.)

[skygiants]

WOW. You don't go easy. ;__; OK. OK. Strict weeding-out of attachment here: ....I was going to say burn Privilege because strictly speaking I'm least attached, but actually, no, you know what, let's burn Queen of Attolia. HOW CAN I DO THAT, you ask. 'BECAUSE KING OF ATTOLIA will still EXISTS,' I answer. King is my favorite, and it will still exists, and Attolia will still be amazing in it. Knowing this, I can soldier on. My love for Queen is only really a shadow of my love for King anyway. (...the books. Not the characters. AS YOU KNOW.)

Then the rest is easy: rewrite Privilege so it has actual lesbians in it (WHBBWL!), and leave Code Name Verity as it is, because, like, what could I do to that book to improve it? Nothing. I could do nothing. Maybe somebody could. But not me.

And, for whenever you have the time, Austen edition: Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Emma!

[rymenhild]

Oh, absolutely, Privilege needs lesbians. *waves Katherine/Artemisia shipper flag*

Burn Emma immediately. She and her book are insufferable.

Keep Pride and Prejudice. I can't improve it.

Persuasion goes for a rewrite with more of Anne and Frederick. That denouement happens far too fast. Can't we see the two of them make up and get back together in detail?

Because I'm rereading the good parts of Kage Baker, against my better judgment:

Garden of Iden, Sky Coyote, Children of the Company.

[skygiants]

RYM WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND WHY. You're going to lead me down the path of destruction if you keep doing this. ;___;

Okay, though. I got this. Let's burn Sky Coyote! I enjoy Sky Coyote, but I feel in no way qualified to write the sketchy Native American stuff so as to make it not sketch, and, like, the series would totally survive without it. (...for better or for worse.) BURN SKY COYOTE.

Then read Garden of Iden and rewrite Children of the Company to be pretty much the same except that everything awful that happens after Children CAN'T POSSIBLY HAPPEN. There we go! FIXED.

And for you, in return: THE ANGSTBUCKET EDITION. The Game of Kings, Magic's Pawn, The Summer Tree. :D

[rymenhild]

Okay. So The Game of Kings is an objectively better book than Magic's Pawn, which is objectively awful. However, I imprinted hard on Magic's Pawn, while I bounced off The Game of Kings about twice before finally reading through and enjoying it. Then, of course, I read the rest of the Lymond books and lost my suspense of disbelief somewhere around That Chess Game.

I suppose one could theoretically rewrite The Game of Kings to have less Freudian everything and more Christian Stewart, who is better than Renaissance refrigerators and should not have been put in one. If Christian Stewart were there in the whole series, then we wouldn't have needed the plotlines of the Irish girl and the fourteen-year-old evil seductress and the equally young but precocious enough for Lymond Philippa and the celibacy migraines and the tortured children. But, you know what? I don't care. Burn The Game of Kings.

Keep The Summer Tree, which is still one of the best of GGK's work despite being one of his first book.

Rewrite Magic's Pawn so Tylendel doesn't die and Stefen isn't needed. Here are two AUs that improve the preexisting setup:

Renegotiations of Fate by recessional. Tylendel fails to commit suicide. He and Vanyel have a chance to grow up together. Tylendel ends up in Valdemaran intelligence, handling the complicated ethical issues that are too ambiguous for the perfectly virtuous Heralds.

Magic's Path by flamebyrd. At sixteen, Vanyel obeys his father instead of challenging his requests, so Vanyel doesn't get sent to Haven until he's twenty-two. This means that Tylendel doesn't have Vanyel's help in the feud, things with the feud are bad but don't go completely disastrous, and the two men can develop a stable relationship as adults instead of the canonical mess.

[lnhammer]

Nah -- rewrite Persuasion, yes, but do it expand it to the three-volume length originally intended instead of the two-volume deal cut short as Austen started to feel the mortality in her final illness.

---L.

[rymenhild]

That solves the problems that were bothering me. I'm for it.

[evewithanapple]

Guardian of the Dead, The Awakening, Witch Eyes

AND/OR

Alanna: the First Adventure, Wild Magic, First Test!

