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Apr. 9th, 2026 10:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsMade a extremely silly decision this past weekend, which was to break up our long drive to and from Philly by Exactly long enough to see one (one) show in NYC on the way down, and another on the way back. Literally put the car in a garage by the theater, went into the show, got the car out of the garage, and kept driving. And to make matters even sillier the show that we saw on the way down was Bad -- and we knew it was going to be! Or at least we had a reasonable suspicion! But were we not going to go out of our way to see Norm Lewis play Villefort in a Count of Monte Cristo musical? Of course we were. The path before us had simply been prepared.
Q: When you say it was bad, do you mean it was a bad musical as a musical, or a bad adaptation of Count of Monte Cristo?
A: Oh, both! Absolutely both.
Q: What made it a bad musical?
A: Well, the music. And the lyrics. They hit exactly every beat on the Musical Sheet while constantly feeling like less subtle knockoff versions of other songs you might know slightly better. The song you might know slightly better is not a subtle one, you say? Well, I guarantee you that songs such as "Dangerous Times," in which the full cast explain that they are living in dangerous times, and "How Did I Get So Far Away [From Me]," in which Mercedes sadly wonders how she has gotten so far away from herself, are less so. When the best you can say of a song is that it felt like pallid diet Frank Wildhorn -- as in, lacking the noted power and vibrancy of real Frank Wildhorn, composer of such deathless works as Death Note: The Musical -- then you know we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. And that's not even mentioning the frenetic stream of mediocre jokes.
Q: And what made it a bad adaptation?
A: I mean I know there are probably people in the past who have said that Edmond Dantès literally did nothing wrong but I want you to understand: in this show, Edmond Dantès literally does nothing wrong. His backstory takes up the entire first act, and by the time we hit intermission I was already like "huh, there's not going to be a lot of time in here for revenge schemes," but I didn't actually understand how dire the situation was going to be until Villefort politely shoots himself at the beginning of Act II --
Q: Wait, what?
A: VILLEFORT POLITELY SHOOTS HIMSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF ACT II. Literally the first thing that Dantes does after escaping the Chateau D'If is show up at Villefort's doorstep to be like "you're a bad guy" and Villefort is like "I know! And I feel bad!" and shoots himself IMMEDIATELY. After politely explaining to Dantes that he has no family! I never thought I'd miss Valentine Villefort so much!
Q: Okay, but Dantès has still got three other people to get revenge on --
A: Well, two.
Q: What?
A: Caderousse has been upgraded to Disney comedy sidekick. He and his comedy shrew wife go on comedy family vacation with Dantès and Mercedes at the end of the show. We're not getting revenge on Caderousse.
Q: Okay so he's got TWO other people to get revenge on --
A: Yes! Technically, yes. Fortunately he is able to do this in the course of one afternoon tea party. He does briefly flirt with the idea of killing Albert but obviously once Mercedes reveals that Albert is his secret son he abandons the whole vengeance idea so they can, as aforementioned, go on family vacation together.
Q: Fernand does not stand in the way of this situation? Doesn't Edmond at least kill Fernand?
A: Oh, no, Fernand also at this point politely shoots himself.
Q: Well ... okay. How about the cast? Was the cast good at least?
A: Norm Lewis did his job, which is to be a tortured baritone! And he did it very well, and then shot himself early in the second act and presumably wandered off to put his feet up. Sierra Boggess (as Mercedes) (the most Disney heroine Mercedes you've ever seen) did her job! which is to be a Disney heroine, a thing she's very good at, and ditto ditto. Adam Jacobs as Edmond .... Adam Jacobs as Edmond. Well. After the show I was like "that guy played Marius on Broadway for SURE" and I've just now looked him up on Wikipedia and absolutely he did play Marius on Broadway. And I think he was probably a very good Marius. Unfortunately he was also playing Marius here, in the Count of Monte Cristo, when he was supposed to be playing the Count of Monte Cristo, so you can see the problem.
Q: Was anyone else involved in this production doing their job?
