(no subject)

[skygiants]

It has been too long since I read wacky swashbuckling nineteenth-century fiction! Robert Louis Stevenson's The Black Arrow is a perfect (and hilarious) example of the type, involving a dim teenaged hero earnestly bouncing his way from side to side throughout the Wars of the Roses. The first third of the book involves the most hilarious cross-dressed heroine subplot I have ever read, because the hero is so oblivious. Seriously, it's incredible. Their journey is full of moments like this:

DICK: I would like passage across on the ferry for my friend John. I am helping him to escape peril that he is weirdly unspecific about except it has something to do with marriage and he gets very prickly when I talk about this girl Joanna that my evil guardian is going to make me marry even though I have never seen her!
FERRYMAN: . . . . your friend John. *CRACKS UP*
'JOHN': *looks awkward*
DICK: *blinks* John, you know what . . . I think that ferryboat driver thought you were a GIRL!
'JOHN': Uh. Really?
DICK: But I guess it's not that surprising. I mean, actually, dude, you're really girly-looking.
'JOHN': Um.
DICK: And you have really tiny hands . . .
'JOHN': Are you going somewhere with this?
DICK: And goodness knows you have no idea how to do Manly Things like ride or fight . . .
'JOHN': YES, AND?
DICK: There is only one possible conclusion! John, I am sorry, but you are a total wimp. It's okay, I like you anyways! You don't need to be manly to be my buddy.
'JOHN': And you don't have to have any brain cells to be mine, apparently! It's okay, though, you're still hot. I mean, manly. In a buddies way.

I also love the treatment of the Wars of the Roses, and by this I mean that the picking of Lancaster over York or vice versa is given exactly as much moral weight as it deserves.

IMPORTANT YORKIST LORD: So, Dick, about this civil war tearing our country apart. What side are you on?
DICK: Actually, uh, I've never really thought about it?
IMPORTANT YORKIST LORD: . . .
DICK: But I helped out a Yorkist earlier, so I guess I'm Yorkist!
IMPORTANT YORKIST LORD: Good! I will entrust you with Important Yorkist Papers now. Run off and deliver them and be a good boy.
DICK: . . . okay . . . .

Except after this, Dick finds some papers that incriminate one of his enemies for betraying Lancaster and secretly dealing with York. So off he scampers to deliver them to an important Lancastrian!

IMPORTANT LANCASTRIAN LORD: So what side are you on?
DICK: Funny enough, some guy asked me that just yesterday, and I picked York. So, go York? *waves tiny flag*
IMPORTANT LANCASTRIAN LORD: So . . . why are you trying to give me information about a lord who's betraying Lancaster for York?
DICK: Well . . . I think treachery is sort of bad in general? Um. Actually, I'm not even sure. What are the sides again?
IMPORTANT LANCASTRIAN LORD: *sighs*

So then, Dick scampers off again to go deliver the first set of Important Papers to Richard of Gloucester, aka the Duke of York! And then saves his life kind of by accident.

RICHARD OF GLOUCESTER: Thanks for saving my life. Hey, your name is Richard too? We should totally be buddies! Also, we're about to go conquer your hometown for York, want to come?
DICK: Uh. Sure?
RICHARD OF GLOUCESTER: By the way, I'm kind of a scary fanatical glory-hound with compensation issues and I don't believe in granting mercy. Just so you know. So I'll be a totally awesome king!
DICK: Maybe I should reconsider this whole 'voting York' thing . . . nah.

JOHN/JOANNA'S SPUNKY GIRLFRIEND: So - you just conquered a city for York and killed a whole bunch of my relatives.
DICK: . . . yeah . . .
JOHN/JOANNA'S SPUNKY GIRLFRIEND: And you thought this was a good idea WHY?
DICK: Actually I don't even know. But I feel kind of terrible about it now, if that helps! Also about the various other crimes that I committed over the course of the story that I thought were just normal swashbuckling activities but turned out to really screw a lot of people over.
JOHN/JOANNA'S SPUNKY GIRLFRIEND: Yeah, you're kind of a terrible person.
DICK: I'll go join a monastery if it will help?
JOHN/JOANNA'S SPUNKY GIRLFRIEND: No, I don't think it will. Also, John-Joanna will yell at me.
DICK: Well, anyways, screw this whole Wars of the Roses thing! Me and my boyfriend John - I mean, girlfriend, whom I still call John for reasons that will not be delved into - will just retire from the civil war, okay? We can do that, right?
ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON: Sure, kid. You do that. *pats his head*

Oh Robert Louis Stevenson. Never change!

Comments

[villainny.livejournal.com]

...that sounds like the most awesomest story ever.

