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Nov. 25th, 2009 11:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
skygiants1. I am exhausted. This is ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jothra's fault (AS SO MANY THINGS ARE) because, thanks to her, I did not go to bed until close to 3 last night because I was skimming through the ~epic fantasy novel~ I was writing in high school. IT WAS SO PAINFUL BUT I COULD NOT STOP. The second file (pages 62-134) is entirely composed of the protagonist and her were-unicorn boyfriend wandering through the forest together, alternately yelling at each other about how their love could never be and making out. SEVENTY PAGES OF THIS. Midway through I was struck by the terrified realization that this made it basically Twilight but with more shouting. And were-unicorns.
2. Normally, all I bring to work is a small shoulder bag that holds mostly my wallet and a book. Today, I have my (large) laptop, a giant thing of stationary, and eight oversized (and mostly overdue) library books stuffed in as well. (Not all of the library books would fit; I carried one under my arm.) Therefore, of course, today is the day that my nearest subway station was overtaken by police officers searching everything that came through. I got the officer who went "What's that? Sci-fi books? LOL!" and tried to engage me in conversation about the new V while I tried to drill the message "I AM ALREADY LATE TO WORK" into his skull using only the power of my miiiiind.
3. However, everything is made better by the cracktastic joy of the book I finished yesterday - the sequel to The Queen Jade (like Indiana Jones! But starring a geeky Mexican-American woman!), The King's Gold is like the first but on TWICE THE CRACK. I cannot decide which is my favorite detail:
- the fact that protagonist Lola starts out the first chapter dressed in a Mists of Avalon cosplay outfit dorking out about the text message abilities on her new cell phone
- the fact that, not content with the craziness of actual historical Medicis, Yxta Maya Murray makes up her own, even crazier, WEREWOLF MEDICI
- the part 3/4 of the way through the book where, irritated by her failure to respond to their text messages, Lola's ENTIRE FAMILY decides to come to Italy to go questing for hidden Aztec treasure with her (Lola is basically just like "MOOOOOOOOM!")
- ADRIANA, Algerian art intern and Best Side Character Ever, who successfully distracts the villain and Lola's boyfriend from attacking each other by giving them a POP QUIZ IN ART HISTORY
- speaking of the dangerous bad-boy possibly-redeemable-villain with a crush on Lola: the way he both completely embodies and completely FAILS the brooding rules of manpain (see the glorious manpain chart for details. (Really I just wanted an excuse to link to the manpain chart.)) For example, this amazing exchange, when he's explaining why he took a break from stalking Lola:
"I was tired."
"Tired?"
"Having trouble with the euphemism? I mean depressed. Sick. Sad. Suicidal. What do you think I mean? My father's dead. And my cousin's dead. And Estrada. Who was my friend [. . .] I had hoped to avoid such ugliness. But APPARENTLY THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME."
I WAS CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. DEPRESSED. SICK. SAD. SUICIDAL. GET IT ALL OUT, EMO VILLAIN DUDE. (Okay, the final allcaps are mine, but all the italics are Yxta Maya Murray's!)
So basically this book was gloriously ridiculous and filled me with ridiculous joy all throughout. HOWEVER. I am MOST EXCITED by the premise of the third one, in which our heroes go hunting King Arthur's sword . . . because, as Yxta Maya Murray cheerfully explains in an interview in the back, "rumor has it that Che Guevara somehow got his hands on the sword once owned by the Lady of the Lake and used it to wage his most ferocious rebellions, and it was somehow lost in the wilds of South America"!
EXCALIBUR BY WAY OF CHE GUEVARA.
BEST ARTHURIAN RELICS PLOT EVER Y/Y??????
jothra's fault (AS SO MANY THINGS ARE) because, thanks to her, I did not go to bed until close to 3 last night because I was skimming through the ~epic fantasy novel~ I was writing in high school. IT WAS SO PAINFUL BUT I COULD NOT STOP. The second file (pages 62-134) is entirely composed of the protagonist and her were-unicorn boyfriend wandering through the forest together, alternately yelling at each other about how their love could never be and making out. SEVENTY PAGES OF THIS. Midway through I was struck by the terrified realization that this made it basically Twilight but with more shouting. And were-unicorns.2. Normally, all I bring to work is a small shoulder bag that holds mostly my wallet and a book. Today, I have my (large) laptop, a giant thing of stationary, and eight oversized (and mostly overdue) library books stuffed in as well. (Not all of the library books would fit; I carried one under my arm.) Therefore, of course, today is the day that my nearest subway station was overtaken by police officers searching everything that came through. I got the officer who went "What's that? Sci-fi books? LOL!" and tried to engage me in conversation about the new V while I tried to drill the message "I AM ALREADY LATE TO WORK" into his skull using only the power of my miiiiind.