[skygiants]

I have read the first three WAY more recently so let's do that! Although .... it's hard .... OK THOUGH. Rewrite Witch Eyes, for sure. Witch Eyes: great in premise, unfortunately just plain not very coherent in practice. Is it hubris to think I could write a three-times better Witch Eyes? Yes. Yes it is. But regardless I would give it the good old college try.

Which makes it a challenging toss-up between The Awakening and Guardian of the Dead for read and burn. I like both of them! On the other hand, Guardian of the Dead certainly has its flaws ... but would the Darkest Powers series still stand tall without The Awakening? Yeah, I think it could. Not that nothing happens in The Awakening, but it is kind of middle-book-y, while Guardian not only stands alone but stands alone with one of the most prominent ace characters in fiction, so .... burn The Awakening, I think. Armstrong has like fifty million more books in print. She can take it.

[evewithanapple]

. . . you know, I was just about to say "but The Awakening is the LAST book in the series!" but then I checked and realized it was actually the middle one. D'OH.

(Also I would like three too!)

[skygiants]

ALL THE TITLES SOUND THE SAME. I had to check on Amazon. Anyway: ha, thwarted!

And, OK, for you ... for you. Lesbian edition! Fingersmith, Santa Olivia, Hexslingers (I read it all as one book, so it counts all as one book!)

[evewithanapple]

Well I haven't actually read Fingersmith, so that makes that easy: onto the pyre it goes! Which leaves me to rewrite Hexslingers (dear to my heart though it is, you're right, it could use some . . . um . . . fixing) and reread Santa Olivia, darling dystopia of my heart.

[skygiants]

How have you not read Fingersmith?!

[evewithanapple]

I don't know! I've actually never read any Sarah Waters. I am aware that this is a TRAGIC GAP in my reading catalogue, but since I've finished Emma Donoghue's books, I'll probably start with Tipping the Velvet.

I'd ask you about Emma Donoghue but I don't know if you've read any of hers, so: Fingersmith, Tipping the Velvet, Affinity!

[skygiants]

OK, joke's on me now: of all Sarah Waters' books, I've actually only read Fingersmith. >.> (Only one Emma Donoghue, also. I KNOW.) But I can still do this! So Fingersmith gets the read slot, obviously, because ... I love it and it's great. Burn Affinity because I hear it's super depressing, and rewrite Tipping the Velvet because, like, could I write an amazing book about lesbian music hall performers? YES I COULD. Would it be anything like Tipping the Velvet? PROBABLY NOT. But I could STILL WRITE THAT BOOK.

Let's go back to classics, now: Pride and Prejudice, Frankenstein, Les Mis!

[rymenhild]

Two out of three of these books are unknown to me. Tell me more.

[skygiants]

I wish I had more to tell you but I haven't actually read Santa Olivia yet! I know it's by the lady who wrote the Kushiel books and it's near-future semi-dystopia about wrestling lesbians. ... kickboxing lesbians? ... golfing lesbians? ... SPORTS LESBIANS. Anyway it's on my list!

As far as the Hexslingers books go, I provide you with three views of Hexslingers.

[luzula]

Boxing lesbians! Well, only one of them boxes, but whatever. I loved it, but I know others who didn't, so opinions are divided.

[evewithanapple]

Becca already linked to my post on Hexslingers, so I'll just cover Santa Olivia: it's sort of a dystopia, sort of a sports book and sort of a revolution book. It's set in a tiny border town that's been cordoned off from the rest of the world and put under military rule and this one girl who's born with superpowers thanks to a government experiment who teams up with her fellow orphans to DEFEAT THE MILITARY RULERS by dressing up as the town's patron saint and performing random acts of vandalism. Also, there is boxing for great justice.

[hebethen]

Since I've just read the newest of these, Cuckoo Song / Face Like Glass / Gullstruck Island [Lost Conspiracy]?

If you're feeling the meme-pep by the time this reaches your visual cortex, I'm in :)

[skygiants]

I was about to launch into wailing and gnashing of teeth upon reading this, but ... you know what, you could have made this so much harder. You could have included Fly By Night instead of Face Like Glass, which I love, but not to the same extent that I love the others, SO THERE. We can burn Face Like Glass. It'll hurt, but I'll survive the cut.

