(no subject)

[skygiants]

For pretty much every request on the Fannish Top Fives, you can take it as a given that my reaction falls affectionately somewhere on the spectrum between "you know well how to play to the judge" and "YOU ARE ALL WEIRDOS." *laughing*

Okay, Top Fives #1, from nevacaruso: top five crossover characters you'd like to see Akio seduce, and why. (So basically, after going quite happily for several years without posting at all about Akio's seduction habits, this journal has apparently become ALL AKIO SEDUCTION, ALL THE TIME. I am sorry! I promise after this no more posts about Akio sexin' for a very long time.)

I limited myself for this to canons which I had not already written up in this dream crossover list, because redundancy! Which did help me narrow it down a little.



Honorable Mention #6: Mr. Cat, Princess Tutu

genarti suggested this one! It is a brilliant suggestion that did not make it into the top five for two reasons: one, it's a crossover I've already talked about, and two, I am pretty sure that given the tragic tropes of Mr. Cat's life, he is the one person that Akio would not actually deign to seduce. Poor Mr. Cat. :(



#5: Alphonse Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist

So I waffled on which FMA character to put here; I was seriously tempted by Izumi, because of the joyous image of Izumi and Sig tag-teaming to slam-dunk Akio into the ground. But in the end, Al won out due to the mental image of Akio draping himself seductively around a metal suit of armor that has not yet in fact noticed he's even there, and the sheer hilarity of Al's awkward metal face as dawning awareness of Akio's sketchitude slowly transforms his usual geniality into 'WTF IS THIS.' I am pretty sure that Akio's mysterious powers of hormones do not work on people who are made of metal. (And then Mei Chan appears and delivers Akio a flying kick of great justice, so we still get Akio getting slam-dunked into the ground! Everybody wins.)



#4: Ida, The Middleman

The beauty of this is that Ida would totally string him along - hey, it's a hot shirtless dude with a motorcar! She may be an android, but she has eye-circuits, as witness her fondness for Middleman!Kevin Sorbo - and then relentlessly squash him for the lulz. Also, see above, re: Akio's mysterious seduction powers running into hilarious android FAIL.



#3: Shawn Spencer, Psych

By contrast, Akio's seductions would totally work on Shawn, but the result of this is that Shawn would just follow Akio around being really really annoying at him all the time, which is exactly what Akio deserves. (Let's face it, if Shawn Spencer has a superpower, it's the power of being more annoying than ANYONE. There is no power in the world that can get Shawn Spencer to shut up when he is on a roll. No, not even the power to bring the world revolution.)



#2: Nanny Ogg, Discworld

If there is anyone who can beat Akio on his own ground, it is Nanny Ogg. Nanny is totally happy to distract Akio while Granny and Anthy get into the most epic glasses-glinting headology battle of all time, and the sex god of Ohtori will not know what hit him. I don't even know who's seducing who, I just know that the world might not survive it.



#1: The Old Spice Man

Seriously, you guys, is this or is this not the ultimate perfect match? They have so many common interests! They could spend all day together lounging around shirtlessly and smelling like romantic millionaire jet fighter pilots. They're on a horse. The planetarium projector is now DIAMONDS.






. . . . so yeah, I'm done. But feel free to contribute your own top lolarious Akio seduction!

Comments

[evil-little-dog.livejournal.com]

I have no idea who this Akio fellow is, but your commentary is so full of win, I don't even care.

BECAUSE IT IS FULL OF WIN. \o/

[skygiants]

*giggling* I AM GLAD YOU WERE ENTERTAINED.

(Akio is . . . um. Well, here is a good summary! He is a character in Revolutionary Girl Utena. A VERY SPECIAL character.)

[nevacaruso.livejournal.com]

These are all made of win (IDA!), but my absolute favorite has to be the Old Spice Man, because I had the EXACT SAME THOUGHT when I saw that ad.

(You may have inspired me to make a list of my own, btw, because this is something that I think about Way Too Much.)

Thanks for such a hilarious answer to my prompt!

[skygiants]

Do iiiiit! I need to not be the only person filling my flist with ridiculous Akio crossovers. :D

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

I have to applaud your works of photoshop. Akio/Old Spice Guy is especially classic.

[skygiants]

Thank you! (In the end, when my dreams of being a great writer are revealed as the folly they are, this will be my legacy to the internet: terribly photoshopped romance novel covers and crossover Akio slash macros.)

[genarti]

I promise after this no more posts about Akio sexin' for a very long time.

...Becca. Becca, my dear.

Why do you say things like this to a flist who will take it as a challenge??

(I'm not planning to take up that challenge myself. I'm just saying.)

