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Jan. 28th, 2025 10:31 pmA few months ago, I read Peasprout Chen: Future Legend of Skate and Sword. Well! I said. That was a fascinating experience! I don't think I'm going to continue it! But it sure was fascinating!
However, then![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
osprey_archer came along with a devil's bargain, and so, here we are, back again, with Peasprout Chen: Battle of Champions.
Returning readers may recall that in book one, Peasprout Chen attended ICE SKATING MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL in FANTASY TAIWAN with her BABY BROTHER, a PAIR OF HOT MYSTERIOUS TWINS, and A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HATED HER. In book two, all these people are still at martial arts school, but we have added a New Girl into the mix: Yinmei, the GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER of the DOWAGER EMPRESS of FANTASY CHINA.
Yinmei has a voice as sweet and bright as a brook! She has a face like a mirror burning with light! She keeps giving Peasprout one-sided smiles and telling her things like 'you are the lock and I am the key!' Peasprout obviously takes all of this as a sign that Yinmei is interested in stealing the heart of the Hot Mysterious Boy Twin.
Yinmei also can't take more than five steps in one day or her heart will explode, because of a punitive dose of magical puberty blockers. This apparently was NOT just a throwaway line in the last book. Cricket might also be dying from magical puberty blocker side effects; unclear.
Anyway! ICE SKATING MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL is being MENACED by FAKE CHINA, so the entire curriculum has become All Child Soldier Training All The Time and instead of last year's elaborate solo challenges everyone has to form up into BATTLEBANDS and compete in BIG BAND BATTLES. Fake China has also announced that they will STOP menacing Ice Skating Martial Arts School if Ice Skating Martial Arts School RELINQUISHES PEASPROUT CHEN, but Peasprout has bargained herself ongoing sanctuary if her battleband comes in first in EVERY big band battle competition. Peasprout's battleband, of course, includes her BABY BROTHER, the HOT MYSTERIOUS TWINS, and, intermittently, Yinmei -- intermittently because Peasprout changes her mind about once a chapter about whether Yinmei is a VALUABLE AND VALIANT ALLY or a SINISTER SPY.
[Other battlebands include the Battle-Kite Sparkle-Pilots, who all bleach their bangs and look like kpop idols; Radiant Thousand-Story Very Tall Goddess, who climb into a sort of giant mecha pyramid of ice skating martial artists; and the Pink Army, who cut their hair into bowlcuts and declare themselves an arm of the police in a bewildering plot beat that turns out to be completely irrelevant. I was charmed by Radiant Thousand-Story Very Tall Goddess though.]
So all that is one big problem. Another problem is the school is apparently being menaced by water dragons and any students who accidentally see them will immediately be turned into pillars of salt.
( The rest is spoilers ) Many questions with Peasprout Chen, but I'll say this for these books: as much as they make my eyebrows leap up into my hairline, they are NEVER boring.
However, then
osprey_archer came along with a devil's bargain, and so, here we are, back again, with Peasprout Chen: Battle of Champions.Returning readers may recall that in book one, Peasprout Chen attended ICE SKATING MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL in FANTASY TAIWAN with her BABY BROTHER, a PAIR OF HOT MYSTERIOUS TWINS, and A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO HATED HER. In book two, all these people are still at martial arts school, but we have added a New Girl into the mix: Yinmei, the GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER of the DOWAGER EMPRESS of FANTASY CHINA.
Yinmei has a voice as sweet and bright as a brook! She has a face like a mirror burning with light! She keeps giving Peasprout one-sided smiles and telling her things like 'you are the lock and I am the key!' Peasprout obviously takes all of this as a sign that Yinmei is interested in stealing the heart of the Hot Mysterious Boy Twin.
Yinmei also can't take more than five steps in one day or her heart will explode, because of a punitive dose of magical puberty blockers. This apparently was NOT just a throwaway line in the last book. Cricket might also be dying from magical puberty blocker side effects; unclear.
Anyway! ICE SKATING MARTIAL ARTS SCHOOL is being MENACED by FAKE CHINA, so the entire curriculum has become All Child Soldier Training All The Time and instead of last year's elaborate solo challenges everyone has to form up into BATTLEBANDS and compete in BIG BAND BATTLES. Fake China has also announced that they will STOP menacing Ice Skating Martial Arts School if Ice Skating Martial Arts School RELINQUISHES PEASPROUT CHEN, but Peasprout has bargained herself ongoing sanctuary if her battleband comes in first in EVERY big band battle competition. Peasprout's battleband, of course, includes her BABY BROTHER, the HOT MYSTERIOUS TWINS, and, intermittently, Yinmei -- intermittently because Peasprout changes her mind about once a chapter about whether Yinmei is a VALUABLE AND VALIANT ALLY or a SINISTER SPY.
[Other battlebands include the Battle-Kite Sparkle-Pilots, who all bleach their bangs and look like kpop idols; Radiant Thousand-Story Very Tall Goddess, who climb into a sort of giant mecha pyramid of ice skating martial artists; and the Pink Army, who cut their hair into bowlcuts and declare themselves an arm of the police in a bewildering plot beat that turns out to be completely irrelevant. I was charmed by Radiant Thousand-Story Very Tall Goddess though.]
So all that is one big problem. Another problem is the school is apparently being menaced by water dragons and any students who accidentally see them will immediately be turned into pillars of salt.
( The rest is spoilers ) Many questions with Peasprout Chen, but I'll say this for these books: as much as they make my eyebrows leap up into my hairline, they are NEVER boring.