A: The set designer! I quite liked the set, which made good use of different areas of the stage while always having the big barred cell of the Chateau d'If looming in the middle of it. I tried to argue was deliberate and thematic and I should give them a point for it, and my companions, quite reasonably, said something along the lines of "do you think they know what a theme is." Which, fair. But perhaps the set designer knows what a theme is! Perhaps I can give the set designer that point.genarti meanwhile gave her point to the costume designer for some subtle period-appropriate touches in Act I, and then regrettably took it back in Act II when it turned out that the costume designer had spent all their money on subtle period-appropriate touches and not reserved any for Basic Petticoats.
Q: But wait! You've forgotten the most important question about a Monte Cristo: was Eugenie Danglars there? And, was she a lesbian?
A: GREAT question. Amazingly enough, given all the givens, yes and yes to both! She first appears in high-femme pink, she and Albert sing a peppy teen rom-com song about how they've been "exclusive" since they were fifteen but secretly they both kind of want to date around, and then Haydee appears to tell her sad story and single-handedly causes Eugenie to have a gay awakening and run away by herself in men's attire, with the full support of her loving father Danglars. And, you know, it's a far cry from book Eugenie, but Eugenie and Albert both immediately falling for Haydee while technically engaged to each other was a good joke! It landed! I wish Haydee and Albert had not ended up together --
Q: WHAT?
A: -- but anyway on this one element, if we're taking all the teeth out of the story anyway, you know what, they could have done worse.
Q: So do you regret your objectively silly decision to go out of your way to see this musical?
A: No I do not, not in the least, and I would have regretted missing it. There is something very nutritious in bad theater, I think. It forces you to consider what good theater might look like. Also, the surprise appearance of Lucrezia Borgia was one of the funniest things I experienced all weekend.
Q: When you say it was bad, do you mean it was a bad musical as a musical, or a bad adaptation of Count of Monte Cristo?
A: Oh, both! Absolutely both.
Q: What made it a bad musical?
A: Well, the music. And the lyrics. They hit exactly every beat on the Musical Sheet while constantly feeling like less subtle knockoff versions of other songs you might know slightly better. The song you might know slightly better is not a subtle one, you say? Well, I guarantee you that songs such as "Dangerous Times," in which the full cast explain that they are living in dangerous times, and "How Did I Get So Far Away [From Me]," in which Mercedes sadly wonders how she has gotten so far away from herself, are less so. When the best you can say of a song is that it felt like pallid diet Frank Wildhorn -- as in, lacking the noted power and vibrancy of real Frank Wildhorn, composer of such deathless works as Death Note: The Musical -- then you know we're scraping the bottom of the barrel. And that's not even mentioning the frenetic stream of mediocre jokes.
Q: And what made it a bad adaptation?
A: I mean I know there are probably people in the past who have said that Edmond Dantès literally did nothing wrong but I want you to understand: in this show, Edmond Dantès literally does nothing wrong. His backstory takes up the entire first act, and by the time we hit intermission I was already like "huh, there's not going to be a lot of time in here for revenge schemes," but I didn't actually understand how dire the situation was going to be until Villefort politely shoots himself at the beginning of Act II --
Q: Wait, what?
A: VILLEFORT POLITELY SHOOTS HIMSELF AT THE BEGINNING OF ACT II. Literally the first thing that Dantes does after escaping the Chateau D'If is show up at Villefort's doorstep to be like "you're a bad guy" and Villefort is like "I know! And I feel bad!" and shoots himself IMMEDIATELY. After politely explaining to Dantes that he has no family! I never thought I'd miss Valentine Villefort so much!
Q: Okay, but Dantès has still got three other people to get revenge on --
A: Well, two.
Q: What?
A: Caderousse has been upgraded to Disney comedy sidekick. He and his comedy shrew wife go on comedy family vacation with Dantès and Mercedes at the end of the show. We're not getting revenge on Caderousse.