So: burn Face Like Glass. Which means ... rewrite ... god. The problem is I really do not have the skill to improve on either of these, and my sad fumblings would probably only destroy something precious, but I think ... she said hesitantly .... I think it might be possible ... to do a few things better ... re: Arilou? Oh god. This is one of those tales in hubris that is doomed to end in tragedy. Also, like, Gullstruck Island is still probably a better book and still probably Hardinge's actual best book. But I am still in the first flush of new love with Cuckoo Song and I genuinely cannot think of anything I want to change about it, so REWRITE GULLSTRUCK ISLAND IT IS, probably the worst decision I've ever made, but so it goes.

OK THANKS FOR THAT AGONY, have The Summer Prince, The Best Of All Possible Worlds, and The Killing Moon/Shadowed Sun duology.

[hebethen]

I can see improving Arilou's writing and I'm equally unable to pass judgment on Cuckoo Song at the moment myself, so I suppose you have masterfully balanced on the horns of dilemma. I take my hat off to you.

I can also see that you intend to return to me in equal measure whatever hardship that I have inflicted upon you. Hmm.

Well, I can't think of anything I could remotely want to change about Summer Prince, so that is safe for "read", I think. But then you are asking me to burn either Best of All Possible Worlds or the Dreamblood duology and ?????

:\

I mean, I guess burning a whole duology has greater negative impact than burning a single (non-doorstop) book, so I think that forces my hand for burning BoAPW (FORGIVE ME KAREN LORD PLS TO RITE MOAR BOOK) and rewriting TKM/SS... or at least nudging a revision of TKM/SS signaling some narrative distance from the cultural attitudes toward mental illness, because I certainly cannot write on the level of any of these authors.

a;sdf

[skygiants]

LEGIT. That would probably be my call too, I think. BoAPW has many wonderful qualities but I feel in my heart that Karen Lord has, like, ten even better books in her, just waiting to come out. I'M GOOD. I CAN WAIT.

[jain]

Shirley
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall
Wuthering Heights

And I'll take three, please!

[skygiants]

OK, here's my confession: I've actually read NEITHER Shirley NOR The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. I know! They've both been on my list for ages, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

That said ... I still feel OK burning Wuthering Heights. I have way more anticipation about reading both those books than I do about ever reading Wuthering Heights again. Onto the fire it goes! I know marginally more about Shirley, so let's do a child's-scrawl rewriting of Shirley, and save Tenant of Wildfell Hall to read untouched, because Anne is the least favorite Bronte and I would contrarily like her to be the most famous EVEN THOUGH I'VE NEVER READ ONE OF HER BOOKS.

OK, let's do: Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, The Life of Octavian Nothing, aaaand The Name of the Rose!

[bookblather]

Heyer edition!

The Talisman Ring
Sylvester
Sprig Muslin

And I would like some of my own, thank you! In fact I shall steal this meme.

[skygiants]

I'm laughing super hard because someone did almost exactly the same one over on LJ except with Talisman Ring swapped out for Cotillion. MY PREFERENCES ARE THE OPPOSITE OF SECRET.

That said, OK, this is still really hard. ;___; But I think it's going to shake out the same here as it did there -- burn Sprig Muslin, MUCH AS I LOVE IT, because the great things it does there are also other books that do that great thing well; rewrite Sylvester because to have more hilarious excerpts of Phoebe's novel and general writerly meta; and PRESERVE TALISMAN RING IN ITS PERFECTION.

And for you: Mercedes Lackey edition! The Fire Rose, Arrows of the Queen, aaaaaand Oathbound. :D

[kd7sov]

Hmmmm. How about... Fly By Night, The Dark is Rising, and The Secret Garden.

I'd love some response books, too.

[skygiants]

There are very few other circumstances in which my response is 'burn The Dark is Rising!' But in this particular instance, the path before me has been prepared; my only choice, unfortunately, is to burn The Dark is Rising.

