skygiants

For pretty much every request on the Fannish Top Fives, you can take it as a given that my reaction falls affectionately somewhere on the spectrum between "you know well how to play to the judge" and "YOU ARE ALL WEIRDOS." *laughing*

Okay, Top Fives #1, from

nevacaruso: top five crossover characters you'd like to see Akio seduce, and why. (So basically, after going quite happily for several years without posting at all about Akio's seduction habits, this journal has apparently become ALL AKIO SEDUCTION, ALL THE TIME. I am sorry! I promise after this no more posts about Akio sexin' for a very long time.)

I limited myself for this to canons which I had not already written up in this dream crossover list, because redundancy! Which did help me narrow it down a little.

Honorable Mention #6: Mr. Cat, Princess Tutu

genarti suggested this one! It is a brilliant suggestion that did not make it into the top five for two reasons: one, it's a crossover I've already talked about, and two, I am pretty sure that given the tragic tropes of Mr. Cat's life, he is the one person that Akio would not actually deign to seduce. Poor Mr. Cat. :(

#5: Alphonse Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist

So I waffled on which FMA character to put here; I was seriously tempted by Izumi, because of the joyous image of Izumi and Sig tag-teaming to slam-dunk Akio into the ground. But in the end, Al won out due to the mental image of Akio draping himself seductively around a metal suit of armor that has not yet in fact noticed he's even there, and the sheer hilarity of Al's awkward metal face as dawning awareness of Akio's sketchitude slowly transforms his usual geniality into 'WTF IS THIS.' I am pretty sure that Akio's mysterious powers of hormones do not work on people who are made of metal. (And then Mei Chan appears and delivers Akio a flying kick of great justice, so we still get Akio getting slam-dunked into the ground! Everybody wins.)

#4: Ida, The Middleman

The beauty of this is that Ida would totally string him along - hey, it's a hot shirtless dude with a motorcar! She may be an android, but she has eye-circuits, as witness her fondness for Middleman!Kevin Sorbo - and then relentlessly squash him for the lulz. Also, see above, re: Akio's mysterious seduction powers running into hilarious android FAIL.

#3: Shawn Spencer, Psych

By contrast, Akio's seductions would totally work on Shawn, but the result of this is that Shawn would just follow Akio around being really really annoying at him all the time, which is exactly what Akio deserves. (Let's face it, if Shawn Spencer has a superpower, it's the power of being more annoying than ANYONE. There is no power in the world that can get Shawn Spencer to shut up when he is on a roll. No, not even the power to bring the world revolution.)

#2: Nanny Ogg, Discworld

If there is anyone who can beat Akio on his own ground, it is Nanny Ogg. Nanny is totally happy to distract Akio while Granny and Anthy get into the most epic glasses-glinting headology battle of all time, and the sex god of Ohtori will not know what hit him. I don't even know who's seducing who, I just know that the world might not survive it.

#1: The Old Spice Man

Seriously, you guys, is this or is this not the ultimate perfect match? They have so many common interests! They could spend all day together lounging around shirtlessly and smelling like romantic millionaire jet fighter pilots. They're on a horse. The planetarium projector is now DIAMONDS.