3. However, everything is made better by the cracktastic joy of the book I finished yesterday - the sequel to The Queen Jade (like Indiana Jones! But starring a geeky Mexican-American woman!), The King's Gold is like the first but on TWICE THE CRACK. I cannot decide which is my favorite detail:
- the fact that protagonist Lola starts out the first chapter dressed in a Mists of Avalon cosplay outfit dorking out about the text message abilities on her new cell phone
- the fact that, not content with the craziness of actual historical Medicis, Yxta Maya Murray makes up her own, even crazier, WEREWOLF MEDICI
- the part 3/4 of the way through the book where, irritated by her failure to respond to their text messages, Lola's ENTIRE FAMILY decides to come to Italy to go questing for hidden Aztec treasure with her (Lola is basically just like "MOOOOOOOOM!")
- ADRIANA, Algerian art intern and Best Side Character Ever, who successfully distracts the villain and Lola's boyfriend from attacking each other by giving them a POP QUIZ IN ART HISTORY
- speaking of the dangerous bad-boy possibly-redeemable-villain with a crush on Lola: the way he both completely embodies and completely FAILS the brooding rules of manpain (see the glorious manpain chart for details. (Really I just wanted an excuse to link to the manpain chart.)) For example, this amazing exchange, when he's explaining why he took a break from stalking Lola:
"I was tired."
"Tired?"
"Having trouble with the euphemism? I mean depressed. Sick. Sad. Suicidal. What do you think I mean? My father's dead. And my cousin's dead. And Estrada. Who was my friend [. . .] I had hoped to avoid such ugliness. But APPARENTLY THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME."
I WAS CRYING WITH LAUGHTER. DEPRESSED. SICK. SAD. SUICIDAL. GET IT ALL OUT, EMO VILLAIN DUDE. (Okay, the final allcaps are mine, but all the italics are Yxta Maya Murray's!)
So basically this book was gloriously ridiculous and filled me with ridiculous joy all throughout. HOWEVER. I am MOST EXCITED by the premise of the third one, in which our heroes go hunting King Arthur's sword . . . because, as Yxta Maya Murray cheerfully explains in an interview in the back, "rumor has it that Che Guevara somehow got his hands on the sword once owned by the Lady of the Lake and used it to wage his most ferocious rebellions, and it was somehow lost in the wilds of South America"!
EXCALIBUR BY WAY OF CHE GUEVARA.
BEST ARTHURIAN RELICS PLOT EVER Y/Y??????
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:22 pm (UTC)Also, POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT POST IT.
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Date: 2009-11-25 04:26 pm (UTC)oh god nooooooooooooo (Esther I had forgotten there is a scene where the protagonist has to give the were-unicorn THE TALK *weeps* *THEN WEEPS MORE*)
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Date: 2009-11-25 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:37 pm (UTC)I kind of think this is crying out for crossover, really. *solemn*)
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Date: 2009-11-25 04:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:39 pm (UTC)So.... basically.... you made it AWESOME.
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Date: 2009-11-25 04:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:52 pm (UTC)Aaaawesome.
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Date: 2009-11-25 04:56 pm (UTC)They were dreaded throughout the land. *solemn*
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Date: 2009-11-25 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 05:02 pm (UTC)Just - just not that story. @_@
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Date: 2009-11-25 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 04:54 pm (UTC)And I? I took the one that did not lead to me being Stephanie Meyers RIGHT NOW with Robert Pattinson starring as Rhys the were-unicorn in the premiere of the film
And that has made all the difference.
*solemn*
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Date: 2009-11-25 06:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 06:32 pm (UTC)irritated by her failure to respond to their text messages, Lola's ENTIRE FAMILY decides to come to Italy to go questing for hidden Aztec treasure with her (Lola is basically just like "MOOOOOOOOM!")
