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Jun. 15th, 2008 05:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsSo.
I seem to have acquired a diploma-shaped thing.
O.O!!!!!!!!
Guys, if you want to give me a graduation present, leave me drabble prompts please! It's a long flight home tomorrow, and a longer few weeks after that as that whole Real World Terror thing starts to hit, and so write-y distractions would be useful for both.
I seem to have acquired a diploma-shaped thing.
O.O!!!!!!!!
Guys, if you want to give me a graduation present, leave me drabble prompts please! It's a long flight home tomorrow, and a longer few weeks after that as that whole Real World Terror thing starts to hit, and so write-y distractions would be useful for both.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2008-06-16 01:22 am (UTC)uh.... five times Jayne and Lilly accidentally got married (and one time they did it on purpose!)
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Date: 2008-06-23 02:25 am (UTC)1. Jayne and Lilly were neither of them terribly surprised when River drifted across the room, announced, “I pronounce you man and wife,” and floated off into the corridor. Part of this, admittedly, was because they had both drunk quite a lot by this point, but mostly it was just because they were both used to River.
They were slightly more surprised the next day when they stumbled into the kitchen the next morning, bleary-eyed, and saw an extremely confused Simon eyeing a package that Mal had just given him. “But I don’t understand,” he was saying. “Why would River be receiving mail from the –” He squinted. “Electronic Correspondence College for Shepherds?”
“Open it and see,” suggested Mal, busy with his breakfast of scrambled protein and ketchup.
“I suppose they want money,” muttered Simon, sliding the sheet out of its wrapper, “but I can’t see –”
He broke off, staring down at the paper with its glowing letters.
“What?” said Mal, coming to squint over his shoulder.
“But River’s not even religious!” said Simon, as Mal’s eyes bugged out of his head.
“Tell me I’m dreamin’,” said Mal. “Tell me it don’t say right there that your crazy sister can perform weddings.”
“It can’t be legal,” said Simon.
“I ain’t havin’ any more surprise weddings on my ship,” said Mal.
River chose this moment to stick her head around the lintel of the door. “Forming ka-tet,” she informed them all, with a seraphic smile. “Part of the job.”
“She thinks ‘cause she’s part of a secret gun club, she got to make herself a priest?” demanded Mal, after a moment to translate this.
“I suppose Roland did marry Eddie and Susannah, in a way,” said Simon, “but that doesn’t mean –”
River’s smile faltered a little. “I serve the Light,” she said, rather severely.
Jayne and Lilly looked at each other in dawning horror. As the conversation started to grow more heated, each made a silent resolution to say absolutely nothing.
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Date: 2008-06-23 02:46 am (UTC)“You don’t need to make such a big deal about it,” Lilly said, rolling her eyes. “Come on, I’ve been accidentally married like a million times before, it is not exactly earthshaking. We’re in the Philippines! On vacation! Don’t be such a spoilsport.”
“Yeah, well, I ain’t got no plans to go home to my momma and tell her I got hitched to a dead girl,” Jayne said. “Or got pregnant with a squid or sent back in time to Earth-that-Was or what have you. There’s things happen when you’re about, Lil, you ain’t a safe person to know.”
This tickled Lilly’s interest, and she smiled, rather flirtatiously. “Are you saying you’re scared of me, Jayne?”
“Like hell!” said Jayne, stung. “I just got a healthy respect for my health. As is healthy.”
Lilly took a long draft from the cup in front of her on the mat. “Well, if you insist. I mean, more for me here. But it’s really good, I’m telling you. Though –” She stopped, rolling the liquid thoughtfully around in her mouth. “It is kind of strong, I guess. If you’re worried you can’t take it without, like, getting so drunk that you start crying or something, I totally understand –”
Jayne scowled at her for a few long moments, and then snatched the cup from her hand and drained it.
Immediately, the people next to them started applauding.
“Uh,” said Lilly. “I mean, I guess that was a pretty full cup, but, you know, I’ve seen college boys chug more than that, and you can’t tell me college boys never come to the Philippines.