[skygiants]

It was so amazingly hilarious I did not even care about RLS's Forced Medievalese. It is a swashbuckler that constantly subverts itself! Like, they steal a boat, and then afterwards Dick saves the life of the guy they stole the boat from and is like "So we're even now, right?" and the captain of the boat is like "SCREW YOU, if I'd had my friggin' BOAT I wouldn't have needed to be rescued in the first place, ASSHOLE, and neither would my crewmembers who just DIED," and glares off never to be seen again. And Dick is like "okay, stealing boats is now off the list of things that heroes are allowed to do D: D:"

[foreverdirt.livejournal.com]

"okay, stealing boats is now off the list of things that heroes are allowed to do D: D:"

Oh, oh, he sounds so amazingly adorkable.

[skygiants]

He SO IS. You just kind of want to ruffle his hair and hit im with a cluebat, except not even, because a.) it would not work and b.) if he got a clue it wouldn't be nearly so much fun to watch him flounder!

[genarti]

It is FABULOUS.

Dick is so earnest and dim and blundering. He's like a big chivalrous puppy!

And Joanna -- I mean, er, John -- alternates between facepalming in the background and being reluctantly won over into fits of girliness because he's so pretty she's won over by his manly charms, I dunno, and Joanna's cousin/girlfriend (she totally is) just headdesks at them all and steers them in sensible directions.

I love it.

[genarti]

Ahahahahahaha YES.

Was I the one who recced this to you, or did I tragically overlook it? Because I reread it this past year, and I remember thinking "I remembered the crossdressing, but I had completely forgotten how INCREDIBLY DIM Dick is. BECCA WOULD LOVE THIS."

Oh, RLS. It's so fabulous, is it not?

[skygiants]

:O You did NOT rec this to me, Gen! FAILURE. I read it because I found an ancient copy in my room that I'd always meant to read and never had!

It is genius. *giggling* DICK IS SO UNBELIEVABLY CLUELESS. The best part is how people keep hitting him with the cluebat, and he just kind of blinks and completely ignores them.

[genarti]

I thought I mentioned it in your giant post o' crossdressing YA! Maybe I only thought about it...

AND I KNOW. OMG. And everyone is like, "You're not too bright, are you, lad? Well, at least your heart's in the right place..."

I love the whole thing with his dad, too. "MUST AVENGE wait this is kinda awkward," and even that's after copious cluebats of MAYBE THERE WAS A LITTLE FOUL PLAY, KINDA, LIKE EVERYONE KEEPS MUTTERING UNDER THEIR BREATH ALL YOUR LIFE. PERHAPS.

[skygiants]

Imagining telling me about it is not the same as actually telling me about it! *giggling*

Oh man, I KNOW. It's so hilarious! It takes him half the book even to figure out that something sketchy was going on even after EVERYONE ELSE in the castle has been like, "Um, kid . . ." And then after all that at the end he doesn't even care! He's like "eh, revenge, whatever. I would rather have good times with my boygirlfriend."

[genarti]

I think you're just forgetting my rec, and blaming me for it! :O :O

And HA yes. Ohhhh, Dick. I mean, I love that he's conflicted! I love that it's not a simple "this guy who is evil killed my father because he is evil and did I mention he's irredeemable and slimy and evil." That said: oh DICK.

...Becca.

Becca, now I am picturing The Black Arrow with Ouran-style lightbulbs all through.

[skygiants]

I think you're rewriting history, my friend!

Oh, me too! And I love that he doesn't want any of the guy's soldiers to get hurt . . . even though he's completely useless at preventing it. Oh Dick.

. . . HAHAHAHA. Lightbulbs constantly going off over Dick's head that he just completely ignores? Or bats away with one hand!

[genarti]

Oh no, my friend! I think it is YOU who are unwarrantedly revisionist.

*giggles* Yes exactly. (I also like that there's a realistic death count through a) battle and b) STUPID STUFF. I come out of this book with no more idea of what the War of the Roses was about than I had previously, which sounds about right to me really.)

I was thinking more lightbulbs going off over everybody else's head. About, like, everything. And Dick is cheerfully oblivious! Until he gets his face smooshed in the facts, and he is (e.g.) staring at Joanna who is A GIRL, GOSH, IMAGINE THAT, WHOA DUDE, and we get the very quietly sarcastic lightbulb-flickering-on a la Tamaki.

[genarti]

PS. IMAGINE HIM IN MILLIWAYS.

[skygiants]

I only speak the truth! You know this! We have been over my magical sitar-like qualities before!


(And yes, I love that too - it's one of the things that makes me appreciate it as a Worthy as well as a Hilarious book!)

. . . man, I think Dick might even be MORE OBLIVIOUS THAN TAMAKI about life in general, and isn't that a terrifying thought? Also: HAHAHAHAHAHA. I think he would just . . . refuse to accept that it wasn't a normal bar. Like, people would be like "Look, IT'S MAGIC, OKAY" and he would be like "well . . . but I'm not sure . . ."

[genarti]

I know! Wouldn't it be glorious?

Becca. He could take all the women in modern clothes for men, too. THEY ARE WEARING PANTS, IF WEIRD ONES. CLEARLY THEY ARE MALE. JUST VERY GIRLY-LOOKING.

[skygiants]

*CHOKES* OBVIOUSLY IT MUST BE SO.

Dammit, I kind of want to do this now. STOP IT.

