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Mar. 22nd, 2011 11:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiantsI am so behind on booklogging I don't even know where to begin, but today we'll go with the most recent because it is relevant to current discussions in this LJ, which is to say: after the EXPERIENCE that was LOVE NEVER DIES, I decided it was high time to reread the original Phantom of the Opera!
Phantom of the Opera: Original Flavor is really two things: a.) Gaston Leroux's giant fan letter to the Paris Opera House (omg it's so COOL! and SHINY! and full of TRAPDOORS and SECRET LAKES and dude, this building is AWESOME! Which, honestly, it is, and Gaston Leroux's research and shiny-eyed enthusiasm about it is one of the best reasons to read the book) and b.) the tragic tale of an unfortunate woman stuck between two stalkers. I mean, let's look at our options here:
BACHELOR A: The Phantom of the Opera! Pros: Musical and architectural genius with a really sexy voice. Cons: Looks like a living corpse, convicted of multiple homicides, believes that true love means telling your girlfriend that you're an angel sent by her dead father and then kidnapping her until she's Stockholm Syndromed into liking you, and, if that doesn't work, threatening to blow up the whole opera house unless she marries you.
BACHELOR B: Raoul de Chagny! Pros: A childhood friend, and kind of cute in a (canonically) girly way. Cons: Has not yet learned that 'no' means 'no', believes that true love means breaking into the room of a girl you haven't spoken with since you were both twelve, stalking her every time she leaves the opera house despite the fact that she's given you negative encouragement, and accusing her of being a whore for having a singing teacher.
BACHELOR C: Philippe de Chagny! Pros: Rich, cute, beloved by his whole family, likes opera, approximately TEN TIMES as sensible as his younger brother. Cons: Only a candidate in the minds of popular gossip; does not actually have any interest in Christine, just in somehow convincing his idiot baby brother that ghosts do not actually exist. Also, by the end of the story, tragically dead.
BACHELOR D: The Persian! Pros: A sensible police officer, forcibly retired for having a conscience; the only character who manages to successfully accomplish anything in the story. Cons: Never actually a candidate, but if I were writing this book, let me tell you, he would be top of my list. (With Philippe de Chagny a close second.)
Given these options, Christine, quite sensibly, goes on and on about how she does not really want to marry anyone. Like, she's totally cool with ignoring Raoul until the Phantom is all "well if you ignoooore him that just means you liiiiiike him!" and then she is like "FINE, OKAY, I'll go hang out with Raoul!" And then they play around being fake engaged, ON THE STRICT UNDERSTANDING that they will never actually be married, okay? OKAY.
The most hilarious part, given how much the Phantom has become a symbol for romantic! passionate! forbidden! dangerous! love - is that our Erik actually really just wants to settle down and become a nice petit bourgeoise. I give you a quote: "Now I want to live like everybody else! I want to have a wife like everybody else and take her out on Sundays. I have invented a mask that makes me look like anybody. People will not even turn round to stare at me. You will be the happiest of women." (Christine: *DUBIOUSFACE*)
GRAND PASSION, GUYS. He's sick of being a dramatic opera genius, he just wants a nice little wife who will cook him dinner and they can go out for Sunday walks! Meanwhile, Christine is all "Seriously, I will never marry, I just want to go back to Sweden and commune with the musical spirit of my dead dad!" It's not because of his corpsy face that their love is doomed, guys, it's just that they have incompatible life goals. :(
(Another thing I enjoyed: the< completely random OTHER Opera Ghost who makes an appearance midway through the book for two pages and is never explained. Perhaps Maskerade was more faithful to the source than I thought!)
- and hahahaha okay, on a sidenote, going to Amazon and typing in "Phantom of the Opera" IS DANGEROUS. I have just discovered about THIRTY published retellings/sequels/ship manifestos that I never even knew existed. Chanson de l'Ange! Unmasqued: An Erotic Novel of the Phantom of the Opera! Letters to Erik: The Ghost's Love Story! Phantom, Out of the Shadows! Which is apparently different from Out of the Darkness: The Phantom's Journey AHHH THIS ONE SHIPS ERIK/MEG, IT'S A WHOLE SERIES! "Out of the Darkness continues the story of Sadie Montgomery's dark hero, his beloved Meg, and their stalwart friends Raoul and Christine." In later books the Phantom and Meg are apparently married with kids and FIGHT CRIME! AHHH AHHHH HEEEEEEEEELP. Save me from myself, tell me not to read these, IT IS A VORTEX FROM WHICH I MAY NEVER ESCAPE.
Phantom of the Opera: Original Flavor is really two things: a.) Gaston Leroux's giant fan letter to the Paris Opera House (omg it's so COOL! and SHINY! and full of TRAPDOORS and SECRET LAKES and dude, this building is AWESOME! Which, honestly, it is, and Gaston Leroux's research and shiny-eyed enthusiasm about it is one of the best reasons to read the book) and b.) the tragic tale of an unfortunate woman stuck between two stalkers. I mean, let's look at our options here:
BACHELOR A: The Phantom of the Opera! Pros: Musical and architectural genius with a really sexy voice. Cons: Looks like a living corpse, convicted of multiple homicides, believes that true love means telling your girlfriend that you're an angel sent by her dead father and then kidnapping her until she's Stockholm Syndromed into liking you, and, if that doesn't work, threatening to blow up the whole opera house unless she marries you.