The tourist next to her laughed. “No, of course not! That’s the Batak wedding cup! Our tour guide told us all about this quaint tradition, don’t you remember? So charming, don’t you think?”
“Um,” said Lilly, a deer-in-the-headlights look coming into her eyes.
“What,” said Jayne.
“Congratulations!” said the tourist happily, and took another sip of her coconut daiquiri.
As Jayne started expounding on the subject of exactly where the tourist could shove her congratulations, the Batak tour guide, whose foot Lilly had stepped on early in the trip, stood in the shadows in the back and laughed until her sides split.
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Date: 2008-06-23 03:28 am (UTC)“Oh, I had to drug him to get him home,” Lilly explained. “He was going to make an awkward scene.”
“Oh?” Puck leaned back against the wall and raised his eyebrows, looking intrigued and delighted. “Do explain, before I burst of curiosity.”
Lilly heaved a sigh and stretched, in the process letting Jayne thump to the ground. “It was this whole thing with a Batak wedding cup, and now we’re accidentally married again – don’t even ask me about the first time – and I’m pretty sure I got the village elder to do the divorce ceremony, but it’s not like I speak Batak so it’s not like I could tell for sure. And at first Jayne wouldn’t stop shouting long enough to let him do it so finally I got someone to give him a tranquilizer, and then when that didn’t work I knocked him over the head with a chair, and honestly, I am getting kind of sick of this whole marriage thing, you know?”
“I must protest,” said Puck, rather coldly.
“Present husband excepted,” Lilly added hastily.
Puck looked ever so slightly mollified. “When it comes to this lout,” he admitted, “I entirely understand your feelings.”
“Please,” Lilly said, seizing her opportunity and looking at her fairy husband with large and pathetic eyes, “please help me get him back up to my suite? He weighs more than that My Little Pony I had to drag across a field that time. I’ll look after the twins tomorrow for you if you help.”
Puck opened his mouth, and then shut it again, looking thoughtful. “Well,” he agreed, with a sudden simmering air of smugness, “that does seem reasonable.” He eyed Jayne with some distaste, but bent down to grab his legs.
“Thank you thank you thank you,” said Lilly, as they started maneuvering around corners. “You are the best –” She pushed the suite door open with her elbow. “Fairy husband –” She backed through the door and dropped Jayne’s head on the end of the nearest sofa; Puck followed suit by placing the feet at the other end. “Ever,” Lilly concluded, and let herself collapse into a seated position on top of Jayne’s stomach, looking utterly exhausted.
“Not at all,” said Puck, politely. “But in fairness I should warn you that, since you have now essentially clobbered the oaf over the head and brought him home with you, I believe that you have now claimed him as your bride by the marriage rituals of several prehistoric cultures. And now, darling wife, I bid you good e'en. I shall leave the twins with you at seven in the morning tomorrow, yes?” He waved and sauntered out the door, whistling to himself.
Lilly stared after him, but could not quite muster up the energy to give chase. Next time she saw him, though, she promised herself, she would kill him. Or at least make sure he didn’t have a good hair day for weeks.
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Date: 2008-06-24 01:40 am (UTC)It was, therefore, something of a surprise to Lilly when Jayne showed up at her door one day, wearing a suit and a sullen scowl.
“You owe me,” he said, as soon as she opened the door.
“I do not,” said Lilly.
“You do,” said Jayne. “You knocked me over the head with a chair, and I reckon that gets me somethin’.”
“I knocked you over the head with a chair because you were being a public menace,” said Lilly, “and while normally I’m cool with that kind of behavior, in this case you deserved it.”
“You’re the one as got us –” began Jayne, but Lilly forestalled him.
“Um, if this is going to go on for another –” She checked her watch. “Hour, then I’ve got an appointment already, so could we just pretend we did the mutual recriminations already and skip ahead to what you actually want?”
Jayne glared down at his shoes and muttered something incomprehensible.
“You’ve got bagels in your head?” translated Lilly, brow furrowed.
