(no subject)
Apr. 9th, 2026 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsMade a extremely silly decision this past weekend, which was to break up our long drive to and from Philly by Exactly long enough to see one (one) show in NYC on the way down, and another on the way back. Literally put the car in a garage by the theater, went into the show, got the car out of the garage, and kept driving. And to make matters even sillier the show that we saw on the way down was Bad -- and we knew it was going to be! Or at least we had a reasonable suspicion! But were we not going to go out of our way to see Norm Lewis play Villefort in a Count of Monte Cristo musical? Of course we were. The path before us had simply been prepared.
Q: When you say it was bad, do you mean it was a bad musical as a musical, or a bad adaptation of Count of Monte Cristo?
A: Oh, both! Absolutely both.
Q: What made it a bad musical?
A: Well, the music. And the lyrics. They hit exactly every beat on the Musical Sheet while constantly feeling like less subtle knockoff versions of other songs you might know slightly better. The song you might know slightly better is not a subtle one, you say? Well, I guarantee you that songs such as "Dangerous Times," in which the full cast explain that they are living in dangerous times, and "How Did I Get So Far Away [From Me]," in which Mercedes sadly wonders how she has gotten so far away from herself, are less so. When the best you can say of a song is that it felt like pallid diet Frank Wildhorn -- as in, lacking the noted power and vibrancy of real Frank Wildhorn, composer of such deathless works as Death Note: The Musical -- then you know we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. And that's not even mentioning the frenetic stream of mediocre jokes.
Q: And what made it a bad adaptation?
A: I mean I know there are probably people in the past who have said that Edmond Dantès literally did nothing wrong but I want you to understand: in this show, Edmond Dantès literally does nothing wrong. His backstory takes up the entire first act, and by the time we hit intermission I was already like "huh, there's not going to be a lot of time in here for revenge schemes," but I didn't actually understand how dire the situation was going to be until Villefort politely shoots himself at the beginning of Act II --
Q: Wait, what?
A: VILLEFORT POLITELY SHOOTS HIMSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF ACT II. Literally the first thing that Dantes does after escaping the Chateau D'If is show up at Villefort's doorstep to be like "you're a bad guy" and Villefort is like "I know! And I feel bad!" and shoots himself IMMEDIATELY. After politely explaining to Dantes that he has no family! I never thought I'd miss Valentine Villefort so much!
Q: Okay, but Dantès has still got three other people to get revenge on --
A: Well, two.
Q: What?
A: Caderousse has been upgraded to Disney comedy sidekick. He and his comedy shrew wife go on comedy family vacation with Dantès and Mercedes at the end of the show. We're not getting revenge on Caderousse.
Q: Okay so he's got TWO other people to get revenge on --
A: Yes! Technically, yes. Fortunately he is able to do this in the course of one afternoon tea party. He does briefly flirt with the idea of killing Albert but obviously once Mercedes reveals that Albert is his secret son he abandons the whole vengeance idea so they can, as aforementioned, go on family vacation together.
Q: Fernand does not stand in the way of this situation? Doesn't Edmond at least kill Fernand?
A: Oh, no, Fernand also at this point politely shoots himself.
Q: Well ... okay. How about the cast? Was the cast good at least?
A: Norm Lewis did his job, which is to be a tortured baritone! And he did it very well, and then shot himself early in the second act and presumably wandered off to put his feet up. Sierra Boggess (as Mercedes) (the most Disney heroine Mercedes you've ever seen) did her job! which is to be a Disney heroine, a thing she's very good at, and ditto ditto. Adam Jacobs as Edmond .... Adam Jacobs as Edmond. Well. After the show I was like "that guy played Marius on Broadway for SURE" and I've just now looked him up on Wikipedia and absolutely he did play Marius on Broadway. And I think he was probably a very good Marius. Unfortunately he was also playing Marius here, in the Count of Monte Cristo, when he was supposed to be playing the Count of Monte Cristo, so you can see the problem.
Q: Was anyone else involved in this production doing their job?
A: The set designer! I quite liked the set, which made good use of different areas of the stage while always having the big barred cell of the Chateau d'If looming in the middle of it. I tried to argue was deliberate and thematic and I should give them a point for it, and my companions, quite reasonably, said something along the lines of "do you think they know what a theme is." Which, fair. But perhaps the set designer knows what a theme is! Perhaps I can give the set designer that point.genarti meanwhile gave her point to the costume designer for some subtle period-appropriate touches in Act I, and then regrettably took it back in Act II when it turned out that the costume designer had spent all their money on subtle period-appropriate touches and not reserved any for Basic Petticoats.
Q: But wait! You've forgotten the most important question about a Monte Cristo: was Eugenie Danglars there? And, was she a lesbian?
A: GREAT question. Amazingly enough, given all the givens, yes and yes to both! She first appears in high-femme pink, she and Albert sing a peppy teen rom-com song about how they've been "exclusive" since they were fifteen but secretly they both kind of want to date around, and then Haydee appears to tell her sad story and single-handedly causes Eugenie to have a gay awakening and run away by herself in men's attire, with the full support of her loving father Danglars. And, you know, it's a far cry from book Eugenie, but Eugenie and Albert both immediately falling for Haydee while technically engaged to each other was a good joke! It landed! I wish Haydee and Albert had not ended up together --
Q: WHAT?
A: -- but anyway on this one element, if we're taking all the teeth out of the story anyway, you know what, they could have done worse.