Q: Okay so he's got TWO other people to get revenge on --
A: Yes! Technically, yes. Fortunately he is able to do this in the course of one afternoon tea party. He does briefly flirt with the idea of killing Albert but obviously once Mercedes reveals that Albert is his secret son he abandons the whole vengeance idea so they can, as aforementioned, go on family vacation together.
Q: Fernand does not stand in the way of this situation? Doesn't Edmond at least kill Fernand?
A: Oh, no, Fernand also at this point politely shoots himself.
Q: Well ... okay. How about the cast? Was the cast good at least?
A: Norm Lewis did his job, which is to be a tortured baritone! And he did it very well, and then shot himself early in the second act and presumably wandered off to put his feet up. Sierra Boggess (as Mercedes) (the most Disney heroine Mercedes you've ever seen) did her job! which is to be a Disney heroine, a thing she's very good at, and ditto ditto. Adam Jacobs as Edmond .... Adam Jacobs as Edmond. Well. After the show I was like "that guy played Marius on Broadway for SURE" and I've just now looked him up on Wikipedia and absolutely he did play Marius on Broadway. And I think he was probably a very good Marius. Unfortunately he was also playing Marius here, in the Count of Monte Cristo, when he was supposed to be playing the Count of Monte Cristo, so you can see the problem.
Q: Was anyone else involved in this production doing their job?
A: The set designer! I quite liked the set, which made good use of different areas of the stage while always having the big barred cell of the Chateau d'If looming in the middle of it. I tried to argue was deliberate and thematic and I should give them a point for it, and my companions, quite reasonably, said something along the lines of "do you think they know what a theme is." Which, fair. But perhaps the set designer knows what a theme is! Perhaps I can give the set designer that point.
genarti meanwhile gave her point to the costume designer for some subtle period-appropriate touches in Act I, and then regrettably took it back in Act II when it turned out that the costume designer had spent all their money on subtle period-appropriate touches and not reserved any for Basic Petticoats. Q: But wait! You've forgotten the most important question about a Monte Cristo: was Eugenie Danglars there? And, was she a lesbian?
A: GREAT question. Amazingly enough, given all the givens, yes and yes to both! She first appears in high-femme pink, she and Albert sing a peppy teen rom-com song about how they've been "exclusive" since they were fifteen but secretly they both kind of want to date around, and then Haydee appears to tell her sad story and single-handedly causes Eugenie to have a gay awakening and run away by herself in men's attire, with the full support of her loving father Danglars. And, you know, it's a far cry from book Eugenie, but Eugenie and Albert both immediately falling for Haydee while technically engaged to each other was a good joke! It landed! I wish Haydee and Albert had not ended up together --
Q: WHAT?
A: -- but anyway on this one element, if we're taking all the teeth out of the story anyway, you know what, they could have done worse.
Q: So do you regret your objectively silly decision to go out of your way to see this musical?
A: No I do not, not in the least, and I would have regretted missing it. There is something very nutritious in bad theater, I think. It forces you to consider what good theater might look like. Also, the surprise appearance of Lucrezia Borgia was one of the funniest things I experienced all weekend.
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Date: 2026-04-10 03:18 am (UTC)DID SHE KILL ANYONE.
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Date: 2026-04-10 03:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2026-04-10 03:19 am (UTC)Wowwwww.
...that's all I got.
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Date: 2026-04-10 04:34 am (UTC)and the friend we went with was like "Oh I thought that was just blatant pandering to the current moment," at which point it occurred to me that probably no one who had not spent quite a while steeped in the nerdery mines about early 19th century French history would catch that most of those attempts anyway, especially given how hamfisted they were.
(Also somewhere in the 19ish-years-forward timeskip from Dantes' 1815 arrest to the heavily condensed "this entire revenge plot seems to have taken three business days" back half in which most people's sleeves gesture confusedly at the entire 19th century at once, the ensemble sings The king is dead, long live the king and I had to work very hard to not hiss WHICH KING??? DID YOU MEAN IS OUSTED BY THE GLORIOUS DAYS OR-- at my seatmates, so it's entirely possible I'm giving the writer too much credit in assuming the freedom-of-the-press joke was in fact a historical one. Ah well.)