Because I MUST rewrite The Secret Garden, I know exactly how to do it (racial and colonial awareness! change the end so Colin doesn't weirdly become the protagonist! KEEP THE FOCUS ON MARY ALL THE WAY) and I refuse to mess with Fly By Night. People keep trying to make me do it, and so far I have resisted! I won't do it! I can't do it!

For you: Harry Potter edition! Sorcerer's Stone, Prisoner of Azkaban, Goblet of Fire, GO.

[kd7sov]

For the record, I wasn't actually trying to make you do anything to Fly By Night; I just put down the first three books that I both know you're familiar with and could remember the titles.

Now then, Pottering... Goblet is on the read pile, as it's my single favorite in the series. I think Stone would get the rewrite, since it ought to set up so many future things that it doesn't properly. Which means Azkaban gets burned. Sorry, Sirius.

[lacewood]

I was going to do the Hardinge version but someone's already done that so I guess I will have to just compile a list of all previous winners and see what happens:

Fly-by-Night, The King of Attolia and The Crown of Dalemark GO

[skygiants]

This is becoming some hilarious kind of ultimate tournament. WHAT WILL BECCA THROW UNDER THE BUS FIRST?

The problem here is that I love Fly By Night THE MOST, but taking away either King of Attolia or Crown of Dalemark is essentially destroying a whole series and not just one book! So for the greater good ...

... for the greater good, I still can't do it. Burn King of Attolia. I said it! BURN KING OF ATTOLIA. Then run despair-cackling through the night before rewriting Crown of Dalemark to be the equivalent of FOUR Crowns of Dalemark, and LEAVE FLY BY NIGHT UNTOUCHED TO READ FOREVER.

[jinian]

I am so glad I susbscribed to this post.

[lacewood]

I'M VERY SORRY I MADE YOU BURN KING, I JUST... HAD TO FIND OUT...

[themadpoker]

Crossdressing girls edition! The first Jacky Faber book/Alanna the First Adventure/Twelfth Night.

(Can you tell towards the end suddenly the only crossdressing examples I could think were movies and anime? I mean I could have claimed the manga edition for say Hana Kimi but that seems like cheating somehow)

And I would like three books back!

[skygiants]

This is actually harder than I thought it was going to be. Because I LOVE Jacky Faber best of all of these, but in terms of THE HISTORICAL DEVELOPMENT OF THE CROSSDRESSING GIRL OVER TIME, it's ... kind of ... the most expendable. I'm so sorry, Jacky. I'm so sorry. You have to go.

Then rewrite .... I want to rewrite them both! This is actually harder than picking which to burn. But let's rewrite Twelfth Night and have the power to change the face of crossdressing history for all time. Is that too much power for one woman to have? YES. But we'll indulge my megalomania anyway.

And then maybe Alanna will sort of end up rewritten just by the course of the historical forces in motion? Or it can stay as-is, I guess.

For you, I have no such compunctions about using manga! Sailor Moon, Ouran and Skip Beat, please. :D

[themadpoker]

Oh my God, this is the definition of playing hardball. T_T I...I can't believe I'm saying this but burn Ouran? IT'S OKAY, THE ANIME STILL EXISTS AND IN SOME WAYS I BELIEVE THE TRUE SPARKLE OF OURAN CAN ONLY BE CONVEYED IN ANIMATION. Sailor Moon is too important to the development of shoujo as a whole and I can't stand the thought of betraying Kyoko like that. Her sad eyes!

That was painful. I didn't realize what I was volunteering for when I joined this game!

Leave most of Skip Beat untouched but rewrite the later arcs to move away some from Ren's manpain and bring back the humour (I have nothing against Ren! He got dealt a rough lot sure! But I miss descending into uncontrollable laughter with every new volume of Skip Beat)

Sailor Moon can stay exactly as is. :D I literally grew up on the show, it would probably warp the time-space continuum and also my personal development to change anything of the manga. The only iteration I might change some is bringing the English dub more in line with the original source, and what do you know, that's already happening this year! \o/

[skygiants]

I'M FEELIN' MEAN, everyone's been trying to see how far I will go to defend Fly By Night! (The answer is: all the way. ALL THE WAY.)