Jayne transferred his glare up to Lilly, and snarled,, “I gotta bring a girl to my ma’s wedding. Else I won’t get no kinda peace while I’m there, she’ll spend the whole time tryin’ t’marry me off to Mabel with the lazy eye.”
Lilly rubbed her forehead. “Okay, this is all starting to sound way too much like a bad romantic comedy.”
“You owe me,” said Jayne, stubbornly; then went on, with an attempt at coaxing, “’sides, you’re the best-lookin’ girl I know. And it ain’t like anyone got to know you’re all corpsey on the inside.”
******
Lilly looked in front of her at the large and patient Shepherd, and then behind her at the large and angry mob led by Jayne’s large and extremely irate grandmother.
“You had to tell her we weren’t married,” she muttered.
“I couldn’t tell my ma I got married and didn’t invite her!” Jayne hissed back.
“I actually think that might have gotten a better reaction!”
“Go on!” shouted Mrs. Cobb the elder, waving a menacing pitchfork. “I won’t have any grandson of mine leadin’ a nice young girl into sin!”
The preacher opened his book and began to read the ceremony.
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Date: 2008-06-24 01:57 am (UTC)“Yeah,” said Jayne, “and them hats ain’t bad either.”
“They are kind of pretty,” Lilly agreed, and tilted her head. “Want me to get you one?”
Jayne laughed, feeling expansive and at peace with the world. “Why the hell not?”
Lilly grinned and disappeared for a little bit. When she came back, she had one flower chaplet on her head and another in her hand. “Hold still –”
“Wait,” said Jayne, putting up a hand to stop her. “I got a kind of a memory about this. Somethin’ about –”
“Whatever,” said Lilly, “just let me put the hat on you,” and she fitted it onto his head, just as Jayne remembered why this was all so familiar and started to shout, but it was all too clearly too late –
Jayne sat up straight in his bed, still shouting.
There came a banging from the wall, and a dim echo of a voice. “SHUT THE HELL UP, THERE’S PEOPLE TRYIN’ TO SLEEP!”
Jayne was too shaken even to curse back. He shut up and clutched Vera to himself for comfort.
This whole thing had got to stop.
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Date: 2008-06-24 05:12 am (UTC)I LOVE THESE! I lovelovelove the way you write Lilly, I love the situations, I love the ELECTRONIC CORRESPONDENCE COURSE FOR SHEPHERDS, I love JAYNE TAKING LILLY TO HIS MA'S WEDDING (!?!), and I love OUR MRS. COBB AND AND AND
*runs out of words, flails, adores*
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Date: 2008-06-25 02:40 am (UTC)6. “Okay, so we been hitched, what, three times now -”
“Four,” murmured Lilly.
“What?”
Lilly hastily turned her attention back to Jayne, eyes open wide. “What? I didn’t say anything.”
Jayne gave her a suspicious look out of narrowed eyes, but went on. “I got a kinda feeling this ain’t liable to stop any time soon. Seems like there’s a whole ‘verse full a folk just waitin’ to get the next chance to spring a weddin’ ceremony on us and then laugh their asses off. We gotta come up with a plan.”
There was an expectant pause.
“And?” said Lilly, after a wait of about a minute.
“Comin’ up with the plan, that’s your job,” Jayne said, in tones of mild startlement. “My job’s beatin’ up anyone who tries to stop us goin’ through with the plan what you come up with.”
Somehow, Lilly’s eye-rolling muscles always seemed to get a tremendous workout when she was with Jayne. “Of course. Okay, give me a few moments, all right?”
“I got time.” Jayne leaned back in his chair and folded his arms behind his head.
Lilly tapped her fingers on the table, thinking.
Jayne yawned, and then went to sleep.
Half an hour later, he was rudely awakened by Lilly poking her fingers into his stomach. “Hey! I’ve got a plan.”
“Hngh?” Jayne sat upright, grabbed Lilly’s arm with one hand and his pistol with the other, and then relaxed when he saw who it was. “Yeah?”