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Date: 2026-04-10 03:25 am (UTC)Anyway I do agree with you that I think the set designer knows what a theme is! Possibly not what subtlety is, but on the other hand, this was not the show for that, and Dumas is not necessarily the author for it anyway.
I was thinking at the end of it that perhaps I should finally read The Count of Monte Cristo now that I'd had the whole plot spoiled for me by a bad musical, and then learned that in fact I had not REMOTELY had the plot spoiled for me on account of how they changed nearly everything. Welp! (As you know I am still thinking it though.)
Pour one out for the subtle period-appropriate touches of costuming, though. I do think the costumer was trying! I think they were undercut by budget and possibly by higher-ups, but they were trying! Half a point. Half a point for Caderousse's Incroyable waistcoat and Mercedes's 1830s sleeves.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2026-04-10 04:28 am (UTC)YES TO THIS. And this review is great, and that's without my having encountered any other version of Count of Monte Cristo.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 04:45 am (UTC)I don't know what made me lose it more, pallid diet Frank Wildhorn (!!) or Villefort POLITELY SHOOTING HIMSELF or Marius as the Count of Monte Cristo (?!) or Haydee and Albert (!?) or the surprise appearance of Lucrezia Borgia! but. well. WOW! But also Eugenie!
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 07:54 am (UTC)Q: Fernand does not stand in the way of this situation? Doesn't Edmond at least kill Fernand?
A: Oh, no, Fernand also at this point politely shoots himself.
Fernand shooting himself is, indeed, how he dies in the novel. At no point do Edmond and Fernand ever fight, despite adaptation after adaptation giving them a duel. Edmond's revenge on Edmond consists entirely of ruining his reputation first via the papers and then via Haydee testifying to the truth about what Fernand did to her father, then Mercedes and Albert leave Fernand, then he shoots himself.
Mind you, if this musical makes Albert into Edmond's secret son, then it's likely the writers never read the book anyway and took the awful Disney movie as a source. :(
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 09:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 06:51 pm (UTC)Based on the presence of a revenger's ballad for Edmond called "Hell to Your Doorstep," I think we can bet on it.
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Date: 2026-04-10 11:03 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2026-04-10 12:38 pm (UTC)They really committed to the bit of "Edmond Dantes did nothing wrong" but also WHAT a bit to commit to in a musical adapting a story about Edmond Dantes painstakingly planning the deaths of everyone who ever wronged him and also their entire families.
Started laughing Villefort politely shot himself and kept laughing all the way through THE SURPRISE APPEARANCE OF LUCREZIA BORGIA WHAT.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2026-04-10 02:58 pm (UTC)Sweet.
And it was at this point, dear Reader, that I finally and unequivocally facepalmed.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-10 07:10 pm (UTC)INCREDIBLE.
This endeavor sounds like it was basically fanfic done by someone for whom Edmond Dantès was their poor blorbo who had done nothing wrong in his entire life, and instead of being posted on AO3 it somehow got made into a musical.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2026-04-11 02:06 am (UTC)Pallid Frank Wildhorn is a hell of a phrase and I salute you. Thank you for watching this so I know that, despite Norm Lewis, there is no good reason to watch this.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-11 03:15 pm (UTC)Yes, yes indeed. Thank you for reporting back on this for the rest of us, you have done a public service.
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-11 04:25 pm (UTC)I thought the play was going for Eugénie/Haydée for a moment there. That could have been fun.
So, does Lucrezia Borgia do all the poisoning instead of Mme de Villefort...?
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Date: 2026-04-11 07:31 pm (UTC)Lucrezia Borgia's murders are of course the source of the Abbe Faria's treasure!
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Date: 2026-04-12 05:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-12 08:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-04-16 12:51 am (UTC)I was about to say that unfortunately Haydee/Albert is a Thing in Monte Cristo adaptations recently but then I got SPECTACULARLY derailed by that thought. Going to check the comments for any kind of explanation.
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Date: 2026-04-16 12:54 am (UTC)