That said, this is a valiant answer, and I respect it (and would seize the opportunity to rewrite Skip Beat in exactly the same way.)

[lnhammer]

The Tale of Genji
The Story of the Stone (aka A Dream of Red Mansions)
The Book of a Thousand Nights and One Night

---L.

[skygiants]

I know very little about Story of the Stone other than the fact that it exists! So I think, alas for me and my ignorance, I have to burn it to save face. Then no one will ever know how little I know about Story of the Stone.

Read Tale of Genji; even though I haven't read it yet I feel obscure like I ought not to meddle with it out of respect for Lady Murasaki (and a prurient interest also in Murasaki v. Shonogon.)

Which leaves me rewriting Thousand and One Nights, which is what I would have wanted to do anyway, really. So much scope to play around! Also, I mean ... everyone's already done it anyway ... so it's not like I could do worse ....

[lnhammer]

There certainly are centuries of tradition of rewriting it! "Ali Baba," "Sinbad," et cet.

---L.

[skygiants]

EXACTLY. And could I do better than Richard "needs a sex scene here! Oh, needs another sex scene there! How about we just make it straight-up porn?" Burton? YES, YES I PROBABLY COULD.

[lnhammer]

Would it be wrong of me to admit I think Burton's version needs more sex?

And more cross-dressing, but that's another issue.

---L.

[skygiants]

I mean everything does need more cross-dressing.

[sandrylene]

Heh, I think I'm going to go at this from the other direction.

Sing the Four Quarters, Fifth Quarter and No Quarter.

I'll happily try to respond coherently in return, but be aware any book I re-write is going to turn into a concept album instead, because I have no literary chops. :P

[skygiants]

HAHAHA OH MAN. Um .... I have to say .... oh god, I feel so shamed, but ... burn Sing the Four Quarters. EVEN THOUGH IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST ONE. I mean, it is almost certainly the best one. But the other two have brought me so much entertainment that there's no way I can sacrifice them. SORRY, SING THE FOUR QUARTERS. Sometimes virtue is not its own reward.

Rewrite No Quarter so Karlene gets a ladyfriend instead of having to spend two books pining over Vree ... and read Fifth Quarter. We can't mess with Fifth Quarter. It's just -- there's something so magical about it. Fifth Quarter is a national treasure.

(But any rewrite of No Quarter ABSOLUTELY MUST preserve the greatest line in the series, "That's not love, that's masturbation!")

For you: Pratchett edition! (Because I would love to see the Pratchett concept album.) Guards, Guards, Lords and Ladies, or Soul Music. :D

[sandrylene]

Heh, I can appreciate your priorities. :P And I would totally read the rewrite. Though I'm not sure you're exactly on the mark in terms of what "great" means...

So for the Pratchetts, Lords and Ladies is already kind of in the realm of the album we've been writing, so I think I'll take that one as the obvious one to rewrite. Besides, playing fairies who have goals counter to humanity's has become one of my favourite things in the past year or so (and the elves seem close enough). SO much room for scenery chewing. It's great! Also TBH I have no idea how I could write/compose enough about the Guards to replace an entire book. I'd run out, and then there'd be 2 days worth of muttering "but nothing rhymes with 'Carrot' anyway!" and other such ridiculousness.

Soul Music is one of my favourites in the whole series. I have a Susan-shaped soft spot. I dunno. I think I'd definitely go with read for that, to keep it as is.

So I suppose in conclusion, I'm burning Guards, Guards? Oh dear. This doesn't seem like a sound life choice, but I'm sticking with it. Aie.

[sophia_sol]

okay so a) you have had some VERY EXCITING life goings-on of late and I missed being prompt in commenting because I've been largely away from the internet but I just wanted to register my wow-and-glad-you're-okay!

and b) I am heroically restraining myself from giving you a list of three anne mccaffrey books right now :P

[skygiants]

a.) aww, thanks! haha there is no need to apologize, there is no need for the internet to revolve around my exciting life goings-on :D

b.) OH GOD. I mean. Shati already gave me Dragonsdawn over on tumblr. WHY REFRAIN, IT CAN'T GET WORSE THAN THAT