[skygiants]

Challenge me if you want! But no matter what my flist says, I am pretty sure that after this post I have fulfilled my lifetime Akio seduction quota. Possibly even SEVERAL people's lifetime quotas. AND I STAND BY THAT.

[shati.livejournal.com]

YOU MADE PICTURES. THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.

[skygiants]

IT'S A GOOD QUESTION. TO WHICH I HAVE NO ANSWER. UH.

[mercuriazs.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

You are my favorite person EVER.

[skygiants]

Akio seduces your flist!

. . . . I mean, in the metaphorical way. Because I think we ALL have better sense.

[sandrylene.livejournal.com]

1) You are evil.
2) I love you.

The Al and Akio interaction=dead Sandries. Too much hilarity - I overflowed.

[skygiants]

YOU'RE WELCOME. :D?

(Poor Al comes from a surprisingly sketch-free series! He is NOT USED to the personified bundle of sexual harassment that is Akio.)

[arefadedaway.livejournal.com]

I'm laughing so hard I'm genuinely crying. YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER.

[skygiants]

THANK YOU. >:D (The tears are now DIAMONDS?)

[blacksheep91.livejournal.com]

Gus responds: "Don't you get into that mysterious car with that greased up overly affectionate millionaire Shawn. Shawn! HE HAS NO REGARD FOR BOUNDARIES SHAWN!"

[skygiants]

*DIES* BUT NEITHER DOES SHAWN. They too have so much in common! And you know Shawn would thoroughly relish the opportunity to dramatically rip open his shirt at every opportunity. (Poor Gus, though. Poor, poor Gus.)

[moonyazu9.livejournal.com]

Do not know who Akio is (but I feel like I should after this post; is he from Revolutionary Girl Utena?), but this post is just made of awesome-possum and win. The Old Spice man is perfect for him…along with Mr. Cat. :D

[skygiants]

IT IS CLEARLY OTP. (He is indeed from Revolutionary Girl Utena, which I absolutely recommend! It's basically Princess Tutu's darker and more lesbian older sister.)

[ceitfianna]

Its been so long since I watched Utena but I love these posts. You rock.

[skygiants]

Hee, thanks! (Though I mean to keep to my vow of no more Akio mockery in my LJ for a while after this. I AM AKIO MOCK'D OUT.

. . . okay, that is never true, but there is only so much I can justify spamming my flist with it.)

[gramarye1971]

As soon as I saw Akio's name, I knew I would have to wait until I was home to reply to this so I could cackle aloud without startling my office.

*ships Akio/Old Spice Guy like BURNING*

*on a HORSE*

[skygiants]

HEE HEE. I am restraining so hard making a pun on 'burning.' (OLD SPICE GUY, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT'S BEEN.)

[silveraspen]

Akio/Old Spice Guy has made me collapse in a fit of laughter.

You win a thousand Internets.

[skygiants]

Thank you! :DDD I will use these thousand Internets . . . to build an anti-Akio barricade. *eyes Merc in terror*

[lacewood]

I have never watched Utena (though I have HEARD a fair bit about it) but AHAHA AKIO/AL. I'm sure Ed would be happy to tag-team Mei Chan in kicking that slimeball pervert in the face

Al: W-what is this? Is he?! I... I've never been seduced before...
Mei Chan: ALPHONSE-SAMA, MEI-CHAN WILL SEDUCE YOU ALL YOU LIKE, DO NOT SETTLE FOR THAT PERVERT, HE IS UNWORTHY!

Also oh my god Akio/Nanny Ogg. My eyes will never recover.

[skygiants]

The one cause that unites both Ed and Mei: DEFENDING AL'S HONOR. In a way, it's a good deed Akio's doing! It means Al's brother and his girlfriend (whether or not he's aware of that relationship) can bond. :D?

Nanny Ogg says ^_^

[elle-white.livejournal.com]

I am laughing so hard right now. You are awesome <3

Akio/Old Spice Guy just fits so incredibly well.

Akio and Nanny Ogg has blown my mind. I think she would definitely be able to Akio on his own ground, I'm rather tempted to write fic about it?!?

Nanny Ogg enthusiastically wrapped an arm around Akio's neck, making his knees buckle.

"This a cheeky one we have here! Got a nice arse too!" The old witch declared heartily.

The normally confident Akio was taken aback. He had never met anyone like her before. Akio lifted an eyebrow in surprise as he glanced at Anthy, who was smiling cheerfully at her older brother.

I apologize!

[skygiants]

aksjef;lkdjsasWHY APOLOGIZE FOR AWESOME. *DYING OF HILARITY* I ship it more and more with each passing moment!

[cupenny.livejournal.com]

THIS MADE MY DAY. SO MUCH.

[skygiants]

Then all my time spent staring at Akio's nipples was well spent! :DDDDD

If . . . still scarring. Uh.