BACHELOR B: Raoul de Chagny! Pros: A childhood friend, and kind of cute in a (canonically) girly way. Cons: Has not yet learned that 'no' means 'no', believes that true love means breaking into the room of a girl you haven't spoken with since you were both twelve, stalking her every time she leaves the opera house despite the fact that she's given you negative encouragement, and accusing her of being a whore for having a singing teacher.
BACHELOR C: Philippe de Chagny! Pros: Rich, cute, beloved by his whole family, likes opera, approximately TEN TIMES as sensible as his younger brother. Cons: Only a candidate in the minds of popular gossip; does not actually have any interest in Christine, just in somehow convincing his idiot baby brother that ghosts do not actually exist. Also, by the end of the story, tragically dead.
BACHELOR D: The Persian! Pros: A sensible police officer, forcibly retired for having a conscience; the only character who manages to successfully accomplish anything in the story. Cons: Never actually a candidate, but if I were writing this book, let me tell you, he would be top of my list. (With Philippe de Chagny a close second.)
Given these options, Christine, quite sensibly, goes on and on about how she does not really want to marry anyone. Like, she's totally cool with ignoring Raoul until the Phantom is all "well if you ignoooore him that just means you liiiiiike him!" and then she is like "FINE, OKAY, I'll go hang out with Raoul!" And then they play around being fake engaged, ON THE STRICT UNDERSTANDING that they will never actually be married, okay? OKAY.
The most hilarious part, given how much the Phantom has become a symbol for romantic! passionate! forbidden! dangerous! love - is that our Erik actually really just wants to settle down and become a nice petit bourgeoise. I give you a quote: "Now I want to live like everybody else! I want to have a wife like everybody else and take her out on Sundays. I have invented a mask that makes me look like anybody. People will not even turn round to stare at me. You will be the happiest of women." (Christine: *DUBIOUSFACE*)
GRAND PASSION, GUYS. He's sick of being a dramatic opera genius, he just wants a nice little wife who will cook him dinner and they can go out for Sunday walks! Meanwhile, Christine is all "Seriously, I will never marry, I just want to go back to Sweden and commune with the musical spirit of my dead dad!" It's not because of his corpsy face that their love is doomed, guys, it's just that they have incompatible life goals. :(
(Another thing I enjoyed: the< completely random OTHER Opera Ghost who makes an appearance midway through the book for two pages and is never explained. Perhaps Maskerade was more faithful to the source than I thought!)
- and hahahaha okay, on a sidenote, going to Amazon and typing in "Phantom of the Opera" IS DANGEROUS. I have just discovered about THIRTY published retellings/sequels/ship manifestos that I never even knew existed. Chanson de l'Ange! Unmasqued: An Erotic Novel of the Phantom of the Opera! Letters to Erik: The Ghost's Love Story! Phantom, Out of the Shadows! Which is apparently different from Out of the Darkness: The Phantom's Journey AHHH THIS ONE SHIPS ERIK/MEG, IT'S A WHOLE SERIES! "Out of the Darkness continues the story of Sadie Montgomery's dark hero, his beloved Meg, and their stalwart friends Raoul and Christine." In later books the Phantom and Meg are apparently married with kids and FIGHT CRIME! AHHH AHHHH HEEEEEEEEELP. Save me from myself, tell me not to read these, IT IS A VORTEX FROM WHICH I MAY NEVER ESCAPE.
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:43 pm (UTC)/enablenablenable
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:30 pm (UTC)(if it gets really bad, we will keep a hand at the level of your eyes so.. you cannot see the pages?)
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:36 pm (UTC)"When an accident strikes one of his children, Erik's emotional and violent reaction confirms the doubts that Dr. Richmond has planted in Meg's mind about her husband's sanity."
YOU THINK?!?!
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Date: 2011-03-22 08:57 pm (UTC)Bwahahaha. <3
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:44 pm (UTC)AHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 03:47 pm (UTC)(Also, +1 to the Persian being at the top of the list.)
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:52 pm (UTC)(He is the only person who is useful AT ALL in the whole story! ALSO I think the only one who expresses APPROPRIATE CONCERN at the fact that the Phantom is running around committing mass murder.)
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Date: 2011-03-22 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-22 11:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 02:07 am (UTC)*throws you a rope*
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Date: 2011-03-23 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 03:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 03:35 pm (UTC)THERE IS NO ESCAPE
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Date: 2011-03-23 03:36 pm (UTC)*Fleeees*
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Date: 2011-03-23 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 04:10 pm (UTC)(Maaan I am making headway on my review today. WHY did I type up every single note and take it point by point? WHY?)
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Date: 2011-03-23 04:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 05:36 pm (UTC)It is 3,500 words of incoherent flailing.
I... am going to proofread for all the HUNDREDS OF ERRORS.)
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Date: 2011-03-23 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-23 06:53 pm (UTC)