[genarti]

*cackles*

Just imagine what he'd make of all the warrior-women.

And, like, Raven.

Oh my god, Raven-Dick. *starry eyes*

[skygiants]

I think even Raven might get frustrated by the sheer personified cluelessness that is Dick. It woud be like 'cryptic riddle!' Dick: "Sorry, what?" "Cryptic riddle, I said!" Dick: ". . . .? *polite incomprehension*"

[genarti]

And then throw glitter at him and dump him into the lake. And Dick would sputter his way out, woeful and damply aggrieved and with seaweed stuck in his (now sparkly) hair.

In what way is this bad?

[skygiants]

Only in the way where now I am reading 'Dick' as 'Duck'!

[genarti]

Ha!

I keep mentally translating it into Dick Grayson, which... no. Not so much.

But even Ahiru is far less clueless than our dear Dick-whose-last-name-I-forget!

[shati.livejournal.com]

I love how "crossdressing" and "idiotic protagonist" and "awesome sidekick" make us think of Becca.

[genarti]

Well, it's true!

*giggling too*

[skygiants]

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY *she said, with EXTREME DIGNITY*

[rymenhild.livejournal.com]

Now I'm wondering why it's Joseph rather than Lewis who goes and inspires RLS (http://www.amazon.com/Black-Projects-White-Knights-Dossiers/dp/1930846118). Lewis and RLS would get along so well!

[skygiants]

That is actually something I have always wondered too! Because dude, they would get along like a very polite and secretly swashbuckling house on fire. I suspect it's because the Company officials know all too well that if Lewis got sent on assignment to inspire RLS he would get sidetracked off into a fit of flailing fanboyage and might not manage to complete the mission.

[ceitfianna]

I loved that book growing up since it just had a bit of everything and just was silly.

[skygiants]

It has taken me way too long to discover Robert Louis Stephenson - I mean, I knew the plots of his stories, but it wasn't until I read Kidnapped on a whim a year or two ago that I realized that this guy was AWESOME.

. . . I really need a swashbuckling icon.

[ceitfianna]

I think Kidnapped is one of my favorites due to the boy learning how to do stuff and being an idiot. He's really good at writing lovable idiots of boys though sometimes his women have a lot of what did they just do aspect to them?

Also he writes kind of sort of sequels which are just amusing, I don't remember the name of Kidnapped's but I know I read it.

Speaking of good swashbuckling and idiot boys, have you The Prince and the Pauper?

I have an icon with a sword in it.

[skygiants]

He really is - I do love how his boys are never perfect, and are always completely believably dumb. His women are . . . yeah, not always so much, although I was very fond of the girls in Black Arrow.

I saw the sequel in a bookstore a month or two ago and went OMG! because I had never known it existed! It's called Catalina or something, right? I feel I need to read it.

I have read The Prince and the Pauper, but that was years and years ago.

I have an icon with a sword in it also . . . but it is not exactly swashbuckling, since it is my Mulan feminism icon. Different purpose!

[ceitfianna]

I thought it had something of Balfour in it, maybe I'm confusing sequels. RLS wrote a lot of swashbuckling and at point I read a good amount of it. Part of it was due to the really pretty illustrations and I'm a sucker for medieval stuff even if it only has a passing acquaintance with history.

I adore the boys in Prince and the Pauper since they're both being idiots and trying their best in very different ways. It and Huck Finn are without a doubt my two favorite Twain books.

Also I like your sword icon, Mulan was just a good movie.

[skygiants]

I could definitely be wrong too. I still regret that I didn't snap the book up when I saw it, though. (Pretty illustrations! The copy I read was ancient and falling apart and had no illustrations, which is very saddening.)

I haven't read any Twain in ages - since I was much younger - and I really should. And yes! I love Mulan a lot; I think it's my favorite Disney film. She's just so awesome as a character.

[ceitfianna]

I adore Twain so much and used to reread Prince and the Pauper a lot, also the old black and white movie with Errol Flynn is gorgeous swashbuckling fun.

I think the Kidnapping sequel is something of Balfour and I know I read it. Not sure if I knew of the Black Arrow sequel, but wouldn't surprise me if there was one.

I think if he lived today RLS would be one of those writers who has this crazy adventure series that just keeps going and you read like candy.

Now I wish I had a copy of Mulan or a working tv since she is wonderful.

[oneechan19.livejournal.com]

See, you make books sound sooo exciting. I would totally read that if the whole thing was -exactly- how you put it.

[skygiants]

*beams* Thanks! That is how the whole thing sounded in my head at least . . . >.> (Maybe this is why my head is a strange place to live.)

[dramawench.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! I must read this book :D

[skygiants]

It fills me with great joy! Oh Robert Louis Stevenson and your dorky dumb boy heroes. <3

[weaverandom.livejournal.com]

I THINK I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK!

[skygiants]

I THINK YOU DO TOO, WEAVES! BUCKLE THAT SWASH!


(also I can't decide if that icon is awesome or terrifying)