THAT'S SOOOOOO MEXICAN. My family would fucking do that. ("Lor, why do you never call? Why don't you wanna talk to your broken-down dad" "Yeah Lali! We miss you! Plus, Mr. Boy is so depressed, don't you ever think of your brother?"
Don't even ask why my nicknames include Lor and Lolly. OR WHY my mother feels compelled to spell it IN A MEXICAN WAY.)
ChicanoTropes! I MUST READ THESE BOOKS.
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Date: 2009-11-25 06:36 pm (UTC)(I TOTALLY THINK you should bring your family along on a super-dangerous hunt for Aztec treasure. Bonding time!)
The books are really that perfect mix where half the hilarity is clearly intentional, and half of it is probably unintentional, but it is hilarious ALL THE WAY.
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Date: 2009-11-25 06:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 10:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 06:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-25 07:04 pm (UTC)Twilight would have been way better if it had lots of shouting and were-unicorns.
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Date: 2009-11-25 10:55 pm (UTC)I will admit, were-unicorns really could have only added to the hilarity.
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Date: 2009-11-25 08:34 pm (UTC)If you post this, I will try to find the notebook containing my epic psychic Welsh* gypsy orphan ADOPTED BY BATMAN juvenila and post some of that.
*Her name was Lindsey. In conclusion: TOTALLY WELSH.
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Date: 2009-11-25 10:58 pm (UTC)I am putting my faith on Esther's comm! A CENTRALLY LOCATED COMPENDIUM OF RIDICULOUS JUVENILIA. *_*
(Hey, my original siblings - the prototypes of the ones you know now - were named Azure and Allouette. OH YES.)
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Date: 2009-11-25 09:11 pm (UTC)BEST ARTHURIAN RELICS PLOT EVER Y/Y??????
*SHRIEKS*
BECCA OH MY GOD WHERE DO I GET A HOLD OF THESE BOOKS?! Just. 23erakduhskjdshd I WANT.
Also, were-unicorn? Oh, Becca <3 <3 <3 <3
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Date: 2009-11-25 11:00 pm (UTC)BUT AS SOON AS IT IS I AM BUYING A COPY AND READING IT AND THEN SENDING IT TO YOU. Because SERIOUSLY.
I knooooooow. *just laughing*
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Date: 2009-11-25 11:17 pm (UTC)I just...I have to have this series in my life, I DO.
I shouldn't mock. I had this whole thing with angels and demons and gods and muses of temptation (I still think Kat has the potential to be majorly cool, in something) that me and my co-author actually CALLED 'the Great Saga'.
...to my credit, I was the one arguing that we needed RACIAL DIVERSITY in the cast, given everything, but oh. man.
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Date: 2009-11-25 11:34 pm (UTC)Oh, I am totally recycling bits of THE WERE-UNICORN SAGA to be used in other things. Some things we can take with us, when we grow out of That Phase! Some things . . . are better left there.
And that is very cool! I definitely was not thinking that far yet, at that point. *rueful*
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Date: 2009-11-25 11:46 pm (UTC)Hee, yeah. Looking back, Kat was totally the prototype of the kind of female character I like (distinct Delia-qualities, fuck yeah). But, oh, man, not touching the gods-thing again. The different time-scale gave me a headache.
*pats* I was trying! This actually gives me hope, now that I think about. I had great many arguments about RACIAL DIVERSITY and THEY ARE IMMORTALS, DIFFERENT SENSE OF TIME. But, oh, man, the stoooooooooory.
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Date: 2009-11-26 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-26 04:59 am (UTC)Okay, apparently when I mean 'poke at the gods', I mean if they are Epic Beings of Power and Awesome That Aren't Actual Pantheons.
*beat*
and most of the story doesn't seem to be about actual gods, I don't think. ANYWAY, I know what I mean.
Were-unicorns could sparkle!
Date: 2009-11-26 02:28 am (UTC)Also. To paraphrase Scans_Daily: "Posts or it didn't happen!"
Re: Were-unicorns could sparkle!
Date: 2009-11-26 04:59 am (UTC)(WARRIOR WERE-UNICORNS INDEED. They are feared throughout the land, you see, and Our Heroine was the ONLY PERSON WHO WAS NOT AFRAID because she was from another world! Therefore it was DESTINED TO BE, OBVIOUSLY. Cue impassioned teenaged romance.)
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Date: 2009-11-26 01:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-26 03:36 pm (UTC)