Q: So do you regret your objectively silly decision to go out of your way to see this musical?
A: No I do not, not in the least, and I would have regretted missing it. There is something very nutritious in bad theater, I think. It forces you to consider what good theater might look like. Also, the surprise appearance of Lucrezia Borgia was one of the funniest things I experienced all weekend.
Q: When you say it was bad, do you mean it was a bad musical as a musical, or a bad adaptation of Count of Monte Cristo?
A: Oh, both! Absolutely both.
Q: What made it a bad musical?
A: Well, the music. And the lyrics. They hit exactly every beat on the Musical Sheet while constantly feeling like less subtle knockoff versions of other songs you might know slightly better. The song you might know slightly better is not a subtle one, you say? Well, I guarantee you that songs such as "Dangerous Times," in which the full cast explain that they are living in dangerous times, and "How Did I Get So Far Away [From Me]," in which Mercedes sadly wonders how she has gotten so far away from herself, are less so. When the best you can say of a song is that it felt like pallid diet Frank Wildhorn -- as in, lacking the noted power and vibrancy of real Frank Wildhorn, composer of such deathless works as Death Note: The Musical -- then you know we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. And that's not even mentioning the frenetic stream of mediocre jokes.
Q: And what made it a bad adaptation?
A: I mean I know there are probably people in the past who have said that Edmond Dantès literally did nothing wrong but I want you to understand: in this show, Edmond Dantès literally does nothing wrong. His backstory takes up the entire first act, and by the time we hit intermission I was already like "huh, there's not going to be a lot of time in here for revenge schemes," but I didn't actually understand how dire the situation was going to be until Villefort politely shoots himself at the beginning of Act II --
Q: Wait, what?
A: VILLEFORT POLITELY SHOOTS HIMSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF ACT II. Literally the first thing that Dantes does after escaping the Chateau D'If is show up at Villefort's doorstep to be like "you're a bad guy" and Villefort is like "I know! And I feel bad!" and shoots himself IMMEDIATELY. After politely explaining to Dantes that he has no family! I never thought I'd miss Valentine Villefort so much!
Q: Okay, but Dantès has still got three other people to get revenge on --
A: Well, two.
Q: What?
A: Caderousse has been upgraded to Disney comedy sidekick. He and his comedy shrew wife go on comedy family vacation with Dantès and Mercedes at the end of the show. We're not getting revenge on Caderousse.
Q: Okay so he's got TWO other people to get revenge on --
A: Yes! Technically, yes. Fortunately he is able to do this in the course of one afternoon tea party. He does briefly flirt with the idea of killing Albert but obviously once Mercedes reveals that Albert is his secret son he abandons the whole vengeance idea so they can, as aforementioned, go on family vacation together.
Q: Fernand does not stand in the way of this situation? Doesn't Edmond at least kill Fernand?
A: Oh, no, Fernand also at this point politely shoots himself.
Q: Well ... okay. How about the cast? Was the cast good at least?
A: Norm Lewis did his job, which is to be a tortured baritone! And he did it very well, and then shot himself early in the second act and presumably wandered off to put his feet up. Sierra Boggess (as Mercedes) (the most Disney heroine Mercedes you've ever seen) did her job! which is to be a Disney heroine, a thing she's very good at, and ditto ditto. Adam Jacobs as Edmond .... Adam Jacobs as Edmond. Well. After the show I was like "that guy played Marius on Broadway for SURE" and I've just now looked him up on Wikipedia and absolutely he did play Marius on Broadway. And I think he was probably a very good Marius. Unfortunately he was also playing Marius here, in the Count of Monte Cristo, when he was supposed to be playing the Count of Monte Cristo, so you can see the problem.
Q: Was anyone else involved in this production doing their job?
A: The set designer! I quite liked the set, which made good use of different areas of the stage while always having the big barred cell of the Chateau d'If looming in the middle of it. I tried to argue was deliberate and thematic and I should give them a point for it, and my companions, quite reasonably, said something along the lines of "do you think they know what a theme is." Which, fair. But perhaps the set designer knows what a theme is! Perhaps I can give the set designer that point.
genarti meanwhile gave her point to the costume designer for some subtle period-appropriate touches in Act I, and then regrettably took it back in Act II when it turned out that the costume designer had spent all their money on subtle period-appropriate touches and not reserved any for Basic Petticoats. Q: But wait! You've forgotten the most important question about a Monte Cristo: was Eugenie Danglars there? And, was she a lesbian?
A: GREAT question. Amazingly enough, given all the givens, yes and yes to both! She first appears in high-femme pink, she and Albert sing a peppy teen rom-com song about how they've been "exclusive" since they were fifteen but secretly they both kind of want to date around, and then Haydee appears to tell her sad story and single-handedly causes Eugenie to have a gay awakening and run away by herself in men's attire, with the full support of her loving father Danglars. And, you know, it's a far cry from book Eugenie, but Eugenie and Albert both immediately falling for Haydee while technically engaged to each other was a good joke! It landed! I wish Haydee and Albert had not ended up together --
Q: WHAT?
A: -- but anyway on this one element, if we're taking all the teeth out of the story anyway, you know what, they could have done worse.
Q: So do you regret your objectively silly decision to go out of your way to see this musical?
A: No I do not, not in the least, and I would have regretted missing it. There is something very nutritious in bad theater, I think. It forces you to consider what good theater might look like. Also, the surprise appearance of Lucrezia Borgia was one of the funniest things I experienced all weekend.
