(no subject)

[skygiants]

Did you guys know that back in, like, 1982, Tim Burton did a retelling of Hansel and Gretel for Disney?

I did not know! At least, not until obopolsk and I went to check out the Tim Burton exhibit at the NY MOMA on Sunday. Now . . . I kind of wish I did not know. (Then why am I telling you about it? Because apparently Tim Burton has destroyed the only other copy - and one can see why - so unless you go to the MoMA you will never get to see it, and some trauma must be shared.)

They were showing the film on one of those small art museum screens in a little alcove and there were a bunch of people of varying ages apparently riveted, so we wandered over. By the time we got there, Hansel was being held prisoner in a white room and menaced by a terrifying small two-dimensional clown puppet explaining that it was made out of gingerbread and Hansel should eat it. (The clown did not look like it was made out of gingerbread.)

Hansel looked dubious, but took a couple of bites of the clown and then rebelled. The clown flew into a rage, gyrated, and sang, "DO YOU WANT MY BODY? EAT ME!" Hansel looked justifiably traumatized and SO DID WE.

We flashed briefly on the witch (a man in drag) informing Gretel that she was going to eat her brother. The set here was also white, with one very Tim Burton-ish cardboard stove. The clown head yelled at Hansel some more to finish eating him; Hansel threw it on the ground and it shattered, to everyone's great relief. Then Hansel got pulled up to the other all-white set and Hansel and Gretel and the witch suddenly got into a swordfight. The white walls started bursting and splattering multicolored pus all over everyone. "Why are they now playing paintball?" asked obopolsk. This was an excellent question to which there appeared to be no answer.

(All the actors, by the way, were Japanese. This may have been a laudable early attempt at Disney diversity, or it may have been because Tim Burton wanted to have the witch's broom turn into a pair of nunchucks. Which happened.)

Eventually the witch charged into the cardboard oven. The house started collapsing and there was a lot more multicolored goop. The kids ran outside and shuffled behind a two-dimensional cardboard boat that carried them back to their father; he apologized for kicking them out of the house and sending them out into the woods to be eaten by a cannibalistic witch and traumatized by a terrifying clown puppet, and suggested he make it up to them by making spaghetti. We did not think this seemed like adequate amends. Then everyone started floating in the air and making stoned and beatific expressions.

"I think this is a metaphor," I said, "for how high everyone at Disney must have been when they green-lit this film."

In conclusion: Tim Burton, I do not blame you for destroying this film, and I am going to have nightmares. WHAT GINGERBREAD CLOWN PUPPET?

Comments

[blacksheep91.livejournal.com]

That just sounds...like I need to see it too believe it.

[skygiants]

Believe me when I tell you that you should NOT REGRET that you will never get the opportunity.

[wickedtrue.livejournal.com]

I AM NOW TRAUMATIZED AS WELL.



...*eyes* Was there any orange?

[skygiants]

OF COURSE THERE WAS. Orange goo bursting out of the walls of the house! And all over most of the cast as well.

[wickedtrue.livejournal.com]

I KNEW IT.


This is how you know the face of Trauma. It is orange.

[skygiants]

I'm pretty sure the clown was partly orange too, but I was too busy mentally shrieking GET AWAY FROM ME TERRIFYING CLOWN that I could not say for sure.

[jezrana.livejournal.com]

Interestingly enough, I did know that, because I recently checked out a library book about Tim Burton that starts with his early work for Disney!

...That book IN NO WAY sufficiently communicates THE HORROR you have just described.

[skygiants]

. . . now I am curious to know what it said. AND HOW IT COULD POSSIBLY JUSTIFY IT.

[jezrana.livejournal.com]

I'll have to check when I get home, but I think it just talks about the technical aspects and how it shows early signs of Tim Burtonness.

(The book is actually pretty disappointing so far because the guy who wrote it is a HUGE fan and basically just talks about how TIM BURTON IS SO GREAT and his movies are SO GREAT and his critics JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM AND HIS GREATNESS, and I mean obviously I like Tim Burton, too, which is why I'm reading about him, but YEESH.

So if the author were to read this post, he would probably just tell you that disturbing clown puppets and multicolored pus are part of Burton's GREAT ARTISTIC VISION and you JUST DON'T GET IT.)

[skygiants]

If by 'early signs of Tim Burtonness' they mean 'ability to convey UTTER HORROR,' then that is totally correct!

(Awww, that is disappointing. It is okay to be a fan and still use your critique glasses, guys! Really!

. . . though now I kind of hope he does show up here to try and defend it. BECAUSE I DON'T SEE HOW IT IS POSSIBLE.)

[oneechan19.livejournal.com]

... wow. That's about the only response I have to that.

[skygiants]

It was about the only response we had too. (Our response probably should have been 'flee in terror', but we were frozen with shock!)

[spence-reid.livejournal.com]

AAAAH! Oh my gosh...I half want to see that and half want to spend half an hour scrubbing the part of my brain that contains the info that this movie exists with bleach.

[skygiants]

THE SECOND HALF IS THE WISER HALF. Trust me. :O

[genarti]

...There are not enough ellipses in the WORLD.

[Edited because WRONG HONEY ICON.]

[skygiants]

[hahahaha I got the LJ-notif with the wrong icon first. I WAS GOING TO SAY.


. . . . but Honey probably would eat the terrifying gingerbread man. @_@]

[genarti]

Gingerbread and cookies and swee~~~~~~ts! :D :D :D

Yeah he would.

[skygiants]

Mori would blame himself for not sufficiently defending Honey against terrifying gingerbread people. ;_;

[obopolsk.livejournal.com]

I've been trying to erase the memory of this from my brain since Sunday with very little success. Am still traumatized. I think the gingerbread clown was the worst bit.

On further reflection, it was also weird how many little kids were watching it and how many parents were just letting them. I would have been like, okay kids, time to go, Mommy's terrified!

[skygiants]

I still can't believe they actually had the clown say "DO YOU WANT MY BODY." Like, even if you were very high, Tim Burton, that is still awful!

Yeeeeeah I do not often believe in censorship of things for children. BUT THAT, I WOULD CENSOR.

[agentclaudia.livejournal.com]

THAT WAS THE BESTEST EXHIBIT EVAR I went to see it over Christmas break. But yeah, the bits of that movie I caught were terrifyingly trippy. o.O

[skygiants]

The exhibit itself was definitely awesome! We spent two or three hours there, which is a lot longer than I usually spend in a single art exhibit. (I think my favorite part is how they collected and displayed, like, Tim Burton's ninth-grade essays. EARLY CHILDHOOD GENIUS?)