“Ow,” said Lilly, and pulled her arm back, shaking it. “That hurt. Okay, you want to make sure we don’t get caught with any more surprise marriages, right?”
“Don’t you?”
“Well, I don’t really care about the marriages,” Lilly said. “If I was going to freak out every time this happened, I’d spend –” She did a few mental calculations. “Let’s just say more time than I can allot for freaking-out time. I’ve got a lot on my plate, you know.”
“Yeah,” said Jayne, “them whores don’t run themselves.”
“Exactly!” Lilly nodded earnestly. “Not to mention the paper and the twins. So it’s not being married to you I mind, it’s the way everyone thinks it’s hilarious every time it happens. That’s what bothers you too, right?”
“I guess,” said Jayne, though he didn’t look entirely convinced.
“Well then,” said Lilly. “Here’s the plan. We get Puck to kidnap the Pope –”
“Pope?”
“He’s, like, the me of religion,” Lilly explained, and, when Jayne still looked blank, elaborated, “most important and most fabulously dressed. And when we’ve got the Pope here, we invite everyone we know, and get gorgeous outfits and maybe a rabbi and a couple bishops for good measure and we get married so hard-core that –”
“Hey!” Jayne sat straighter in his chair. “Thought the point was we didn’t want no more surprise marriages.”
“Yes,” said Lilly, “which is why this one won’t be a surprise. I mean, it’s obvious that the universe – not to mention all our so-called friends – aren’t going to stop marrying us, so we’ve just got to do it first and better, and then they’ll all have to leave us alone!” She aimed a bright smile in Jayne’s direction. “It’s brilliant, right?”
“It ain’t,” said Jayne, “the kind of plan I had in mind.”
“Yes,” said Lilly, “and that’s why you left the plan-making to me. But if anyone tries to stop us getting married this time, you can totally beat them up.”
At this, Jayne looked a little brighter.
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Date: 2008-06-25 02:41 am (UTC)***
The Pope had tried in vain to explain to the determined young people that marriage ceremonies were not really a normal part of his duties, but the young lady had just said, “But you’re, like, a super-priest, aren’t you? So if we get married by you we’re like ten times as much married,” and when he tried to answer that, the large man had said, “Is he tryin’ to stop us gettin’ married, Lil?” with a rather dangerous and unnervingly anticipatory gleam in his eye, and after that the Pope had stopped protesting.
When the other young man had introduced himself as the young lady’s husband, and then proceeded to introduce someone who might or might not have been his significant other but certainly handled a knife significantly with the arm not holding the baby, the Pope had decided that smiling and nodding his way through these bemusing hours was really the best plan.
And really it was most likely all a dream anyways, he told himself, and besides, if the young lady and the large man were pleased with their irregular marriage ceremony, and did not mind when the Protestant minister got into a knock-down fight with the Mormon preacher while the rabbi cheered from the sidelines, then who was he to judge?
He did wish they hadn’t taken the Popemobile for a honeymoon car, though – but, “I’m sorry,” the young lady had said, “but Batman wouldn’t lend the Batmobile, so this is the next most fabulous thing.” And by that time, it had hardly seemed wise to protest to anything at all.
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Date: 2008-07-15 11:01 pm (UTC)*weepy with joy!*
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Date: 2008-07-16 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 09:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 05:28 pm (UTC)AND YOU.
YOU ARE MY FAVORITE.
MY FAVORITE AND I CANNOT BREATHE FOR LAUGHING.
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Date: 2008-07-16 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-16 11:47 pm (UTC)Geesh, I just came here to read mine and they are all so much fun.
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Date: 2008-07-17 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-08 01:47 am (UTC)THE POPE.
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Date: 2008-08-08 02:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-08 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-08 03:01 am (UTC)...I wonder, can Raguel legally marry people? *ponders innocently*
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Date: 2008-08-08 03:15 am (UTC)(Belated congratulations, by the way!)
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Date: 2008-08-08 03:33 am (UTC)That is just- Oh God, Becca. I am dying of joy over here.